Aunt allowed contact with Dad.

[LasagneForLunch]

I have name changed incase this is recognised and I don’t want to be stalked round MN. Please don’t out my usual name if you recognise me.

Long backstory but the important details are that SS advised Dc dad have no contact at all. They closed our file based on the fact I agreed not to permit any contact. If I hadn’t DC would have been put on a child protection plan and me deemed not to be acting as a protective parent. (If it’s relevant I am in total agreement with SS and had no intention of allowing contact) DC dad has had no contact for over a year apart from an accidental meeting whilst with grandparent which I informed SS of as soon as I found out. They were fine with my handling of it and closed our file. The impact on DC of that contact was horrendous but we've worked through it and are settled again.

DC was at the park by our house with a friend yesterday and met SIL of Exp. SIL FaceTimed Exp and let him chat with DC.

I have no idea what SIL knows about the situation. I have never met her. Exp is a compulsive liar so I have little faith that anyone in his family knows the truth.

Should I contact her and ask that if she sees DC again she doesn’t initiate contact between them and EXp? Should I explain why?

How old is dc? Are they likely to come across the SIL again? I might just say to social services restrictions the dc are not to have ANY contact with exp

I think you should make sure that anyone looking after your children knows that they are not to have contact.

However, I'm not sure that I've correctly read your post; were the DC at the park supervised with a friend of yours, or unsupervised but with a friend of theirs?
If they are playing out alone, they need to be taught to say no to randoms asking them to Facetime. If you've never met the SIL. they can't know her very well.
Time for discussions with them about who is a stranger, they shouldn't be having any sort of conversations at the behest of someone who isn't you, on someone else's phone. They need to know that they are not to be in contact with Ex for their own protection, and that anyone who tries to get them to talk to him is not on their side.
If you don't know how best to address this with them, might be worth speaking to the school, who will normally have someone trained in this sort of thing.
And presumably the school are aware anyway? They need to be extra vigilant now, who knows what the DC might have told him.
Overall, I think I wouldn't be letting them play out unsupervised for a while: now he knows where they play, he might very easily turn up there.

DC is older primary school age. Was at the park unsupervised with their own friend. They know the SIL due to previously staying at her house, family outings etc when with exp (before contact ceased) so not at all a stranger to them. DC have mentioned SIL to me many times in the past when telling me about what they did with dad.

WRT to Dc knowing they shouldn’t have contact, they do know this but it’s very complicated. It’s a very delicate situation. They don’t understand the complexities of the situation and so was happy to talk to him.

I’ve decided now they can’t be at the park alone. I have no idea how likely it is SIL would be there again, I don’t know where she lives now. She may have moved locally.

The school are aware of everything BTW.

So you have a contact number for SIL? I'd message with a photo of a document from ss that says no contact with the dad. And explain that you don't know how much she knows, but in future not to facilitate any phone calls etc if she does bump into your dc.

I don’t have a number for her but have found her on social media.

I don’t have any documents from SS. They never gave me anything. Apart from the letter stating they were closing our file.

Oh that's trickier as she might think you're being a bit mad if you don't have evidence. Could you ask ss for a letter or do you think they'll say no as the case is closed?

With the case closed how easy would it be to reopen? How would they know? Id be inclined to not say anything but I havnt been through the mill as you have

I can imagine this is really worrying for you.

I’d call SS and tell them and ask for advice on how to proceed. You’ve cooperated fully in the past, and by calling them are doing so again.

Thanks everyone.

I didn’t think it was “big enough” of an issue to contact SS with but having slept on it I realise that regardless of what the SIL did or does in the future, EXP knows he can’t have contact and yet he did. That’s not okay. He shouldn’t have spoken to DC on FaceTime. He clearly plans on ignoring SS wishes when the opportunity presents itself so I am going to call them tomorrow. I’m not sure if they will reopen the case or even if they would just contact him to remind him of the situation.

You should tell her as I'm guessing like you said she has so idea. Although surely listening to their conversation she would have realised that they had not had contact for a while so it makes me think she has done it purposely!

If I was to guess I would say he has told people nothing about SS but just that I’m an evil cow who is keeping his DC from him.