Met the man of my dreams....I thought

[Toothandnail222]

Been single a long time and bringing my almost 5 year old up entirely alone. Had a few dates and met what I thought was a good match. Fast forward 6 months and the last month he’s been acting shady! He lives at home with his mum he’s wanting more time alone and admitted he’s overwhelmed with the pace of the relationship! He was pushing for us to live together then said it was me doing that! I haven’t I’ve put the brakes on. Anyway here’s the killer, he said he can’t cope with my child having meltdowns and as his child doesn’t do it i need to be harder on her.
It’s like he’s had a personality switch completely. Gone from a loving devoted partner and friend to my child to this beast! So I finished things thinking well I’m sorry but whoever is committed to me has to want to be committed to my child too. My hearts broken but I had to do it. Apparently I’m not a nice person and he’s come up with all sorts from nowhere, allsorts of made up stuff. I’m heartless for finishing things! I stop him seeing his child (actual fact is he stops himself because his ex still calls the shots and he allows her to when it suits him)
He sees me more than his child well that’s how it’s going to be with anyone! His child is being neglected by the other parent and he won’t step in and I think cos genuinely he can’t be bothered. That’s how he comes across.

I know what he is and he’s a selfish little mummy’s boy and there’s no way he should be anywhere near me or my kid as he isn’t committed enough and she would always be pushed out. What I’m asking really is is this how all men think? He’s told me I won’t meet anyone whilever my kid misbehaves and that most men won’t take on someone else’s child! Surely that cannot be true can it?

My boyfriend is lovely, considerate and caring. So no, not all men are like this. And actually, mine isn't a huge fan of children, finding them very tough and hasn't ever wanted them. However, he stands by me because he wants to be with me. He understands my children are the priority.

You did the right thing, and you'll meet someone who will be a million times better. They do exist, just a bit hard to find at times!

Sorry op but your statement gives me the rage!! You don't need anyone to take on your dc!! When you meet someone who is worthy of a place in your family you will know!!.
When I met my now dh I had dc, he says he felt privileged to have been allowed to meet such great dc, and be welcomed into their lives and our family!! Of course its tough at times, new life for us all but he worked very hard to nurture relationships with each and every one, and honestly no iffy moments at all!!
We have been married over 3 years and have a toddler now.
Dlmt settle for less than you deserve, the fact you have an ex means you know what I mean!!

What I’m asking really is is this how all men think?
nope it isn't.

He’s told me I won’t meet anyone whilever my kid misbehaves and that most men won’t take on someone else’s child! Surely that cannot be true can it?
Nope it isn't.

He's trying to manipulate, abuse and gaslight and all manner of horrible things.
Run away quickly and never look back.

I've been with mum's with kids. I'm now a single dad with a child. They are not the burden this guy is trying to make out.

Sounds like the man of your nightmares, not dreams.

Run away as fast as you can and trust that there are nice, decent men out there.

Oh OP he’s a massive prick. He’s a horrid nasty little man and because he wants to hurt you he’s saying spiteful and awful things.

DP and I met when DS1 was 4, he’s autistic and used to have really intense meltdowns. DP is the one who actually managed to help him with coping strategies to keep calm because he couldn’t bear to see him so distressed!

As a pp said, nobody needs to take on your child, when you meet the right man he’ll fit into your family.

He’s told me I won’t meet anyone whilever my kid misbehaves and that most men won’t take on someone else’s child!

😂😂😂
This made me laugh. Projection much? Does he realise he’s talking about himself? He is the misbehaving manchild. And he’s right, (smart) adult women won’t take on this grown baby. Let him go back to his comfort zone with mummy where everyone else is responsible for his shit life.

BTW OP I think it would help you to recognise the red flags here.

1. he’s an adult man with a child, but lives with his mother (without the child)
2. he doesn’t see his child -that’s and instant NOPE for me. I wouldn’t even entertain dating a man who doesn’t properly parent their child.
3. he was pushing to live with you (I bet he was going to move into yours, right?)

Block this pathetic excuse for a man out of your life.
Block him on your phone and social media.
Have you done it?
Good, now pour yourself a strong tea/gin and feel that female strength flowing through you.
Feels good not to be manipulated and gaslighted doesn’t it.
Let’s not talk about him any more - let’s talk about you.

You obviously want a relationship. Online meeting - although very popular now - is still very very hit and miss ( with more emphasis on the miss I’m guessing)
I still think the best way to meet a man is through connections. Tell your friends it’s time they had a supper and games inviting their single male co workers/friends/ relatives.
Go to the pub. Not the pub in the town, the local boozer. See if you can get a babysitter and get out when you can.
Any local groups that have anything which interests you? Any colleges doing courses? Darts team at the pub? Quiz team? Volunteering somewhere?

I wash you much luck - there are some nice blokes out there and I hope that you find one soon. Just keep smiling and never say no to an invite!

Thank you all you are all amazing. I just needed to hear all of these comments. He is gaslighting he is projecting and I honestly believe he’s a covert narc!!
His own child is being neglected big style and he won’t step in. It really gets to me that he claims to have these issues with my child yet doesn’t even step up for his own
His is massively overweight and brings tears to my eyes. I’ve never seen a child so messy and as big as that. Aged 8-9 clothes at 4 and they are tight. Regularly turns up without suitable clothing etc etc. I feel awful even saying that but it’s the truth and he should be more involved. He does have contact but if he won’t do the days the mother suggests she stops him and he does nothing about that. All that to me is irresponsible parenting. I’m just feeling very low about the whole thing but your comments have helped so thank you 🙏

Don't feel low.
Dump the useless waste of skin.
Contact SS about the poor child.

To be fair it’s bad enough for me to do that but don’t know if I’d dare

"What I'm asking really is this how all men think?"

Newsflash. Some men like football. Some don't.

Some men like to fish. Some don't.

Some men like kids. Some don't.

Some men are knobs. Others aren't.

Men. Basically people, but with extra body hair. And every one an individual.

There's plenty of shit ones out there. You found one. But that's no more a reflection of what "all men" are like, than a woman who cheats or is abusive is a reflection of "all women".

This is why it's better to wait a nice long time before introducing the kids. Arseholes of all types sometimes take a while to show their true colours. Give them a good chance to do so before bringing them into your kid's life.