Inflexible ex and contact

[ratatatatouille]

I know contact and maintenance are separate. I am not and will not be refusing contact ever. That being said the costs of taking the kids to see ex come out of my budget he’s not paying any maintenance.

My ability to work is impacted by being ordered to drive the kids to him on a Friday after school. This summer just gone he’s picked and chosen what works for him with no thought to my own work commitments. He had them for 7 days they came home for two nights then were away again for 7 days. Always collecting at 9am, he refuses to collect at 6pm the previous night. On one hand I’m done being walked over, it impacts on my working, but I can’t keep arguing this for the next 10+ years.

So where does this leave me? Has anyone else dealt with the same situation. Atm he’s refusing to be flexible. I have a CAO less than a month old but it seems to have made the situation worse in the sense that he now thinks what he says goes.

A few thoughts:

1. Does your CAO specify that you take the kids to him? If so, you must do that, otherwise you are in breach of the order. Your only option would be to go back to court to change the CAO. Given that it was only made recently, a judge wouldn't be too pleased about that.

1. If the CAO doesn't specify who travels, check what it does say. If it says you must make the kids available for contact, then it leaves it open for either or both of you to do the travelling. In that instance, expecting to share the travel would be reasonable. You could take them one way, and him the other. Or you could alternate.

1. You could play hardball on that if he doesn't co-operate. You could say the kids are available for collection, and still comply with the court order.

1. HOWEVER, remember that the contact is for the kids' benefit - not yours, or his. So, personally, I would always suck it up for their sake if needed. I wouldn't play hardball in a way that could risk the other parent not seeing them. If he absolutely doesn't co-operate, I would still do the travel - because the kids benefit from that.

1. Why isn't he paying maintenance? He should be. Make an application to CMS if you haven't already done so.

All good points. Which I agree with and of course like I said, I have done and will continue to comply with the order. CAO specifies we share the traveling.

My issue isn’t so much with the traveling, its with his refusal to work flexibly, which then impacts my ability to work. I already cannot work on a Friday pm as I’ve got to drive dc to him. When this was ordered the thinking was that he’d be at work and he’d have no flexibility. And now his insistence that they be dropped off at 9am on a weekday will means that I’d have to take time off work in order to do so. Meanwhile he isn’t paying maintenance because, he’s not working and he’s living off funds from his mother as far as I know.

Can you communicate all of this to him in a reasonable email? Tell him exactly what the issues are regarding your work and propose reasonable compromises which will allow you to keep working, include the fact that you need to keep working in the email. This will allow you to prove exactly what you said and that you are being reasonable should you need to defend why you were unable to transport the kids on Fridays you have said yourself that you are meant to split travel. If you have a solicitor get them involved to be sure you aren't doing anything wrong.