Pathetic actions

[Whoknows11]

My ex is pathetic about clothes and shoes and it’s so odd to understand why. So my children come home wearing school shoes with their normal clothes and he’s recently bought my 3 year old some new shoes which he’s not allowed to wear home. So these shoes I’ve realised he’ll wear 4 times a month!

Anyone shed any light on why someone can be so pathetic?

Dont have the answer but I am in the same situation. Hopefully they grow up one day.

I have experienced both sides of the fence on this.

My DD when she went to her dad's he didn't have any provisions at all her for her whilst she was there, unless I sent her with clothes then she would wear what she arrived in all the way through, no pjs unless I sent them etc. Which infuriated me, he didn't even pay me maintenance. I just thought he should have sufficient gear at his house for her.

I am now a SM to 2 DSC, they have everything they need at our house, plenty of clothes for all weather and events including shoes. I recently bought them both new trainers however they won't be being sent back to their mum's wearing them. We will never see them again, and that's the truth and then next time they need trainers at our house (50/50 care arrangement and DP also pays substantial maintenance) we won't have any and then have to go out and buy some more. I didn't use to have this attitude but it happened so many times I've had to think like that now.

My OH and I are also on the other side of this. I have 2 DSC.

We have everything for the kids at ours. We don’t want them thinking they have to pack a case to come to ours.

Anything my OH buys for them is treated as ‘theirs’. However, he has had to get tough on this.

Mum treats the clothes / shoes as ‘hers’. The kids are ‘allowed’ to come to ours in ‘her’ clothes. One dat last winter in DSS turned up in studded football boots - my OH took him to the shops and bought him trainers. He went home in the trainers and they never came back again. The next time he turned up in a pair of flip flops - my OH bought him another pair of trainers, he went home in them. They never came back again.

Last year he purchased 3 winter coats for each child.

So now when they turn up in clothes / footware that aren’t adequate they’re sent back in.

Clothes are really emotive. Both homes should have what the kids need. And they don’t belong (IMO) to one parent.

My ex is the same, I have bought them stuff but once they went over to his in their school informs then I was picking them up on a Saturday and he sent them out in their uniforms so instead of going out to do something fun we had to go home so they could change. Uniforms weren’t even washed, I was furious.

Ironically I always sent his stuff back it was washed and bagged up for them to take when they went there. Now as teens their taste is particular. I don’t buy fancy expensive stuff but they do have nice clothes here. At dads it’s primark all the way which they hate and refuse to wear and take my stuff back there I allow it as long as it’s returned but it gets left for ages and I find that so annoying. Also pays no maintenance as tries to say he has them 50/50 which he doesn’t. But seems to think he doesn’t have to provide for them either. Frustrating as it’s not about me it’s abokt my Boys and they are stuck in the middle of this

What is this teaching these children though?

My 3 year old wanted to wear his new Batman shoes today but I explained they’re at his dad’s house and daddy says you can’t bring them home. Just like your birthday/Xmas presents.
So I went out to buy him the same shoes and thought omg what on earth is this saying/teaching our child!

He’ll go to his dad’s wearing these batman shoes and have no need to wear the exact same pair at his dads so why on earth has he bought shoes that won’t get worn because he’s so pathetic!

It drives me crackers but I know I need to let it go!

If ever I was on the other side I’d never refuse a child to wear clothes where they want!

My son came home in his school shoes on Sunday and even now he is starting to question it!

Yes yes and yes!! My exh has done this with our ds. He bought him an explorers outfit but he isn't able to bring it home with him. The same goes for trainers. I feel like not sending ds with anything and so he'd have to come back in something but I know that's petty and so I won't do it. Doesn't half frustrate me. Ds even asked his daddy if he could wear his new trainers home and was told no! How would you even explain that to a kid? Oh those shoes are only for when you are here at daddy's place (nan's house as he's moved back to his parents). Grrr anyways, hopefully you can't tell I'm in a frustrated mood lol.