Hi OP I've just seen your post.
I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way and I can relate very much to your situation and how you are feeling. My DS is 10 months old, 16 weeks after having him I discovered I was pregnant again. It took me a long time to fall pregnant with my first so to find out I was pregnant again especially so quickly was an absolute shock. Also me and my partner are not getting on whatsoever. To be honest he's very controlling and I've started to realise I am in an emotional abusive relationship. We've been together a long time and I always had a feeling things weren't "normal".
I don't regret having my son but things have been extremely hard with trying to cope with him, an unexpected pregnancy (with a man I now realise I need to get away from) and emotional abuse along with the control he has over me.
I too thought about having a termination but I couldn't bring myself to do it knowing how long I'd been trying to have kids and just thinking this was my son's little sibbling. Someone to grow up with and play with and be close to. I've 8 weeks left to go with my pregnancy and whilst things have been tough going because DS is now starting to cruise around furniture, cries when I leave the room and is waking multiple times at night now I don't regret keeping this pregnancy.
I know I'm going to have my work cut out for me. I'm under no illusions about that but I also know how rewarding it will be when they are both at an age they can play and communicate with one another.
The only thing I regret is my kids dad. I wish he was someone different. I wish I wasn't in a controlling manipulative relationship.
I have no friends because of him and now he's trying to push my family away too which I can't allow. They are all I have. I know it's going to come at some stage that I'm going to have to leave him, not only for my sake but for my babies too!
I don't get a chance to be a mother properly! He's always there telling me how to do this,that and the other or criticising my parenting. I'm not allowed to go out for a little stroll on my own with my son as it causes arguments and when I decided I wanted to go to little mum and baby classes there was an argument and he talked me out of going (obvs because he knew I'd get to socialise with other women)
I'm drained and at my wits end. I'm so unhappy. At my last midwife appointment I was asked the usual question about if I was in an abusive relationship etc, I really wanted to tell the midwife what was going on but I was too afraid. I'm worried it might go against me as a parent or that she will judge me.
I'm also worried about how I'll cope as a single mother with two young children when it comes to it. I know I'm the one that will have to leave our home and find another house for me and my kids I know he will deliberately do that on me and i also know he's capable of saying or making up something to the likes of social services to try and have custody of the kids which I'm terrified about!
I'd never stop him from seeing his children and he knows that but 50/50 access wouldn't be hood enough for him. He'd have to hurt/punish me in some way plus he keeps telling me I'm a bad mother and I know I'm not. Yes I'm struggling but I'm over 7 mnths pregnant and looking after a 10 mnth old as well as looking after my partner. I've had some dark days where I've wanted to end my life but I never would because of my son. I love him too much to cause him that pain especially later in life.
I just want a happy life. I just want a partner who genuinely loves me and doesn't want to hurt me. That's all. It's not much to ask is it??