Female advice needed!

[SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad]

Okay, mums. This is probably the part where you laugh and remark "useless men", but I could use some advice about sorting out a first bra for my 13 year old daughter.

Up to now, she has been wearing sports style crop tops - the sort that are getting more bra-like without actually being a bra. But I think the time is right to get her fitted for a proper bra.

Obviously, I know how important it is for a bra to fit well - so I'm assuming that the best thing to do is take her into somewhere she can be measured (Marks and Spencer? Somewhere slightly more suited to your typical teenager?). Naturally, she's 13, so she can be self conscious. Doubtless, it could all be very awkward for her - so, not having much experience of these things myself, I was wondering what the process entails? I'm sure she'll have questions, so I just want to be able to offer her whatever reassurance / whatever she needs.

Got no problem talking to her about this sort of thing (we've already had the chat about the sanitary towels that are in her en-suite when she needs them), but I feel like I'm doing so from a position of some ignorance when it comes to the mechanics of bra fitting! Her Mum is around (50/50 care), but showing no signs of approaching this, and is not particularly helpful when it comes to co-parenting constructively. So 'get her mum to do it' probably won't cut it (and is, in any case, not the way I approach this parenting malarkey).

So, any advice gratefully received, on the process itself, other ways she might want to go about getting her first bra, or anything else I should be aware of at what I'm sure is a landmark moment for any teenage girl? I'm probably not quite as useless as I sound - I just think that it's important that she grows up feeling positive about herself and her body, and want to ensure I go about this the right way, and can offer the right support, to avoid any embarrassment for her. Thank you.

I don't have children yet (first on the way) but I am a female so someone that does wear a bra and understands the importance of comfort and support that comes from the right fitting bra!

Wow I can't even remember where I got measured or bought my first bra!

M&S are fab place to go, or Debenhams are just as good for sizing. Your sized wearing bra usually (I always have been). They will also give advice on the shape of bra that would be good for her and then once she has her size she can pick bras she likes. Primark or top shop or wherever will have some fashionable bras if that's what she's after. Primark etc are perfectly fine so long as you don't have massive boobs!

Alternatively there are sizing charts and instructions online so she could technically follow that with a tape measure if she wanted and then go off and try loads on until she finds one that fits right, although it is much better to get sized up.

It's something that just happens to every woman, we have to buy bras! I wouldn't even call it a major landmark in my life, she'll soon forget her first bra after wearing one everyday for the next god knows how many years!

Hope this helps 😊

Please don't take her to M&S or Debenhams to be fitted, their fitting methods are outdated and just plain wrong! Bravissimo or John Lewis both have a good reputation, I would go Bravissimo if you have one locally.

Has she a friend who could go with her so you can sort of not be there really?

Usually a lovely lady who has seen it all before measures one with a regular tape measure round the rib cage then round the sticky out bits. Then she trots off and comes back with a bunch to try. She steps out while one tries them on, coming back in to see how they fit/adjust the straps. Always in a private cubicle.

There are teen bras -very soft cotton - in places like H@M.

I think bravissimo will scare her abit! And your wallet! Try John Lewis if you can. M&S ate crap at sizing.

You sound like a caring dad. If she doesn't want to wear a bra at all that's good too of course. There ain't a law that says she must

I do shop in bravissimo but I would doubt she would need a first bra from there as they are dd+ sizes. I would say Debenhams to begin with tbh op.

I have always found M&S/Debenhams good if I have used but each to their own. Bravissimo are great, that is where I go but they haven't got many stores around and I was under the impression that they were a place for bigger breasted women as they don't sell smaller sizes.. I'm a 34GG and I do love it there!

Oh and John Lewis do bra fittings!?

Bravissimo will measure (the correct way!) regardless of whether you're buying and it's the measuring bit that matters, once you're armed with her size you'll have your pick of shops.

And yes LG they do!

I'd see if you have a small independent underwear shop near to where you live. I've always found them more welcoming and the whole experience less rushed! Also seem to be very up to date with fitting and can order different bras in from many brands, not just their own shop ones (such as m and s)

@Hidingtonothing ah I always thought to buy a bra if I'm fitted so it wouldn't cross my mind to go in to somewhere like bravissimo for a fitting for a first bra.

Oh okay! Always had John Lewis down as a 'home' store but I've never even shopped in there so how would I know!

I remember my first bra fitting, I was about 12/13. It was horribly embarrassing if I'm honest. This very brusque lady spent far too long poking my boobs and I grew out of the resulting bra extremely quickly.

So my advice would be for her to measure herself - it's very easy and there are YouTube videos/instructions online. Figleaves is a great website for buying bras once she knows her size.

This does all depend on your daughter though so ask her if she would like to be fitted and explain it will involve a stranger looking at her boobs. She might not care. I definitely did at 13.

Once I was 16/17 I was no longer embarrassed and now would have a bra fitting no problem.

Having said all of that, If she is quite small she could get about with soft sporty bras for a while longer btw

As the owner of a 14 year old girl I would measure her yourself.
Under the boobs - band width (do not add anything).
Over boobs- 1 inch A, 2 inches B etc.
Then go to Debenhams and choose a few to try on.
The band should be snug and lay flat between boobs. Boob should be enclose in cup.
Once you have size and a few that fit well she is likely to want to purchase so from Primark ( great if you are an A to C cup and band above 32).
DD likes t-shirt bras.
We buy in Debenhams and tesco for her now. She is like me a narrow band and so primark is not a good option.

An individual bra shop if you have one in your town/city would be best. I have been to Debenhams mine was useless and not very interested as she was speaking to a friend. I went to M&S and found the lady very helpful. They have quite a large shop too.it is important to try it on and even then you can make a mistake. I bought a bra that is supposed to be popular only to find it rides up all the time.
House of Fraser might be worth a try too. They used to have a seperate underwear dept.
Is there a cousin or Aunty that could take her? I do think it is marvellous that you are so concerned to get it right.

I think it’s great that you can talk to her and you are willing to sort this out. My “D”M has always been a bit useless and in the end an Aunty must have noticed I needed a bra on a visit, guessed the size and posted me one.

I also advise against M&s and suggest JL. They are always very professional- I would book her an appointment there, explaining the basic situation (ie she will be a young girl coming in for a first fitting without a mum on hand). They will allocate someone knowledgeable and maternal, who will take care of everything. Then just park yourself with the wallet until they have sorted out 3 bras (preferably including a sports one) and take your dd to the cafe afterwards to celebrate.

Thank you all for the advice - really helpful 🙂

I would also recommend John Lewis, if you have one available locally.

My friend who has young teenage daughters got both her girls measured there and their selection is quite good too.

Make sure you get at least one good plain white one, for under school shirts.

As a first trip for a bra she might not think of the practicalities, and just go for the more colourful / patterned ones.

Also I would recommend the soft, thick T shirt bras for under school shirts.

Steer clear of M&S. If you have an independent lingerie shop near you, that would be ideal. If not John Lewis or house of fraser are good. She will need 3 or 4 including a plain one and possibly a sports one.

Hi I'd keep it low key. When my daughter was 13 she measured herself, there's plenty of help on your tube and online.
Then we went to the local asda of all places and she tried loads on and I got her the ones she liked. Don't spend loads as she will grow out of them quite quickly.
Also after she's worn them a couple of times she may find that a particular style is uncomfortable and you'll have to get more!.
So keep it cheap and cheerful.

John Lewis.

Bravissimo only cater for people larger than a D cup so probably would have already realised/had a proper bra before now if this were the case!!

I'd consider asking if she wants any help first. Lots of online info to work out your correct size and she might not necessarily want her Dad to tag along.

www.brastop.com/t/bra-fitting-guide