Anyone have 50/50 shared care that looks like this?

[gottastopeatingchocolate]

Hi,
I have just found Lone Parents, so it is my first time here, so please be nice!

Does anyone have a 50/50 shared care arrangement where the child moves between parents every 2/3 days? Would a court approve such an arrangement? I can't see that it is in the best interests of the child, and am a bit scared it might get enforced. Parents live in different towns, approx half an hour apart. Only one parent currently drives. Child would need to go to school in the town that the non-driver lives.

Any wisdom?

I would say completely impractical , but can’t speak for a judge

My friend has 50/50 with one week at one parent and the following at the other. Another friend does 4 days mum, 3 days dad. However, both sets live within a couple of miles of each other.

How would the child cope with such a long commute to school and activities?

Thanks for replying.

I agree that it is impractical and not desirable. Realistically, the commute at school drop off time would be 40 mins, but the other party is claiming 20 mins (the party that doesn't drive). Non driver is capable of doing so and claims they will pursue a licence and vehicle in time (but I'm not sure that helps!)
Suggestion is Fri - Mon, Mon - Wed, Wed - Fri every week. I don't feel there is any stability in that situation. The parents don't get on, either. It was a situation of DA.

Hey OP, I have this and have done for about 5 years since my son was about 5 or 6. It works for us and we tried various alternatives before settling on what we have now.

Initially I had 100% and he didn't see our son for the first year of separation, before sorting himself out and us agreeing to start contact.

Once we had agreed on overnight contact, we started with set days per week with me having 4 and him 3 splitting the weekend between us. I can't remember why but we then agreed to move to the 2/3 days alternating where it's pretty much stayed the same since.

The advantages to this are that we each have a complete weekend with our son and a complete weekend off. Also it means that neither of us miss out on watching him at the week day after school stuff that are on set days ie swimming/tai kwon do etc as the week shifts the day that we have him.

For example this week I have him Monday/Tuesday/Friday/Saturday/Sunday and next week I'll have him Wednesday/Thursday. We decided on the uneven split as the alternative was to break the weekend up with the handover being on a Saturday rather than Friday. In addition, all hand overs are now at school, so I drop him off and exH picks up or vice versa. We live a 5 minute walk from each other and are flexible with this arrangement so I guess I feel positive about it. It's all my son can really remember so he knows where he's going - when he's at my house he gets to play with his baby sister and when he's at his dad's he has his dogs so he doesn't want to be too many days away from either.

I hope you find peace xx

Thanks, MrsC

Hi, myself and ex used to do this....however since we've been to court we are now on week on week off instead

I think you need to separate whether 50/50 works (which personally I think it does) and whether it works in your situation of living so far apart.

Is there any scope for one of you moving so you are at least in the same town?

@helpfulperson to be honest I am not supporting 50/50 at all. So I might be prejudiced anyway. I am offering EOW and shared holidays.

The only scope would be for me to move to the town where the other parent lives - I am sure that this is the intention of the other parent in suggesting this. Having come from a situation of control, the proposals he has put forward maximise his ability to return to controlling my life through our child.

I am aware that 50/50 might be ordered, however (court don't seem to care about abuse or the wishes of the child) and I am trying to see whether his proposal is workable or if I am just been unreasonable because of my previous experiences, if that makes sense.

I have never had this in actuality but my ex suggested something similar at first, a 5:2:2:5 split where we both had DD for 2 set nights during the week then alternated weekends. For instance, I would have had her every Monday/Tues, him every Weds/Thurs, weekends would alternate.

He now has her EOW plus one afternoon a week, at her request.

My friend has a 50/50 pattern whereby kids spend sun/mon/Tues night with parent A. Parent B has weds/Thurs/Fri night and then alternating saturdays/Sundays. It works because they make it work.

I have a 50/50 with my eldest. Tuesday and Thursday at their dads with alternative Friday night and then Saturday/Sunday night. Worked for the last six years. I think 50-50 always works if you have a good coparenting relationship.

I have 50/50 on a 2/2/3 pattern. Mondays and Tuesdays with me. Wednesdays and Thursdays with their Mum. And we alternate weekends. Which means that the longest the kids are away from either of us is 5 days. We considered a week on, week off pattern, but the kids felt that was too long apart from either of us.

Not sure the pattern of moving every 2-3 days is great - the 2/2/3 means that in any given week, the kids will spend 2 days with one parent, and 5 with the other. So it is less upheaval than moving every 2-3 days.

2/2/3 works for us and - most importantly - for the kids. We live about a mile apart. Both houses are homes for the kids, and they have everything they need at both houses. So they aren't moving lots of stuff between the houses.

Personally, I'm a huge fan of 50/50. So long as it's practical, it is hugely beneficial to the children to maintain a close relationship with both parents. With the best will in the world, a parent who has the kids only EOW really isn't in touch with their lives in the same way. And no parent who wants to maintain a close relationship with their kids, and is therefore seeking 50/50, would accept EOW as an alternative - would you?

I don't think a 30 minute trip to school is the end of the world, and there's no need to move. My girls have a 25 minute bus ride to the local secondary school, and even the walk to the local primary took 15 minutes. So a journey of that length to get to school isn't unusual or a problem.

I don't really buy the control argument (and I say that as someone whose ex wife was controlling, jealous, suffered terrible rages, and was even violent). 50/50 offers no more or less scope for control than any other pattern. My ex and I have little to do with one another, and when we are on our own time, we parent on our own terms.

Hope that helps you a little.

I did a week in week off arrangement for 14 years. Change over day was Friday. I would drop her off at cm on Friday morning and pick her up the following Friday after school. I would have a bag of dirty washing to do, but also returned a bag of dirty washing at the end of my week. The only time we altered it was for Christmas and her birthday, where we had her from Christmas Eve til Boxing Day morning alternate years.
I moved away from the family home, 20 miles. She stayed in the same school, with the same childminder. It was hard for me at first, I missed her terribly. But I soon got used to it, and in th eweeks I didn't have her, I caught up in school work so wouldn't need to bring too much work home on my weeks. Even during school holidays, we shared even though I'm a teacher.
It did work for us, and felt a better deal for her than other fipriends who seemed to be constantly battling over their children.

Every other weekend is not enough. You can't raise your children if you only get 5 or 6 days per month with them. It probably wouldn't be enough for you would it?