Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

i really need some advice

17 replies

Batman474 · 23/07/2018 22:32

hiya first let me say please i don't want judging or nasty comments i have enough to deal with

ok so my children were living with there father as far as everyone was concerned this was a mutual agreement (even the children) this is not true this guy was a nasty man and i had no choice but to leave my children behind. i was incredibly unwell and this was also he's fault when i left i had a nervous breakdown and ended up nearly sectioned. fast forward 6 yrs and without warning dad has passed away. it has now become clear that he has spent years trying to turn my kids against me. i have alway kept in touch and had contact with my children no matter how hard he made it i stayed in there life. had regular face to face and telephone/facetime contact attended schools and doctors hospital appointment etc

now comes why i need advice. i have two boys and two girls aged between 8-16.
my girls are mummy girls and no matter what there dad said they always wanted me but he wouldn't allow it so they stayed with him. however he has managed quite successfully to turn my boys against me. there was never any court order so now by law the children should be with me but sadly my boys are saying they want to live with someone else.
i have spoken to a solicitor and i have ever right to ensure my boys live with me after all i am there mother my question is. do i tell the boys they have to live with me and deal with the back lash until the realise im not who he made me out to be or do i go with there wishes and let them live with someone else and split up my children???

i want what is best for my kids they are my number 1 priority and always have been. my ex husband tried to move them thousands of miles away but my daughter told me and i intervened but was unable to remove them like i said he was a nasty piece of work. but he is now dead and i have a chance to show my children what life really can be like. he never took them anywhere they lived in a state and i had no power. (and thats just the start)

there are many reason i couldn't have my children and i can't explain everything please don't judge me it killed me every day.

what would you do if it was you?
i don't want my kids split up but i also don't want to hurt my boys either
all advice welcome judgement and nasty comments are not!

OP posts:
Original poster
Batman474 · 23/07/2018 22:34

i would like to add just incase. i am no longer ill. i have a home a job and a great partner who my kids know and get on with extremely well

OP posts:
Solasum · 23/07/2018 22:35

Can you actually accommodate all 4 children? Does the other person actually want to take the boys?

In your shoes I think I would give a home to the girls, get the boys to come to yours as much as possible, and make it clear to them that your door is always open.

Original poster
Batman474 · 23/07/2018 22:41

hi thanks for your reply. i am able to accommodate them yes. they have spent time with me as i said i had a lot of contact with them so always ensured i had bedrooms for them.

OP posts:
PinkCherryBlossomTree · 24/07/2018 06:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Batman474 · 24/07/2018 10:18

The boys are 10 and 11

OP posts:
Doyoumind · 24/07/2018 10:24

They need a lot of support after the death of their father. I would be as welcoming as possible to them without saying outright they have to live with you and see how it goes. Hopefully they will agree that it's best to live as a family rather than being split up.

frasier · 24/07/2018 10:29

Would you be able to compromise, have the boys part of the week?

Original poster
Batman474 · 24/07/2018 14:19

Unfortunately that choice is not possible if they go it will be over 300 miles away

OP posts:
PinkCherryBlossomTree · 24/07/2018 15:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Batman474 · 24/07/2018 16:24

A family member who they only saw max 3 times a year

OP posts:
frasier · 24/07/2018 16:35

What has it got to do with them? Are they their father’s family members?

Doyoumind · 24/07/2018 16:36

That sounds a bit like the grass is greener then. What about having them come to live with you for a set period after which they can decide what they want to do next?

Have they thought about the implications of a move 300 miles away - leaving their sisters, their schools, their friends etc?

RandomMess · 24/07/2018 16:37

Hmmm how about you tell them they need to stay with you for a year then it can be reviewed?

PinkCherryBlossomTree · 24/07/2018 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Batman474 · 24/07/2018 21:49

That is my fear that they will continue the dads rain. It is one of his older children they want to go to (half sibling). But they arr just as bad as the dad was. Infact we didnt speak for 7 yrs till the father died. So i obv font believe much that comes out there mouth. My boys think sun shines out there ass

OP posts:
Doyoumind · 24/07/2018 22:10

In which case I still think you get them to live with you for a set period and make sure you are open to them having contact with their half sibling.

Original poster
Batman474 · 24/07/2018 22:30

Thank you. I think thats what i will fo. Thank you to you and everyone for the advice

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page