Ex has decided he'd rather pay bills.

[Herja]

Ex has decided that rather than pay maintenance money he'd rather pay bills directly. He feels this would be less divisive. I am not happy with this, I would prefer that he continues paying cash rather than choosing bills, but I can't quite put my finger on why.

I think it possibly feels infantilising? Also I'm not sure I actually trust him to pay the bloody bills on time - it was never his strong point.

He hates paying money as he feels I may use it for seeing other people (I don't. I stick it in savings for Christmas, birthdays, holidays, school uniform etc), so I can see why he'd prefer this, but I don't bloody want him too!

Help me form aan argument against it, that isn't just "I don't want you to" ?

Everything with him has been email or text for some time after he left alarming messages because I was on the phone so couldn't talk to him. He drives me mad. He has the perfect facade of being a lovely person and yes, I did do an awful thing, but he has been systematically awful since. But he's so lovely in the wider world no one but his sister believes all the things he's done.

What a control freak, my dad was similar didn’t pay my mum a penny in case she spent it on herself, stupid man didn’t get that it wasn’t for her it was for us and as long as we had everything we needed that meant it was being used correctly.

My ex does pay a few things my phone, and a few other bits he deducts from Maintenon payments but he’s great and no issue re money etc with us, hope you get what your dc is entitled to without too much of a fight x

Worth speaking to a solicitor? If he’s going to force you to pay that half then call his bluff and make him pay the half of the other debt. He can’t have it all his own way. It might be worth going to mediation

My issue with cms is that he has said if I go through them he will require me to pay half of the mortgage we took out to clear his (previous life, not to do with our family) debts.

The CMS will take nothing to do with mortgages or anything else like that. He would have to take it to court to force you to pay the mortgage. Ignore him.

I know maintenance isn't classed as income, but I think payment of bills on my behalf might be.

For Christ’s sake don’t say a thing to income support about him paying your bills! They will stop your payments and recalculate even though he isnt even paying your bills! And you aren’t going to accept his offer so why even mention to income support as if you are?

Get him to pay heating and electricity and the leave everything on all winter
Not really
But surely bills can go up and down...

Because I feel stuck. I don't want to aaccept his offer, but I can't afford to pay the full loan for the house and half the mortgage out of income support and tax credits. £67 isn't much, but it makes a big difference.

Income support have double checked and say it won't make a difference if it's in lieu of maintenance.

Court for mortgage is reassuring. He can't afford to take me to court. The only reason we're not divorced is because neither of us can afford it.

Bills can indeed go up and down. This is going to involve meeting him once a week with shopping receipts and to go through variable bills.

This is going to involve meeting him once a week with shopping receipts and to go through variable bills.

No it isn’t. Because that’s not how the CMS operate.

No, I meant if I agree to the bills offer. I can't do that, I just can't. I'll ring CMS as soon as possible and wait it out, hope he doesn't take me to court over the mortgage and find the money if he does. Just seeing him gives me a fight or flight adrenalin reaction, he cannot be in charge of my bills.

Does anyone know how long it takes from application to a deduction of earnings order? He is very clear that that's what it will take for him to give me cash. I'm assuming a year or so?

No, I meant if I agree to the bills offer.

But you’re not going to. So why are you checking with income support and worrying about having to show him your shopping receipts but every week? Forget about his demand. It’s not going to happen. The CMS now deal with your child support. You don’t need to discuss it with him again.

I was considering it for an easy life. I just can't though. You're right CMS can deal with him from now on, I'm done thinking about it.

This will not be an easy life. He wont pay the bills. He want you to pay emotionally.

Cms is your only option.

You’ll have a far easier life when the money is just landing in your account on the same date every month without even having to text him.

I will. It's the only option.

Did he want custody of the children? Did you have any argument about that?

Op . Short term it may be hard, long term cms is far easier .

He has less control.

Can I also add if you are struggling don’t save money in account . It is for whatever you need clothes, food , electric.

I last point there are many posts about wtc in particular stopping and having to prove they live alone the bills in his name will make it very difficult.