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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Ex partner wants to stop me taking kids abroad

58 replies

kel4mum · 10/06/2007 20:01

Just spoken to my exp,(horrible man)told him that i was planning to take our ds and dd on holiday next year as have been invited to a wedding abroad. My new dp's mum is getting married in Cyprus and he is giving his mum away. Of course we want to go and my dc are very close to his family and she would like them to be pageboy and bridesmaid. After telling ex our plans he went mental at me, saying that i couldnt take children abroad without his permission, and to make sure that it is not possible he will apply for a passport for dd as she hasnt got one yet. Ds has passport already. Is this true, need help, what do i do?

OP posts:

mistressmiggins · 10/06/2007 20:07

i would think that if you have custody, you are the only one to apply for a passport
I think he cant stop you taking them abroad

my advice is get a passport asap - on the partner part, just say you are separated & dont know his passport no but give his name - they wont ask him - its just for info

go to CAB and ask them what they think - they will know

good luck!

Original poster

kel4mum · 10/06/2007 20:11

Thanks for your advise misstressmiggins. I dont have custody of the kids. We both have PR for the kids. They live with me but he does see them.

OP posts:

tribpot · 10/06/2007 20:15

this link is a bit random, but I believe it's correct. If both parents have PR, one can refuse to give consent to let the other take the kids abroad. Do you have a Residence Order?

He can apply for a passport, so I would bang an application in tomorrow in the hopes you beat him to the punch.

DeviousDaffodil · 10/06/2007 20:16

He has to give consent only if you are going abroaad for more than a month i think?

Surfermum · 10/06/2007 20:17

If you're the parent with care you can take them out of the country without his permission for up to a month. If not, you will need his permission.

Dsd's mum (who is parent with care) was able to apply for a passport for dsd without any input from dh. She too applied for it to stop dh getting dsd one, as we had asked to take her abroad on holiday.

A few years later she did agree to us taking dsd abroad, and the passport needed renewing. Dh's x agreed to him having it to apply for the renewal. He filled in all the forms and didn't need any signatures or anything from dsd's mum, although did need her name, dob and place of birth. The passport office, however, would only return the passport to dsd's home address, not ours, and telephoned dsd's mum to ensure that she knew dh was applying for it.

So, my experience is that it's unlikely that he will be able to get the passport without your permission, but it might be worth you getting an application for a passport in yourself pronto.

jellyjelly · 10/06/2007 20:24

I have a ds who lives with me. We applied yonks ago for a passport with both our names on it. Thats fine but now as ds has his name - surname. I need to take his full not part birth certificate if we ever go abroad.

I had to get a renewed passport as i lost the first and it was fine getting a replacement even though we had split.

Not sure if this will help. Have you called gingerbread, miles better than cab in my view about being single. I think welfare rights can also help. I didn think i would be able to take ds out of the country but i was just asked if he was my son, that was that and off we went.

Original poster

kel4mum · 10/06/2007 20:32

I dont have a residence order. I used to when i got a non-molastation (sorry about the spelling) order out on him but that only lasted while that order was in place, its now run out. So what the link is saying is that i have to apply to the court to get his disapproval over-ruled. Thank you tripot for that link. OH I AM SO ANGRY. Why would a man do this to his kids?????

OP posts:

Surfermum · 10/06/2007 20:32

Custody isn't a term used any more. If the children primarily live with you, you're the parent with care.

newlifenewname · 10/06/2007 20:35

He could try and stop you but he won't be able to without very good reason.

He could make it so difficult for you that it becomes impossible though. Do you have the Birth Certificates? Hurry up and get that passport for dd!

Original poster

kel4mum · 10/06/2007 20:39

Yes i do have birth cert for dd but he has a copy too. He is only being this way, not only because of the obivious(he's an arsehole) but he is jealous of my dd and ds relationship to my new dp. Sad or what?

OP posts:

Surfermum · 10/06/2007 20:42

I'm sure when we were going through this we read that dh's x was able to take dsd abroad without his permission for up to a month as she was the parent with care. He, however, had to get her permission. She didn't have a residence order and he had PR.

I only remember it because I recall how we were at the unfairness, as it wasn't the same for both parents.

I think there are some mumsnetters who are family lawyers, they'd be the best people to advise.

Original poster

kel4mum · 10/06/2007 20:52

What do you think would be a good reason to not give permission to allow a parent not to take kids abroad? I dont think his reason is reasonible. He would be laughed out of court surely? The only reason that he could say is that ds would have to miss a week of school, but this is for a special occassion.

OP posts:

Surfermum · 10/06/2007 21:10

Unless it's during GCSE week, I think he'd have a really hard time arguing his corner. I'm trying to think if there were any reasons why dh would try to stop his x taking dsd away and the only other argument would be if we had already agreed with her, booked and paid for a holiday with dsd ourselves.

We never understood why dsd's mum wouldn't let us take her abroad. She never gave a reason, it was just a flat no, and we weren't going to waste time, money and energy on fighting her in Court - Cornwall was a more than acceptable destination!

newlifenewname · 10/06/2007 21:16

He'd have to question your ability to care for them adequately or something. He would be laughed out of court, as you put it, but the point is he can make it difficult for you to the point where you might not be able to go until it is sorted.

Depending on how much of an arsehole he is, he could - let's face it - say anything to stop you going by getting a prohibitive steps order. The school thing just might be an issue too.

Twat of the highest order.

So, get the passport immediately using the birth certificate you have. If he is all talk and no action then you will be one step ahead.

My exdh is exactly like this and then wonders why I don't tell him a lot of things these days. As it happens, I have to let him take my DCs oiut of the country for up to 3 weeks each year, which I'm not that happy about as he is a liability. (lost his driving licence, etc.) but he does have my blessing as far as possible becauase the dcs love him.

Aloha · 10/06/2007 21:17

He's being silly. Tell him to stop it. He can't stop you.

Original poster

kel4mum · 10/06/2007 21:17

Just spoke to exp on the phone. He claims that the reason he wont allow me to take kids on holiday is because he hasnt met my new dp. I have been with dp for some time and ex has always insisted on not meeting dp in case they had a fight (which is likely) and i agreed cos i didnt want the kids to see hostility or violence. Dont know if dp would be able to restrain himself if they met. My ex was abusive and he hates that he treated me badly.

OP posts:

Aloha · 10/06/2007 21:19

It isn't a qusetion of 'allowing' you. You have a perfect right to do this. Be assertive. Say you have the right and you are not going to be intimidated. He is clearly threatened by his children going to a family event that brings them into your dp's family.

controlfreaky2 · 10/06/2007 21:28

from what i've read in summary:
you both have pr.
i think nowadays you will have to get his input / consent to get a first passport for dc (or a ct order)..... but likewise he will need yours.
you can take dc's out of uk for up to 4 weeks if you hold a residence order (unless there is any other ct order forbidding you from removing them).
he is being a twit. write to him and tell him that if you dont get his cooperation and (written) consent to the plans you will have no choice but to apply to ct for a residence order and will be looking to him to pay any legal costs. give him a time limit. give him as much detail of your trip as you can at this stage (only reasonable).
good luck. hope you sort it out.

Original poster

kel4mum · 10/06/2007 21:55

Just spoke to dp, he is not sure whether he would be happy to meet my ex,scared that he might not his block off.

OP posts:

Original poster

kel4mum · 10/06/2007 22:00

Can he ask to meet my dp if dp doesnt live with me. If i was taking my kids on holiday with some friends surely he wouldnt ask to meet all of them? Does anyone know the rights reguarding whether my dp has to meet my ex?

OP posts:

controlfreaky2 · 10/06/2007 22:00

why should they have to meet? may be nice if everyone is sure they can behave in a civilised manner but otherwise there is no no point at all. your ex doesnt need to meet dp. it is your judgment as children's mother he is being asked to trust and respect....

tribpot · 10/06/2007 22:01

Don't know about rights, but would you want him taking them on holiday with people you hadn't met?

Obviously I don't know the ins and outs of your separation but it sounds like both ex-p and dp have to try and be 'better men' and just meet without knocking each others' blocks off

Original poster

kel4mum · 10/06/2007 22:12

Tripod i was abused by my ex to the point that i took 3 overdoses to get help (silly i know, but i had pd aswell) When i ended my relationship with ex and fled Devon back to London i had to go through a lot of councelling to put my life back on track. Dp is just trying to protect me and dp and i have known each other for over 12 years so he hates that anyone would treat me that way. Thats why i dont think they should meet.

OP posts:

Aloha · 10/06/2007 22:13

He has no 'right' to meet anyone. He has to trust your judgement. My dh's ex has never met me (her choice). I've been her daughter's stepmother for ten years!

Original poster

kel4mum · 10/06/2007 22:15

I understand what you mean though. I have met his new girlfriend because i asked to. I dont mind them meeting but i dont want dp to get into trouble if ex provokes him.

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