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Original poster

Clothing

11 replies

Diddlysquat1 · 02/08/2018 22:38

Just wanted to know what everyone’s routines are regarding returning children’s clothes to the other parent.
My ex sends DD home in clothes he buys, I wash and return at next handover if clean and dry.
He seems to think that he can keep the clothes DD arrives in for as long as he likes so every few weeks I have to send him a detailed list asking for the items to be returned but a lot of items go amiss and don’t get returned. Pulling my hair out!!!

OP posts:
heavandhell · 03/08/2018 06:09

I send my son to his dads with everything but pjs and a toothbrush but I always get them back. I wash them at mine. His dad does him have spares at his too.

eve34 · 03/08/2018 17:24

I provide stuff for the kids. He has them 4 days a month so seems little point him having things for them.

I chase every visit after something. One weekend it was 2 jumpers and a pair of shoes. I don't have enough clothes to be without these things for weeks. But apparently I'm being petty. I feel your pain.

Bumply · 03/08/2018 17:57

I had the missing items (including their only school coats on occasion)

I also complained when their washed clothes came back stinking of smoke.

Ended up sending them in 1 set of clothes which they returned in and he bought everything for them to use there which never travelled.

motortroll · 03/08/2018 18:31

On other side when we had my SD she'd have clothes at ours which we'd encourage her to wear and I'd wash what she came in and send it back with her. Her mum used to send back the clothes she went home in as she didn't like our choices (think high school musical and Hannah Montana at the time....my sd loved them but wasn't allowed "themed" clothes at home.

Her mum didn't like me washing them either!

In short I think don't send anything other than what they're wearing. If you don't send it they can't lose it. I'm sure their dad can sort something for while they're there. Make sure they go in something you can cope without for a week.

I used to even keep a coat at ours in case she forgot hers or it was likely to get dirty.

NorthernSpirit · 03/08/2018 18:32

I’m a DSM. My OH has his kids EOW and half the holidays. So here’s how it works with us....

We have everything the kids need at ours. We do didn’t want them thinking that our home was a hotel and they had to pack a bag.

We have had some challenges with clothes (that never come back). The winter before last he bought the kids 3 winter coats as they’d go back to mums and we’d never see the items again. Last year my OH put his foot down - he’d bought his son 3 pairs of trainers in succession and he went back to mums in them and we never saw them again. It got to the point we’re he had no footwear at ours. Mum sent him the next time he turned up in a pair of studded football boots, the time in a pair of flip flops and time after a pair of sliders. He (my OH) had to write to mum to say if it continued to turn up in inappropriate footwear he’d be buying replacement footware and taking the money off the maintenance (he pays £100 over the stated CMS amount).

Clothes are really emotive. We believe the clothes are the kids, not ‘ours’ or ‘mums’ and the kids should go back and forth in what they want. As they get older it gets easier as they do bring bits they want to wear.

Lynne1Cat · 03/08/2018 18:35

My son has got loads of clothes for his girls...dresses, tops, underwear, pyjamas, hair bobbles, everything. He keeps them at his house. When the mother sends the kids, he changes their clothes for something he's got, and the girls go back in the clothes they arrived in.

octobersunshine · 03/08/2018 19:07

NorthernSpirit, your OH taking money off maintenance seems a bit off. Maintenance is paid irrespective. Even if he does pay over the base rate, CMS rate of 12% after pension contributions is hardly reflective of costs of a child. I hear a lot of fathers who seem to regard paying over the legal minimum they can get away with by law as a massive favour to the mother, who lets face it, even with maintenance pay far more to the overall costs of raising children.

Louw12345 · 03/08/2018 23:36

I used to send mine with clothes but it got too much especially when they went for the weekend wouldn't come home with school socks and knickers that where too small, and not onecessarily item of clothing they was sent in. By the time we got it back it wasnt washed either!
I supplied tooth brushes, hair brushes, wash stuff and pj's from first over nights.

Daughter bought an outfit with bday money we didn't seen it for weeks (due to him not seeing them). He stopped paying CMS to.

I explaineed I could no longer provide clothes due to them not being returned and being unable to replace 2 outfits per 3 children etc.

Lonecatwithkitten · 04/08/2018 06:49

DD took everything with her when she went to ExHs as he smokes heavily and when we did 50:50 she got bullied at school for smelling of smoke. She also never left anything of hers there as several things of hers went 'missing' with hindsight her SS probably stole them.
He would always say ' DD says I am not to wash anything and she says she is not to leave anything here' he just didn't get that drying clothes in a house where you smoke regularly makes them smell.
I am sure this is not the case, but sometimes it is the child's decision not the other parent. I used to take the flak for her so she didn't have to say Dad your house stinks and my stuff always goes missing here.

NorthernSpirit · 04/08/2018 09:22

@Octobersunshine - in response to your post. My OH pays the mum £700 a month and on top of that pays etc for trips and activities. He buys on top everything the kids need when they are at ours.

I this particular example he didn’t reduce maintenance, he said he would take £25 off if the children didn’t turn up in appropriate footware. In this example his son had returned home each week in footwear his dad had bought and the next time turned up in studded football boots. He had to walk his son into town in studded football boots to buy proper footware. Hardly fair when he pays maintenance, pays more on top and buys everything for ours and mum can’t send the kids back in proper shoes. So in this case I believe it was justified. Funnily enough since then the ‘keeping things at hers never to be seen again’ has stopped.

Chucklecheeks1 · 04/08/2018 10:09

Thats great northern, your threat worked. Chuffed for you 😏🙄

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