Boyfriends access to his children

5 replies

Lmoo · 12/09/2018 17:49

Hello,

I've been with my partner for 2.5 years.

He separated from his wife 3 years ago and she has dictated to him since the start about how often he can see them. As he was the one that ended the relationship, he has gone along with what she has said in order to keep the peace.

He pays child maintenance for both of the children. Currently he sees them for one school pick up mid week and sees them for about 4 hours and one weekend day time, usually for about 8 hours.

Both of these visits are at the ex wife's home and she has said he is not allowed to introduce me to the children or for him to bring the children to our home when he has them. During the weekend day he will go out with them to the park, cinema etc but when they go back, it's to her house.

He misses the children and would like to see them more. He would like to have them stay at our home for one night a week, well he would love more! But even that would be a great start.

Has anyone gone through anything similar?

We did see a solicitor for a free 15 mins advice session a few weeks ago and they have advised getting a court access order and it is intended that this will happen but we are worried about it costing thousands and thousands we just don't have. He is a lovely man and needs to be able to let his relationship with the children grow and he can't do that whilst she is only agreeing to 12 hours a week.

OP posts:

HollyGoLoudly1 · 14/09/2018 08:22

Unless there is a back story with a very good reason why she is not allowing more access then he would almost certainly be granted more time. Especially if they are school age and able to spend overnights away from home. Standard is usually every other weekend plus a mid-week access.

Re: court orders. You can represent yourself (I got some great advice over on the Stepparents board from people who had done so - costing 'only' a few hundred). However first step would be to simply talk to the mum. I would say put his request to her in writing. Failing that, next step would be formal mediation. Court orders will only be given as a last resort so he would need to show that he has taken all the steps he can to sort it out himself first.

You might have more luck on the Stepparents or Legal board for answers - I'm no expert and happily we avoided having to go down the court route.

HollyGoLoudly1 · 14/09/2018 08:24

Also, she can't dictate whether or not the children meet you or stay overnight with you (again, unless there is a backstory and she has a very good reason why she will not allow this).

Atlantea · 14/09/2018 08:30

Does she have a partner? Have his dc met them?

Agree (unless there's a back story) she can't dictate to this level

Fills the advice above and go to court if you have to

LIZS · 14/09/2018 08:35

Have you had any personal experience of his ex and her restrictions, or is this based purely on what he has said. There are steps he could take to formalise contact and then he can introduce them to you . Is there any reason why he has not yet done so? Are they divorced?

LIZS · 14/09/2018 09:23

Flip