DD's dad now wants contact!

[Ellen7262]

I put a post up about a week ago just asking for advice regarding child maintenance from my ex who was NC with our DD(2). We've since settled on an amount and I've received my first payment which I'm pleased about - but now the arsehole wants contact.

I'm 90% sure he's just doing it to fuck me off because I've decided I want maintenance. He hasn't seen our gorgeous DD in nearly 2 years now, and even when he was seeing her it was literally just for an hour or two whilst she was seeing her grandma (his mum, who I've never stopped DD seeing). I just don't fucking trust him with my baby!! She's not a great sleeper, she's very attached to me atm, she's being a bit fussy with her food as well. I honestly don't think he would know where to begin.

I understand I have to let him see her, I don't want to be that person. But do I say for the day only? Do I suggest a contact centre? Do
I say he can see her when she's at his Mums?

Does anybody have experience of letting their DC's dad go from NC to seeing them again?

Tbh . I think you are quite entitled to feel annoyed. While my ex was nc with Ds I didn’t Persue maintenance as I considered that the best option for my Ds . As soon as he wanted access I went to csa. I only didn’t go to risk this situation.

If you trust his dm I would say contact starts there for short periods so she gets to know him with the security of someone familiar . This would be preferable to a contact centre where she will know no one.

Also I would hide any annoyance if he is doing this to annoy you rather than stepping up he won’t last long especially if he is failing to annoy you.

So did he last see her when she was a baby? I can understand your annoyance (ex has seen our 16 month old only 3 times 😒) I wouldnt allow over nights tbh I would be tempted to say no not popular I know! you really dont need him messing her about, he cant just pick her and drop her when he feels like it.

I do trust his DM so I think that would be the best way forward. But I just really don't want him seeing her!! He hasn't seen her since she was 4 months old (we broke up when she was about 4 weeks) and he couldn't even look after her then! I just get so sad at the thought of her looking for me and wondering where I am but being with that piece of shit instead.

I also don't want him to be an amazing dad, her get attached to him and then in 3 years time him decide he can't be arsed anymore and drop her without a second thought.

Bet it will be quicker than 3 years tbh more like 3 months and he will get bored! My kids dad did that all the time and I regret giving him chances, Hes not stayed in their lives consistently for more than a year at a time. No dad is better than a bad one. I would ignore him.

@Creeper8 think I'm going to reply to his text with:

'If you would like to see your daughter, she will be at your mum's on these days: xxxxxx. When she starts to feel comfortable with you and you prove to us that you won't let her down you can start having more regular contact.'

And if he doesn't like it he can stick it

Absolutely reasonable.

I also completely understand the anger you couldn’t walk out and decide to walk back in when it suits you

Your child has a right to see her dad.

She's not denying that user! What do you want her to do, hand over her child to a stranger? I think not. OP is thinking of her child and doing what's best for her.

User can you read ? The dad hasn't been bothered for two years...? Are you hard of thinking or what?