We planned baby than he changed his mind HELP!

[mumtobe1988]

Girls I am 30y/o and14 weeks pregnant now, we had been together since 6 months everything was so quick I know ! Father of child is 32 and in separation since. 4 years ( wife and 2 kids). He is not having contact with wife, just whatever takes to meet kids.

We fell in love moved in together, everything was like a fairytale, we knew we want to get married we announced that to our family in friends we knew we want a baby, that was our decision, and it clicked first time when we tried. when he read the test result he has tears in his eyes and wide smile...Unfortunately when I got pregnant I wasn't any more this amazing spontaneous girl which I was before, all day sickness has been killing me and I needed to leave my job as I couldn't work any more night time, as I was falling asleep while working. Soon after that we started to argue and he moved out, he said I should have abortion! He said he changed his mind and he doesn't want this baby. He became mean he said I will never be happy because he doesn't want nothing with this baby and I will always be alone :(
he tried suggest if I have abortion, we might come back together, but this is not an option for me. I already love the little one.
He said he has 2 kids already and this one will never be his baby! he will never support it in any way. and when I finally said there will be no abortion, he disappears blocked be everywhere he could. His family tried to talk to him but theres no way to explain him anything.
Girls I am broken inside I don't know what to do, I stayed at our place but I can't afford it on my own. I am not working second month. Everything is just going wrong

Deep breaths! He is not being your rock. So you need to be your own rock. Do you have family who can help you with the immediate stuff - somewhere to live?
He is being a dick. Many more men do this than we can comprehend, sadly. You can do this on your own. As a single mum myself, it's a hard slog, but many agree it is far easier than dragging along a manchild who doesn't want any responsibility. This may all be similar to the reasons he has a broken marriage behind him already. As for your pregnancy symptoms - you are allowed to be tired/sick/grumpy/teary/emotional because for one time in our lives we are like this for the baby. It can be extreme and hard for the men to understand, but anyone who cared about you and the baby would take these symptoms with a pinch of salt - because they pass!
My advice is to give him space and make peace with the fact that you can do this on your own if you need to. You really can!

He's gone. That's over. You can chase him for child maintenance payments later.

Can you move to a cheaper flat? Is his name on the tenancy agreement? Have you applied for benefits?

Thank you for response ladies :*
No I am totally alone here no family, and here where we are living is close to his place where he was born.
Contract is on me.
I applied for benefits, but as I am having one bedroom flat now, they might not pay for that, the calculator tells me I should share accomodation and should have only a bedroom for me, but that would be difficult as I also have a dog with me.
PS how to get maintenance from him if he doesn't want to be at child birth certificate and I cannot force him to do it.

He doesn't have to on the birth certificate for you to claim maintenance.

I don't know what practical advice to add but so sorry he's changed his mind. Fwiw my boss was with her partner 7 years and once pregnant with their planned baby he decided she couldn't meet his needs any more and it was all too quick and ran off. She's picked herself up with lots of family support. Baby is a lovely four year old now.

You might need to consider moving closer to a support network?

Haireverywhere. I had been working in uk last 5 years I don't see myself moving out to Poland. so guess need to do it on my own now.

redannie118. I am sorry but I am very new to those things, what does mean CMS BS and CB?

Thank you for support you don't know how much does it mean to me someone like you want to help when close ppl turned back against me :*
thank you

So sorry you’re going through this. Sadly if he was able to leave his ex and DCs maybe it’s because he couldn’t really cope with being a parent in the first place. He should never have agreed to having a child with you under those circumstances. What an utter arsehole.

I was a single mum. There are lots of us out there. You’ll be ok and it’s probably be better that you know this about him now than a few years down the line. I know it’s not ideal, but you’ll be entitled to certain benefits, help with childcare etc.

Things will be tough, but so are you I’m sure.

Cms is child maintenance service and cb is child benefit. You should get on cms as soon as you claim child benefit as is your right.

Go to CAB - Citizen Advice Bureau for practical advice. They will explain what you have to do and help you fill in paperwork.

It sounds like you are on your own .

Can I ask do you want to stay in the uk or go home for family support . The reason I ask you currently can move wherever you want once baby is born if he changes his mind it will be more difficult . It sounds like he throws his toys out the parm if he doesn’t get his own way. He also if not involved do not even ask him to go on birth certificate . It gives him parental responsibility and makes life much harder for you .

I agree cab can help you

Starlight345 thank you a lot, for now I don't need but lets see at the end of month what jobcenter will say. I just feel ashamed and humiliated that I even need to ask anyone for help :( I always could handle everything, always had good job and my life was great. By this situation I feel like little hopeless girl who is not adult enough to handle situation.

ps I am not leaving uk for now, maybe somewhere in future.
I am still hoping and cannot accept the fact we will not be family.

AaaaaaarghhhWhereAreMyKeys you are probably right, he has been complaining that his ex was extra controlling. So same thing just happened again...
Glad your life is better now

I'm not convinced you should put him on the birth certificate - it only creates trouble with travelling, something possibly going to be made harder by Brexit anyway. I don't see benefits of him being on it, unless you feel a traditional urge. I've heard horror stories of people not being able to leave the country and the entitlements it gives even fathers who never see their kids, let alone pay for them.

Yep apparently I was totally controlling too although funnily enough none of my previous boyfriends have had a problem with this and nor does my current DP . It is definitely him, not you.

Starlight does have a point though, I’d look into what you’re rights would be if baba is born in the UK and you did want to leave in the future. You need to make sure he can’t stop you.

I'd also caution against moving out of UK - CSM won't claim if you leave the country as far as I'm aware - although I think they have agreements with most of EU if the dad leaves that he should pay. No idea what effect Brexit will have on that though.