Partner seems to have stepped back from family life

[2kids1me]

Hi everyone
Looking for some advice,
This is the first summer of my partner living with me and my children.
Up to this point I thought we were building a ‘family’ setting so to speak. I’ve never expected him to be Dad to my children but to perhaps just blend in.
I’ve gone along with the flow and just let things progress naturally.
My youngest likes him my eldest thinks he’s a threat to the system (pre teen! I expected it)
So I’ve played piggy in the middle making sure they are all ok including his son when he comes on weekends.
No one seems to have thought about my feelings in it all.
Any way summer holidays are here and he’s never been one to come out with us as a group, I’ve tried to talk to him and he says my kids aren’t well behaved! They are but they are kids, they have mad moments just like any of us and I’m starting to think that even if they were well behaved he wouldn’t do things with us!
This past week I’m reaching the point where I don’t even want to speak to him, he’s destroying my emotions and making me feel like I’m alone again.
I don’t even feel talking to him helps and I’m at a loose end.
I genuinely wonder if I’d rather be alone then stuck in a situation that will never become what my heart desires.
Am I being over emotional here? Does anyone else have a similar story that’s worked out?
No bashing please
Thanks

I think he doesn't want a proper relationship. He doesn't want to make any effort with your kids.
Maybe he has moved in with you too soon.
Is it your home or in both names?
Does he contribute to living expenses?
Sorry it isn't going well.

It’s my house, but since moving in he pays half of all the house bills and food.
I do feel like it’s ok when it’s just us 2 but that’s not my life, I have children.
Would it kill him to come to the park or play with them?
He doesn’t even sit in the living room with us
He gives his reasons but the odd sibling break out to me isn’t a valid excuse

I feel sorry for your kids.

He doesn’t even sit in the living room with us

Literally, what is the point in him living there?

All I can suggest is that you sit down and have the serious talk about what you both want from life and the relationship. It sounds to me as though you both have fundamentally different wants. If that's the case, it will only ever cause tension, and probably isn't reconcilable. So you would be better off going your separate ways. However, there's always the chance that this chat will surprise you. You may find a set of compromises that work for all of you.

But, whatever you do, please remember that your kids' needs come ahead of either of yours. At the moment, they will be picking up that they are the cause of tension between the two of you (even if you think you're keeping it away from them). That can be pretty harmful to their wellbeing, so this needs resolving one way or another.

Personally, I think it's always worth having that life goals conversation before allowing anyone to move in. Even if you get on brilliantly in every other way, if you have fundamentally different views on how family life should work (or even whether you should have a combined family life), then it isn't going to work. Better to find that out early. Good luck.

I think you need to ask him to move out. This situation is not going to improve as your children move into their teens and through puberty. Actually, it could become rather confrontational the longer he is establishing himself in your home.
It will hurt but this is not a fairytale romance. It's real life with real children. I think you know that.

I would also say 'how sad that he won't have any support for when he has responsibility for his own son, someone to look after his son, and arrange activities, and meals, and a fresh bed etc etc', and yes, I'm being sarcastic but it's likely that that is one of the big benefits of moving in with you.

My ex ( note the ex) but was also my Ds father left everything to me . Honestly it is easier on your own than someone benn there but absent. You and your children are part of that package . If he can’t do that you are better off alone.