Recently separated, dying mum

6 replies

Wilto80 · 13/08/2018 02:24

Hi, I separated from my partner of nearly 20 years and father of my 3 kids 2 months ago. To boot my mum is dying of cancer and i literally feel broken. Any words of advice?

OP posts:

cantthinkstraighta · 13/08/2018 02:26

Didn't want to read and run. I have no advice but I just wanted to say how shit it all is. Have you been to get support of GP as you have a lot going on.

Original poster

Wilto80 · 13/08/2018 02:37

Thanks. No, not yet. Have taken a few weeks off work to gather myself. Separated cos partner was taking drugs, drinking and generally unsupportive but now i really miss him and feel really stupid.

OP posts:

NarcolepticOuchMouse · 13/08/2018 02:54

I know this is very much easier said than done, but try not to go back to your ex. It sounds like being separate is the healthier choice for you. Have you any close friends you can lean on? My mother died when I was a 11 so I don't know how it feels to lose a parent as an adult, but to lose your mother at all is dreadful. It may take a very long while before things start to feel brighter but you will get there.

cantthinkstraighta · 13/08/2018 03:17

I keep thinking how it would be much easier with my ex at the minute but it sounds in your case he would actually be making things much worse for you at the moment if he was back in your life.
It is difficult at the moment as you are suffering two separate causes of grief. Loss of perceived life with ex and your mums illness.
However you can now focus on your mums illness, if he was there he would be adding more stress and diverting attention from where it needs to be at the moment. That would be something you would regret giving him in time to come.

pumpkinbump · 17/08/2018 01:23

I'm so sorry to read this. My mother died of cancer in 2013 when she was 58. All I can say is to try to spend as much time as possible with her. That is one thing I regret. I found it hard as it was almost admitting what would happen I purposely spent more time with her. Do you have other family helping with your mother?

pumpkinbump · 17/08/2018 01:25

I will also echo what cantthinkstraighta is saying. I was going through a crappy break up also with my then ex and I spent far too much time and effort on him when I should have been focusing on my mother.

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