When should I let exp know?

[tammybear]

Im off on holiday next Friday (YAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!! ) and exp is hoping to come and see dd that weekend. I told him about 7 weekends ago not to come that weekend, and mum also confirmed with his mum not to come that weekend. I now have to confirm it once again that I dont want them to come, as Im not comfortable with it and mum doesnt want to see them (sorry Im sure some of you are saying Ive heard this somewhere before). Well I am now in a debate of how to go about this. As Im in such a good mood at the moment, and things are seemingly going along smoothly, I know if I speak to exp I will get angry and upset as I always do. I dont want to leave it for my mum to do, as its not fair on her, and this is my decision etc. So I could either:

a) ring exp up at home either:

1. this weekend
2. sometime next week
3. the Friday I go

b) ring his mum up at home either (as above options)

c) tell exp in a txt either (as above options)

d) tell exp over MSN messenger either (as above options)

The reason why Ive included those options of when to tell him is that exp never gives me any notice, or not enough notice, and it really bugs me, so should I stoop down to his level to give him a taste of his medience (sorta speak) or should I give him plenty of notice. And I know the txt and msn options are pretty cowardly i guess, but Id just rather not end up having to scream down the phone as I know exp will bring up about PR and he has rights and Im stopping him from seeing dd and everyother crappy excuse he can come up with

Message withdrawn

Tammybear, why do you need to confirm it again? Are you going on holiday with your DD? If so, what is the problem? If he turns up even though twice he's been told not to, and you and DD are not there, that's his problem, not yours. If you're not going with DD, is she staying with your Mum?

yeah she's staying with mum, and exp knows that. and knowing exp and his parents they'll come down. sorry i know my problems with exp are such a pain in the bum

What's your Mum like now? Could you brief her to go out and be unavailable for that weekend? I just think that if your xp has been told that it is not convenient for him to come that weekend, he has no right to turn up, either at your place or your Mum's. Neither of you are at his beck and call, and the sooner he realises that, the better. But your Mum has to understand how totally out of order it would be for him to turn up when he's been told not to, and from what I remember on your other thread, I think you were having doubts that she could be relied upon to back you up?

If you can rely on her, I would simply assume that xp knows he's not coming down, get your Mum to go out for the day, and if he chooses to make an unnecessary and fruitless journey, that's his look out. At the moment, it looks to me like you're allowing him to cannibalise your brain-space, and he has no right to be in your brain!! He's been told twice - that should be an end of it, and if you run after him again to confirm again what you've already confirmed twice, you'll be dancing to his tune. When you should be concentrating on what colour bikini you're going to wear next week!

lol, not quite able to fit in a bikini but i did have a talk to my mum bout things that were bothering me and she's going to be supportive and i suggested to her about going out both days which she's quite happy to do as i have a feeling he'll come anyway

In that case, I'd definitely not bother to contact him again. Assume he's an adult and he knows. Start considering the serious issue of whether it's best to start off your holiday with a blue cocktail that looks like fabric conditioner, or a green one that looks like mouthwash! And also, whether it's best to have an umbrella in it or a sparkler!

lol, thanks meanbean