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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

How do you cope?

68 replies

Lonelymum · 24/08/2004 16:17

I am not a single parent but I feel like one right now and I could do with some advice from those of you who have been coping alone for some time. Is anyone out there?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

moomina · 25/08/2004 07:53

I'm sorry for what is was that Kate went through (and I don't know what it was so can't and wouldn't comment) but just think it was a little unnecessary.

I have quite a lot to cope with too, but I'd hate to think that would make me post unsympathetically to anyone else who was feeling stressed out or worried. If I thought they were being pathetic (and there have been threads where I've thought 'get a grip'), I wouldn't post in the first place.

Anyway, don't want to hijack the thread.

Tortington · 25/08/2004 09:07

its all relative isn't it? am sure many of us have been through bad experiences but that doesn't give us the right to belittle someone elses worry. mumsnet is supposed to be here to support other mums. You shouldn't judge someone else by your experiences but rather offer them support and guidance based upon it.

granarybeck · 25/08/2004 09:21

how are you/your children this morning lonelymum?

Original poster

Lonelymum · 25/08/2004 13:23

I posted a long emotional reply just now only to lose it. Just wanted to say thanks for the support and kindnesses.

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Original poster

Lonelymum · 25/08/2004 13:30

OK seems to be working again now. Can't go through everything I wrote before again, but want to say, your comments made me cry and shake, but I don't know if it was the kind comments or the harsh ones that did it.
I do have an underlying problem (well detected Fairyfly) which drastically affects my way of thinking. I should have been more honest from the start, but I don't think many of you would understand if I told you about it.
By the way, dd seems much better now thank you, and I feel a bit better physically but still a complete s* emotionally. Sorry. It is hard to be open, even to complete strangers I will probably never meet (unfortunately).

OP posts:

tammybear · 25/08/2004 13:31

well if u do change ur mind lonelymum, there are people here to listen to u. xxx

Original poster

Lonelymum · 25/08/2004 13:40

Thanks. It is hard.

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Beetroot · 25/08/2004 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

KateandtheGirls · 25/08/2004 14:35

Lonelymum, I'm sorry if I came off as harsh. That wasn't my intention. Now that you have told us there is something else going on here, some underlying problem, then that changes things. I don't know what the problem is, but if I had known beforehand that there was more too it than you had said, then of course I wouldn't have said anything.

I was having a pretty rough day myself (I'm sick, as are my kids), and as I have been waiting for my husband to walk through the door for the past three years, I'm sorry that I couldn't muster up much sympathy when you knew your husband was going to be home in three hours.

Of course, we shouldn't compare our personal situations. We all have our cross to bear and we all react differently to the circumstances life throws our way. What I should have done after reading this thread was left well enough alone, and I'm sorry I didn't.

I'm glad your daughter is feeling better, and I do apologise.

notthecod · 25/08/2004 14:41

no need to IMO

Original poster

Lonelymum · 25/08/2004 15:36

Apology accepted. I said in my post which was lost that I agree with you that my situation was not the worst case scenario. Death, rape, house burnt down, my husband leaving me, and dozens of other things are worse. It was perhaps an exageration. What I meant was, of all the likely things to happen to me last night in my domestic situation, it was the worst case scenario for me, and believe me, it was. That is the nature of my shameful secret. I am not proud of it and it wracks my soul every day, but there you are. I don't ask for judgement please. I am quite new to Mumsnet, but I don't get the feeling people post to be judged but to receive advice, sympathy or perhaps just a different perspective to their problems. I think you gave me the latter.

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Avalon · 25/08/2004 15:58

Lonelymum, my dh works abroad for up to a month at a time. You have my sympathy.

Original poster

Lonelymum · 25/08/2004 16:03

Thanks. One of my original rants was going to be why my husband seems so adament that he can't get a good job without the requirement to frequently travel overnight. I know many people do it and their other halves put up with it (or don't mind) but there must be many, like me, who don't want that as part of their lives. I know the lone parent section is not the place to go on about this.

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Titania · 25/08/2004 16:14

i feel for you lonelymum (im ex lonelymumof3!!) I know what you are going through.....DH had a job where he worked away for weeks at a time and it was very very hard. Especially on the children. I would ring him several times a night crying down the phone that it all wasnt fair that he had to be away from us all. In the end he gave it up and came home, and even though he got a different job, he still distanced himself from us.....doing exersize, messing with the car, anything except be with us. It turned out that he hadnt bonded with the baby, so kept his distance. In the end, we went through a very very bad patch (i ranted a lot about it here!!) We are ok now and have fallen in love with eaxh other again. I hope you are ok. Have you told him how you are feeling? Surely he could get a job nearer to home? DHs job away was better paid then what his current job is, but its worth it to have him home every night now. You can contact me through CAT if you like.....we can chat then?

Original poster

Lonelymum · 26/08/2004 12:16

Thank you Titania. I have sent you an email. Hope it arrives! Have to say though, that I share this computer with three computer mad children (and dh in the evening) so bear with me if I don't respond straightaway.

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MummyToSteven · 30/08/2004 00:41

Hi Lonelymum - belatedly catching up on this thread after my hols. Hope that you and the little ones are all fully recovered. I have had problems in the past with an anxiety disorder (OCD) - if you ever want to chat, my msn is [email protected]

take care

Original poster

Lonelymum · 03/09/2004 10:33

Thanks MummytoSteven. We are still going through it believe it or not, and then may have a big, life changing decision to make so I am not sure how I feel at the moment, but wanted to thank you for the offer.

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Lasvegas · 03/09/2004 14:33

I was married for 8 years and when occasionally DH was away I slept with knife under bed, phone in hand and checked every cupboard/wardrobe for people hiding! In short I was pathetic. 5 days after DD was born DH walked out. I managed fine, as I had to. My parents were 3.5 hrs drive away and I had no friends or family with kids. I have had a really difficult time since DD was born yet every day I go to work having had on average 6 hrs sleep. I am just an average person but I cope because my dd emotional and physical well being depends on me. In short lonleymum when needed you will rise to the challenge as there is no choice. Don't worry you will find the strength when it is needed. This post is meant to be encouraging and I hope it comes across that way.

If you have a spare room you could get a demi au pere. They don't pay rent in money, in return for a room they do cleaning and babysitting.

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