Are all Exes AHoles.....and do they ever change their spots?!!

[talie101]

He left ME for another woman but continues to make my life hell and goes against every request I make as regards the children because he THINKS HE knows best! I've left him and HER alone...so why doesn't he just back off and let us live our lives instead of making things worse?!

I have gone out of my way recently to make this 'amicable' for the sake of the children but......my children have just told me he took them to see a family member who I have had a huge fallout with and have VALID reasons for not taking my children to see them!

He went behind my back and I'm furious! Worst of it is he doesn't even get on with them himself but knows how much it would rile me!!....I know he will say it is for the children but this is purely for his own selfish reasons because he knows how angry I would be!

Does anyone know if I can stop him from interfering in my life and prevent him from taking the children there?

I have absolutely no idea where my xp is and I don't care.
He hasn't seen Ds in 4 years, doesn't pay child support and doesn't know he is autistic.
Anyway.....I don't think you can stop him in regards to the kids unless he's putting them in danger.
Not all xp's are complete wastes of space. Just the ones I know are.

OMG you sound like you are going through exactly the same thing as me. My ex is total arsehole. He does everything to wind me up, latest is trying to stop me taking kids on holiday. My dc were taken to ex parents house on last visit, even though my ds said he didnt want to go as he was scared. dc havent seen grandparents for over a year cos we had a fight. You cant unfortunately stop him taken the children anywhere unless they are at risk. As for interfering with your life, tell him to f* off, its none of his business unless its reguarding his kids. Does he have PR?

in answer to the op

yes..............no

simple as

the worst ones seem to be the ones who threw in the towel, buggered off for a better life, but still have to have thier own way in relation to 'ours'

sometimes i wonder if the grass was really greener.

yes and no !!!!

no im in the same position as you and no we cant stop them when they are in his care!!!!!

sorry talie101

I am quite sure the grass isnt greener for them and somehow we are to blame pirategirl.

Yes and no is also my answer. I chucked mine out in response to his violence and an affair with our dentist and after considerable help from relate who were with me when I did it.

I have to say however much of a t*er he is and whatever he does though it really is better than living with him

Thanks everyone....guess I knew the answers to my questions!

I honestly believe that the grass is NOT greener for him or he wouldn't feel the need to still be in my life! If he was totally happy and had gotten over the extreme guilt he must really feel about walking out on his young children then he would surely make every effort to just make this situation as amicable as possible!

I honestly can't understand why he still has to 'get' at me...when he's the one that f'cked off!

He is such a spineless selfish controlling coward and we are much better off without him but he's trying to have his say in everything!....I guess that riles him cos he doesn't have the 'control' that he so desperately wants!

What really pees me off is that access is slowly being increased for him and the children.....but I feel like I'm rewarding him for his bad behaviour by giving him more access which gives him the go ahead to continue to be a t'sser! Guess I should look at it that the children benefit from this....but in all honesty I don't believe that they do! They have contact...that's important...how much contact (ie one day a week, two days a week etc) is (in my opinion) irrelevant!

He has had me in Court several times for more access....but lately has been freely offered more access by me which he has flatly refused because I've always been honest and told him why...ie I'm going out, away etc...and he refuses because that would be doing something for ME!! Surely he should look at it that he gets to see the children more?! Maybe I should just say I haven't got a life, that I will stay within these four walls, not go out or speak to anyone etc when he has the children.....I bet he'd say YES then!

GOD CAN YOU REALLY HATE SOMEONE THIS MUCH?! I'VE NEVER IN MY WHOLE LIFE HATED SOMEONE AS MUCH AS I HATE HIM!

talie - there is something you can do to stop him interfering in your life - dont allow him to emotionally and mentally. Physically he may due to his presnse in your children's lives. Its easy said than done though and its taken me years to be able to do that, but i just wont give my ex room in my head anymore. Its too precious to me!

When i had been divorced for a year or so, i was still going through a huge range of really harmful emotions and i hated my ex for behaving the way he was. I bought a book called Joint Custody when your Ex is A Jerk - really crap title, but really helpful content. It gave me strategies to give his problems back to him when he tried to give them to me, to take responsibility for my own emotions and not blame him and most of all, it helped me realise that sometimes, it was ME that was being an jerk (or AHole )

Ex often still tries to make me feel guilty for having a life, when all he wants is to claim that his life is soley about the welfare of the children and will manipulate and twist my intention to fit his theory that i am selfish and only have my own interests at heart. But - and this is the big but - i am now quite happy that he thinks this! I am PLEASED that i look after my own interests first and foremost before i look after others. Its called an Oxygen Mask Principle - i am better able to cope if i am taking care of me!

One thing that has really helped me is to puposefully make a decision to separate my feelings about him into those of an ex husband and those of our children's father and how and what he means to them. One set wastes time, the other set can be useful.

My ex doesnt owe me anything now, nor i him. I cant expect him to think a certain way or act a certain way because if he doesnt, my thinking causes me to suffer! I understand the anger too in my own way, for me it made it harder. Letting go of that and actually rising above giving him power over my emotions was the last step for me to finally feel free.

Unless the person they are visiting is abusive etc, there is not a lot you can do. If however you think they are a danger to your DCs you can get a 'prohibited steps' order from the court, but they are difficult to get.

My sympathies as he sounds v similar to my ex, couldn't you just stab them with a spoon