If I died....

[crapface]

Sorry to be a bit morbid here, but a recent health scare has put the wind up me.

I have an amazing DD, her dad has been absent for 2 years (he came back a few months ago, and has disappeared again).
He is on the birth certificate etc but up until recently hadn't seen her etc. Again he has disappeared.

Myself and my DD live with my parents. She has an amazing bond with my family and would hate to think that if I died, she would be shipped off to live with a man she doesn't know. She knows him by name but that's it.
He's abusive- (a few things were put on our divorce papers but not much) and I didn't ever go to the police so no records of it etc.

Am I right in thinking- if I made a will stating I would want her to stay with my parents- would that stand in court? Would it give them any rights?
The thought literally petrifies me.
I will try and speak to a solicitor when I can but ££ is tight..
Thank you in advance.. xx

Unfortunately not. I made a will in January and it sent me into the worst patch of anxiety I've ever had. My sons dad hasn't been in his life since 9 months old. He is now 4. I was told should the worst happen as he is named on the BC and these is no court order he would get full PR. I called solicitors and they agreed. So all I could do was state who I wished the guardians to be but this cannot guarantee me my wishes

I am pretty sure that because your ex has parental responsibility if you were to pass away he would automatically get residency.

It may be worth talking to your ex about that possibility and what his thoughts are on it? Do you think he would be willing to give up having residency on account that he does not really have a bond with your daughter yet?

I also would think they would take into account your daughters wishes if she was over a certain age.

IIRC if they are on BC they get first PR and if not it is the mother's father. Same if you are still married but separated and die your estate goes in that order unless otherwise specified in a legally drawn up will.

that's what I thought.
My dd is 3, the thought turns me cold.
I can't speak to him about it- he was very abusive in our relationship and even more so at the end. He only plays nice if he wants something from me.
Thank you for your replies.

Even if not on the BC as the father they could still make an application to the court and be in the same strong position should they so wish.

I don't think he would.
One of my issues is that I think he'd like the idea of having her but in reality it would be completely different and I strongly suspect he wouldn't be able to cope (he's had her for one weekend years ago and she came back to me really distressed, he didn't bother with her after that).
But yes, I do understand that he is on the BC and has PR 😔

It's not morbid it's practical thinking.

You can get life insurance and set it as a trust so that on payout your parents are in charge of it.

That way if your ex does have your daughter, your grandparents can still make sure they have positive massive influence as part of her life.

I did this. My eldest has now turned 18 and it's a bit of a relief as if anything happens my eldest is old enough to get the house and look after things and my 16year old. The trust still stands that someone will manage the finances though

My life insurance is 150000 and costs 14 pound a month. 7pound is for critical illness cover and the other 7 life insurance.

I have thought about this. My DS asked what would happen if he died (this was a couple of years ago), he's 13 now.
I asked what he would want to do. He has really close relationships with his grandparents, a cousin of mine and a friend. He said he'd like to live with grandparents, but then see cousin and friend at weekends 😂😂😂
My life insurance is quite hefty, as is my death in service from work. I know my Mum would fight tooth and nail to make sure he stayed where he was. If he went to live with his dad, who hasn't seen him in a while he would have to move, away from his family, his friends, change schools. I was assured by a solicitor that the courts would not to uproot a happy, thriving child so they could live with a father they don't like in this situation. And if they would, well the law is fucking stupid!

@Hellohah that was one of my thoughts (about the uprooting) we moved to an island to live with my parents when he kicked us out. She loves her nursery here and when we attempted to move back to where he lived she verbally told me she wanted to come back to the island to be with her grandad (and Nanny)..
thank you @WheelyCote.. I think the next step for me is life insurance!
Unfortunately, like many, it's a very complicated situation, but I think my family would fight hard to keep her with them as he is very unsuitable.

Yes I was advised the same Hello - we have an absent father situ since nearly birth here and I was advised that, if he did somehow hear about my death (unlikely), the very fact he hasn't visited/sent a single card or present in her life since she was less than 1 means the courts would take a very dim view of him apparently caring about their child - particularly if there is inheritance.