How do you cope with Christmas without the DC?

[qwertymumm]

Ex is highly EA and controlling. Been through court to sort contact. Been a horrendous time and I find it hard to cope when DC with him, even though I know they are generally OK and it's just something I have to accept. However they are going to spend first Xmas with him (several days) and I'm tearful just thinking about it. DC have said they wish they could stay with me but nothing I can do.

If you have a very hostile relationship with your ex, now on earth do you cope with Christmas when they are away? I genuinely don't know what I will do with myself. Yes, it's just a day. But it isn't. It's the whole build up to it and something you expect to sharing with your own DC when it comes.

Im lucky in the sense that my ex is off the scene so Ive never been in this situation. I imagine it must be very difficult. Can you spend it with family or friends??

I've had this a few times, until my ex-H got bored and started going on holiday every year at Christmas.

It sucks big time but you need to fill the time somehow. I have a reasonable sized family and we tend to Christmas together, so I have just gone to them and kept busy and repeated endlessly in my head "this too shall pass".

Still do all the build up and make sure you celebrate when they get back or before they go - whichever way works best for you. I've still done a full on Christmas with mine, regardless of whether or not they were there for the day itself.

When other parent went through faze of seeing kids we would have our Xmas day either before or after they went away. I made it seem like how lucky to have 2 Christmas days, 2 Xmas dinners.

Whatever you do, I advise avoiding things like Facebook until after your kids are back. I know only snap shots but seeing everyone with kids and families I found hard especially first Xmas without them.

How many days prior to Xmas day are they going to your ex’s?

Thank you for the replies.

I will probably go to family and there will be a few kids but being with them and not my own will bloody sting.

They'll be away from Christmas Eve eve, and away for four nights. It's just the way it's fallen this time. Trying to focus on next year they will be with me so it's not all bad.

Already off social media so definitely won't be going anywhere near it but good tip.

I'd quite like to do something before they go rather than after as I just feel the moment will have passed. There are other things we can do after the actual day. Feel like I need to be really creative and make a real effort to make it special and fun...to take my mind off it but to refocus on that instead.