Apologies in advance for the long post, but posting here as I could really do with some advice.
I split with my ex partner around 19 months ago and I’m having a lot of issues with him harassing me. We were together for about 5 years and have a child together who’s almost 2.
At the beginning of the relationship, things were ok, but everything started to change when I found out I was pregnant. He has 2 other children from a previous relationship, which didn’t end well. That’s actually a huge understatement, it’s probably the worst relationship break up I’ve ever seen, and due to the lack of communication between him and his ex and issues that had been going on for years with regards to access to the children, property etc, things were difficult for us. Weekends he was supposed to be having them would constantly change, then he’d suddenly have them for a week out of the blue, every Christmas or special occasion was dominated by them and what was happening with the kids. I had a difficult pregnancy (full placenta preavia) and found the situation with him and his ex partner quite difficult to deal with. He’d always been very consumed with what was going on between them and was completely unsupportive during the pregnancy. He always knew I wanted a family of my own and told me he also wanted that, but seemed like he was unable to deal with having another child when it actually happened.
The usual situation continued throughout the entire pregnancy and sort of came to a head just before Christmas. I was booked in to have a c section a few days after Christmas and he was nowhere to be seen because he was dealing with what access he’d be having over the Christmas period. As usual, everything went wrong, arrangements changed and I ended up coming home from hospital the day after my delivery with his 2 children and step child at the house. I was cleaning up and hoovering the following day.
The six weeks that followed were nothing but a total nightmare, he was stressed, angry and near on impossible to live with. His lack of patience was ridiculous and he started to get angry and lose his temper during the night with the baby waking and crying. There was no serious physical violence, but he did slap me at one point. He acted like a totally different person when people were around, when they left it was awful, to the point where I recorded some of what went on. 6 weeks in and he went off on the Wednesday night to see his children, then phoned me on that evening to tell me that there’d been a problem with his ex and he now had full custody of his kids. Besides all the other problems that were going on, this was a major issue because our property was a 2 bedroom house and nowhere near suitable size wise. I suppose after everything that had happened throughout the pregnancy, bringing the baby home etc, I just snapped, told him it was over and I suppose I saw it as an opportunity to get out and away from it all.
For the past 19 months, things have been terrible with him. He’s insisted on seeing our child here at my home. Sometimes he’s ok and amicable, other times it’s awful. He hasn’t accepted that the relationships over at all and seems to be ok as long as he’s getting exactly what he wants, as soon as he’s told no, all hell breaks loose. I get disgusting text messages from him, constant threats, he wants to know what I’m doing, who’s around. He’s started to accuse me of having men at the house (I haven’t seen anyone since I split with him), and even questioning me on what I’m wearing and insinuating that marks on my skin are love bites. He picked up our child over the weekend and said to our son “come on, let’s get going, mummy’s got a lot of men to do”.
I’ve tried and tried to talk to him and make arrangements, but it’s like talking to a wall. As far as he’s concerned, he’s done absolutely nothing wrong and refuses to finalise anything with me. This is obviously something he has major issues with and would explain a lot with the situation with his ex. So, I was just wondering if anyone might be able to offer some advice who’s perhaps been in a similar situation? I’m not sleeping, it’s constantly on my mind, and I’m not really sure if I can take much more - it’s been going on for so long and it’s making me feel pretty hopeless.
Would I be better off getting some legal advice or contacting the police? Would the situation with his ex and how he’s been be taken into account?
Thanks in advance for any advice.