When to stop chasing for contact

[mirrim]

Children's father and his side have little contact with children.

Father sees one child couple of times a week for couple hours each time. His other children's mothers, I guess, won't do contact as they have given up and blocked.

Fathers family sees one child about every 3 weeks for couple of hours and maybe once a year for other children.

The one child is mine. I chase father for contact daily. I chase his family for contact every 3 days or so.
I have tried invites to various activities, visits to their home (they expressly prefer people visit them rather than vice versa) and requests for suitable days and times. Mostly these go ignored.
How long do I go on for? It's heartbreaking and I dread the day my child asks about the situation. The situation is complicated between me and father but I'm adult about it and never cause a scene etc. When contact does happen there's no nonsense or ill feelings on my part and things go smoothly.

I can only imagine they must hate me being in their lives to just not try to have contact and blatantly ignore my attempts too. It's embarrassing how I just keep trying for contact but I want to one day assure my child I done everything I could.

You stop.

You can’t make anyone dad or family interested.

I do believe rp are made to feel guilty for nrp behaviour. I gave up and was so much happier when I did . There is a difference between blocking contact and not pushing.

I don’t believe the long term outcomes would be the same if I kept pushing

Did they get in touch to have contact then? Were you accommodating to them?

Op, how old is your dc?

Starlight is right. It doesn’t sound like your ex is very interested. I would stop chasing him or his family on contact. Either he will stop seeing his child and you will get the whole issue out of the way, leaving you to raise your dc without all the hassle & heartache, or your ex will step up and make some effort, in which case things will improve.

Your dc will be perfectly happy and secure with one loving & committed parent ie you. And when your dc is old enough to ask, the question will be why couldn’t the other parent make the effort.

I encouraged my DDs Dad to have contact with her and then he disappeared when she was 5. It affected her for a long time. I think she would have been better off if I hadn't bothered. They have some contact now 11 years later but it has been a fairly recent thing and he still lets her down a lot.

In your shoes I would leave it to them. If they want a relationship they would make the effort themselves.

I know how you feel though. You want your children to have a positive relationship with their other parent but only they can make it happen

Leave it. Doesn't sound as though any of them are interested. You can lead a horse to water...

My child is under 3. I could cry with the emotional pain when I think of it. I think I will keep trying until the end of this month then give up. I have tried to give up in the past but I'm a kind person and want to give as many chances as I can but it really is upsetting for me and it's upsetting for my child when 'strangers' (ie. gps and aunts and uncles) try to hold or carry etc. I hadn't thought of the impact of a later date dismissal so once this month is over I will only respond to requests from their part. Thank you everyone I find this such a hard rejection as it's the first (and probably worst) type when it's your child they're rejecting who is their own family.

No my Ds is now 11 and despite no change of address, email , phone number no one has sent so much as a Christmas card.

I have dine so many things to accommodate them but I get what you say how it hurts. It felt like I was stabbed in the heart every time my Ds was rejected.

I was much more emotionally balanced when I stopped trying . Contact became more and more sporadic till it stopped.

It sounds like you have tried very hard. They must already know that you are open to contact , I always think once they know that it is up to them to accept . It might make them miss it but equally they may continue not to bother.

I tell my Ds that we focus on the people who want to be involved in our life . I think this applies to you . Focus on you and Dd , the supportive people around you. That is a lot more fulfilling than chasing someone who isn’t interested

Wow that's really well put and has struck a huge cord. Thank you for that 💐

Honestly, I think it's more damaging to be constantly let down by a parent than it is to just not have them in your child's life. Let contact die out (which it will if you stop chasing it) while your child is so young that they won't remember.

My kids see their dad twice a year having dwindled from eow. They know that I have NEVER refused contact and I've had to put up with all sorts of emotional turmoil from them due to being let down so often. They now don't ask when they're going to see him but it makes a nice change when they do.

It took several sessions of counselling for me to relinquish the responsibility/guilt back to him.