Advice and thoughts please? Contact with baby

[Mummy2Babba]

Hello I’m looking for advice on my situation please , any help/thoughts will be greatly appreciated. Will try and keep it short and compact as I can
DC is 8mo , DC father refused contact with me / blocked me from contacting him throughout pregnancy / birth etc. At 6wo I managed to contact him and initiated contact between him and DC. After only a handful of meetings some of which he had DC alone , I was advised to withdraw contact by several professionals and seek advice from a lawyer after every handover turned sour due to the fact he was under the influence of drugs. The last contact at around 8Wo was when it came to a head as he turned up at my door under the influence of drugs , being verbally aggressive and I refused to hand over DC. This is when it ended.
Since then it has been lawyers going between them selfs , he asked for a dna to which it has came back positive and he is now asking for contact ( twice a week 4 hours each time ) meaning DC will not get home until 9pm of these nights .
I don’t want to be the mother who denies acces to my child’s father , if this was the case I wouldn’t of bothered to contact him 7 months ago , going through the channels I did .
After everything that has happened and his unruly behaviour and concerning manner while trying to build a relationship with DC before would I be wrong to think this is way to much to begin with?
I have an app with my lawyer tomorrow.
Just want to know what everyone’s thoughts are and what is reasonable considering the circumstances. Iv been so worried for the last 7 months about what will happen and what I have opened up for myself by initiating contact but I know it is in my sons best interests.
Ideally I would be looking for him to be drug free and contact to begin in a contact centre to begin with and once a week or EOW?
Please don’t shoot me if you think this is wrong I am trying my best to be really adult about this and not let any hatred thoughts towards him come in between him seeing his son. But on the other hand of the little he has shown at the beginning , it has just been awful and concerning and no mother in the right mind would feel comfortable handing over a newborn to someone portraying this kind of behaviour surely?

Can somebody please help me!
Also any advice on what a judge would potentially rule if this went to court.
Thanks so much X

Should also mention he is not on the BC . Obvious reasons of him being absent /no way of contacting him.
Sorry I posted this on legal matters aswell as I wasn’t sure which thread would be most appropriate . X

Please never hand you baby over to anyone under the influence of drugs! You are doing everything right.

I would only go through lawyers and social services for now, unless he can prove he can be a responsible parent.

You have tried to be reasonable but If he can’t stay off drugs then he doesn’t get to see his son full stop. Social services will have your back on this so please try not to worry.

Just so worried I will be made to look petty and and an ill failing Mum. I feel like Iv tried everything in my power to be so civil and I’m so petrified what might happen if I refuse etc. :(

I wouldn’t let him have contact with DC whilst under the influence of anything, if he was to go to a contact centre and they believed he was under the influence they would cancel the contact. I would leave it to the solicitors but for the moment I wouldn’t be letting him have contact, if he is known to be abusing drugs or alcohol to professionals this will be highlighted throughout court proceedings, if contact was to go ahead they would require him to have drug tests done which should come back negative, contact will never be granted if it is proved that he is under the influence as the safety of your DC can not be ensured, good luck x

Absolutely not! No one should be looking after a baby under the influence of recreational drugs. Everyone will see that and agree with you.

I stopped contact due to drug use and DV.

It was what was best for DD and I don't regret it, I did what you did at first tried my best to facilitate contact went above and beyond what I was obliged too.

I ended up putting my DD's physical safety at risk, the night after he had overnight contact with her, her dad and his partner got attacked with an iron bar they both needed hospital treatment. Over a £20 cannabis debt.

I actually heard from a member of the attackers family he had gone round the night before when DD was there but luckily spotted him bringing her into the house and turned around. He told the court this as well, I have no idea if it's true but I will never forgive myself for putting her in danger in the first place. I was and still am really ashamed of myself for putting my reputation as a "good" fair mother over her safety. In my defence, his GP, MH worker and SW all recommended contact. He fooled a lot of people.

I stopped contact the day SS rang me to tell me what had happened, it hasn't been easy nearly three years on he still sends me messages, tells anyone who will listen what an evil bitch I am. He reports me maliciously to SS every year and threatens court every couple of month. He's never followed through on it.

It's hard and it's stressful but my DD has come on so much since contact stopped and she is safe.