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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

I'm exhausted. I just want to leave.

36 replies

CupidNeedsANewJob · 09/09/2018 17:21

Single parent to a 5 month old. Split up with partner last month but he works away anyway so never really was around to help. Live with my mum but she's been away on holiday since Wednesday.
Just found out I'm pregnant while being on the pill, in no position to bring another child into this world especially not by my ex
But today at this very moment I feel like giving up. Running away, hurting myself or just laying on the floor and crying. I've cried pretty much everyday for the past week.
DD wants entertained constantly and only naps 3 times a day for 20-30 mins.
I. Can't. Do. Anything.
She's crying for attention constantly. My mind has gone, I'm so tired I can't even think. Plus all the extra stress from this unwanted pregnancy. Plus I am looking after 2 dogs and a 13 year old while my mum is away.
I can't cope. I'm literally about to snap. I want some time to just relax but I can't. DD wakes every 3 hours at night, even when she goes to bed at 7 I have to then make dinner for my brother and then take the dogs out, then wash up after dinner, then wash all DDs bottles.
I just want to have a bath and watch a film and sleep a whole night without waking up. I'm not coping and I also have to go to the clinic for a termination on Thursday. Which is something I never wanted to Do.
I'm fed up of my child. I don't even think I want to be a mum anymore. I hate my life. And right now I hate my daughter. And I hate myself for thinking this.
I'm just not coping and I'm worried I'm really going to hurt myself. I've just punched a wall already cos I can't take it anymore. She screams and I don't know for I look at her and I hate her. I never wanted my life to be like this, I never planned for my life to be like this. I hate it.

OP posts:
RosiesYellowDress · 10/09/2018 10:15

Yes sorry @cupid it was like @lets explained. I think you have so much you are having to cope with on your own and it’s been awhile since mine were babies, things change so much as to what support is out there, we was lucky to have Sure Start centres that were great source for advice & support, worst thing they done was close all our local ones down.

I certainly not judging you, especially given all crap I been through.

I’ve had a brief google see if Sure Start still had any centres left open as I know one of two did after they got renamed to ActionForChildren but even they seem to have disappeared.

I don’t know if this might be of any use it’s not just about support it covers wide range of stuff and links.

www.home-start.org.uk/Pages/Category/our-programmes

CupidNeedsANewJob · 10/09/2018 15:44

Thanks for the help and support, coincidentally today an old friend I used to work with called to meet up today, and also my manager called to talk about starting back to work. It's like they knew lol.
I went to the doctor and they offered tablets but I feel like I would like try to without them first just because I'm very paranoid about taking tablets, any kind, not just antidepressants. So they've referred me to a support group kinda thing and gave me useful information on resources to help when I'm feeling down or struggling.
I feel much better gettin out and being sociable and DD is also happier today too. She's a very active and social baby so I think she gets bored in the house (although it sounds crazy cos she's so young the doctor agreed with me)
So it did us both good to get out.
I feel slightly more positive and my mum is home tonight so hopefully things will stary to feel a bit better.
Thanks again everyone

OP posts:
sittingonacornflake · 10/09/2018 20:29

So pleased to hear you are doing better OP.

greatandpowerfulozma · 10/09/2018 21:48

Me too, I really hope things stay on the up for you. Babies are definitely happier if they’re taken out even if it’s somewhere really boring - mine loves the supermarket! Big hugs xx

Littlesparrow0 · 14/09/2018 11:33

Hi OP I've just seen your post.
I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way and I can relate very much to your situation and how you are feeling. My DS is 10 months old, 16 weeks after having him I discovered I was pregnant again. It took me a long time to fall pregnant with my first so to find out I was pregnant again especially so quickly was an absolute shock. Also me and my partner are not getting on whatsoever. To be honest he's very controlling and I've started to realise I am in an emotional abusive relationship. We've been together a long time and I always had a feeling things weren't "normal".
I don't regret having my son but things have been extremely hard with trying to cope with him, an unexpected pregnancy (with a man I now realise I need to get away from) and emotional abuse along with the control he has over me.

I too thought about having a termination but I couldn't bring myself to do it knowing how long I'd been trying to have kids and just thinking this was my son's little sibbling. Someone to grow up with and play with and be close to. I've 8 weeks left to go with my pregnancy and whilst things have been tough going because DS is now starting to cruise around furniture, cries when I leave the room and is waking multiple times at night now I don't regret keeping this pregnancy.

I know I'm going to have my work cut out for me. I'm under no illusions about that but I also know how rewarding it will be when they are both at an age they can play and communicate with one another.
The only thing I regret is my kids dad. I wish he was someone different. I wish I wasn't in a controlling manipulative relationship.
I have no friends because of him and now he's trying to push my family away too which I can't allow. They are all I have. I know it's going to come at some stage that I'm going to have to leave him, not only for my sake but for my babies too!

I don't get a chance to be a mother properly! He's always there telling me how to do this,that and the other or criticising my parenting. I'm not allowed to go out for a little stroll on my own with my son as it causes arguments and when I decided I wanted to go to little mum and baby classes there was an argument and he talked me out of going (obvs because he knew I'd get to socialise with other women)

I'm drained and at my wits end. I'm so unhappy. At my last midwife appointment I was asked the usual question about if I was in an abusive relationship etc, I really wanted to tell the midwife what was going on but I was too afraid. I'm worried it might go against me as a parent or that she will judge me.

I'm also worried about how I'll cope as a single mother with two young children when it comes to it. I know I'm the one that will have to leave our home and find another house for me and my kids I know he will deliberately do that on me and i also know he's capable of saying or making up something to the likes of social services to try and have custody of the kids which I'm terrified about!
I'd never stop him from seeing his children and he knows that but 50/50 access wouldn't be hood enough for him. He'd have to hurt/punish me in some way plus he keeps telling me I'm a bad mother and I know I'm not. Yes I'm struggling but I'm over 7 mnths pregnant and looking after a 10 mnth old as well as looking after my partner. I've had some dark days where I've wanted to end my life but I never would because of my son. I love him too much to cause him that pain especially later in life.

I just want a happy life. I just want a partner who genuinely loves me and doesn't want to hurt me. That's all. It's not much to ask is it??

sanssherif · 14/09/2018 11:37

Do you want another baby op? It doesnt sound like a great time, you would be perfectly entitled to want an abortion and noone would judge you x

CupidNeedsANewJob · 14/09/2018 12:31

Sanssherif it's not that I don't want another baby, it's more that it's way too soon and I feel I'm not in a good situation to look after the new baby, aswell as my DD, as well as they deserve. I am single and living at home with my mum now, I struggle with DD now, so I can't imagine how hard two babies under 1 would be, especially when I'm not feeling the best either. My ex will not give anything for DD (sometimes will buy her a gift) so definitley won't give anything for new baby if I did continue with the pregnancy.

Littlesparrow0 your situation seems alot harder than mine. At least I'm not with my ex now so I can focus on me and the baby, you have a new baby on the way, plus an abusive partner. If I was you I would get rid of the partner. Definitley tell your midwife/health visitor about the situation. From my experience (although they're very short staffed here) they are lovely people and genuinely want to help. They can help you and will not judge your parenting skills at all. They can see how you are doing with the baby just by looking at them and how they are growing. So please tell them and they can guide you down the right path and a safe one.
I admire your strength to carry on with the pregnancy during a difficult time. I cannot do this. Even though you say about your little one having a playmate, I have a nephew who is only 4 months older than my daughter so they can play together. But I wouldn't be able to handle 2 young babies especially not with how my mental health is at the moment.

OP posts:
sanssherif · 14/09/2018 12:52

I wonder if you may benefit from a referral to the perinatal team given how you are feeling. Especially if you are keeping the new pregnancy and the risk of PND and antenatal depression combined. It might be a good thing they keep an eye on you?
Similarly they may be able to help you with housing, eg by putting you on the social housing list etc?
Just a thought-pop to the GP. X

Di11y · 14/09/2018 13:01

Is there homestart in your area? They could take the baby while you have a bath or whatever

Littlesparrow0 · 14/09/2018 15:12

I completely understand @Cupid about you don't feel 100% ready for another child so soon and you are right to do what's in the best interest for you and your daughter! No point bringing another baby into the pic if you know 100% yourself that you wouldn't be equipped to deal with whole situation again. No one will judge you on the option you choose. Do what's right for you hun!
But I do completely understand your line of thinking as I went through the same entire thought process so I understand how hard it is to make the "right" decision.

Well you sound like your a great mum to your daughter. And have her best interests at heart... don't be so hard on yourself.

Have you asked your mum to help you out from time to time so you can have a minute to yourself to gather your thoughts. What about your ex, does he take your daughter at all for you?
Things will get better in regards to sleep with the baby. I went through rough patches with my son as well but eventually it got better (although he's teething again so I'm up again during the night) but things will improve @Cupid just keep the faith and know that your a great mum

sanssherif · 14/09/2018 16:06

Sorry op wise decision. I did the same. I dont ever think of it x

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