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Lone parents

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Original poster

Ex and a new baby

16 replies

Cherry0183 · 21/08/2018 22:11

I’m 5 months pregnant my ex left when I was 14 weeks never attended any scans or appointment and is demanding the baby has his last name when I said no he became aggressive and I’ve cut all contact for now choosing to go through his mother who has been amazing . My question is what do I do next for the best what if he wants to be at the birth? He says he wants to see baby and take her home with him he has recently moved 300 miles away and when I explained I would be breastfeeding he said he can just give her a bottle any advice would be greatly appreciate.

OP posts:
thousandpapercranes · 21/08/2018 22:17

Take a newborn 300 miles away! What planet is he on?! Tell him absolutely not.

He’d be allowed and hour or two a day at most, with you in the background irrespective of wether baby is bottle or breastfed. Op stand your ground and don’t be bullied to accept something that isn’t in your baby’s interests.

Phillipa12 · 22/08/2018 06:44

Unless you would like him at the birth he has no right to be there. Oh and what pp said too!

LatteLover12 · 22/08/2018 06:50

There’s no way I’d give baby his last name or let him take the baby anywhere.

It’s your choice. I’d be tempted not to name him on the birth certificate either because if he’s named, that gives him ‘parental responsibility’ and a lot more rights.

Good luck.

MarchingOrders · 22/08/2018 06:51

Don't give baby his surname or put him on the birth certificate. Don't tell him that though, if he's invested enough in babies life to go to court then that's fine. He just sounds controlling, I'm sure he'll lose interest after a while.
Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Original poster
Cherry0183 · 25/08/2018 18:17

Thanks you have all given me a few things to think about and some things I had not considered. I guess it’s time for him to listen to what is best for the baby and stop stamping his feet to get what he wants .

OP posts:
thethoughtfox · 25/08/2018 20:31

Be very careful:giving baby his name gives him automatic parental rights so if he spends time with baby and fails to return him, there may be little you can do.

Original poster
Cherry0183 · 25/08/2018 20:57

Thank you another valid point that I had not considered

OP posts:
Starlight345 · 25/08/2018 23:54

Seriously you do not need to contact him. Or his mother . Give yourself some space tell them you will be in touch when baby is born.

Don’t tell him when appointment to register birth is.

Yes little and often is what is recommended. Baby would not be separated from you for contact at this stage .

Starlight345 · 25/08/2018 23:56

As for just give her a bottle he absolutely can’t . It is not advised at all when establishing breastfeeding but you would not expect to be separated even if bottle feeding.

whattimeislove · 26/08/2018 00:01
  • do not allow him at the birth. You need people you love/trust around you when you're potentially most vulnerable
  • do not give the baby his last name. Register baby alone (without him). He can later apply to have his name on the birth certificate but cannot change the baby's name.
  • do not hand over your baby. He can have short access visits with you around but no court would agree to him taking a young baby from their mum 300 miles away

Make sure everything for your baby (child benefit etc) is in your name and apply for child maintenance as soon as they're born

Fishface77 · 26/08/2018 00:08

As others have said,
In no way put him on birth certificate.
I would refuse to correspond with him and I certainly would allow him there when I’m giving birth!

Fishface77 · 26/08/2018 00:08

*WOULD NOT.
I certainly would not allow him there.

motherofonemarch · 26/08/2018 00:26

Hiya hunny,
I totally understand not wanting him at the birth as you need to be relaxed and having him there would probably not be the best idea, that is understandable but why not put him down on the birth certificate as he too has helped create the blessing you're currently carrying? Someone else mentioned to not have him listed on the birth certificate but still claim maintenance? Seems a little unfair.

whattimeislove · 26/08/2018 00:34

The only way you can register him on the birth certificate is if you're married (obviously not in this case) or if he goes with you.

If he goes with you it sounds like he's going to pressure you into registering his surname. Please do not let him do this. Much easier to register then let him apply for his name to go on as the father, especially as he can't change the surname at this point.

llangennith · 26/08/2018 00:46

Cease all contact now if you want a happy life for you and your child.

Plasticgiraffe · 26/08/2018 00:49

Don't tell him when you're due and where you're going to give birth - if possible change hospitals. Don't register him on birth certificate or use his surname. He can sort that himself later. Give yourself a few weeks after the birth then let his mum know.
I'm all for equal partnership in raising a child but the threat to take your newborn baby 300 miles away for a few days is bizarre and controlling.

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