Does have a newborn get easier !!?????

[Motherofpearl19]

I'm kind of a single parent as the father of my 4 week old baby is abroad and has visa issues - not sure what will happen in terms of us.

But my question is this - when does being a mum get easier?

I wanted to be a mum more than anything and was so happy to discover I would be one (even though it was unplanned, and a scary prospect as father is not in this country). Pregnancy was amazing! I felt confident about the future and have been and still am so supported by all my incredible friends.

My baby girl is just 4 weeks old and so I know I'm being a bit hasty here - but oh my god, I'm finding it hard. A lot of the time I think she's very sweet, but more of the time I'm finding it overwhelming and stressful! I naively just didn't realise what an adjustment it would be. I don't feel like I can get anything done because she wants to be fed ALL THE TIME (I'm breastfeeding and I guess she likes little and often), or she won't let me put her down. I know she's soooo little and she needs needs me more than ever but I sometimes feel at the end of my tether, which is a horrible feeling! I think she's having a growth spurt and / or a developmental stage where she is very clingy but even knowing this doesn't make it easier - when like today she is latching on and off every 30 mins and screaming if I pop her down to go to the loo!

Rather than seeking advice about feeding and attachment etc, I'm really just wondering when things will feel a bit easier? I.e when have you found your baby to develop a bit of a feeding pattern for themselves. It's probably worth saying now, I don't believe in leaving her to cry at this stage or trying to impose a routine for her when she is so little.

I do see friends often as they come to visit, but obviously I'm by myself most of the time. I guess not having a partner here in the evening makes a difference as that would break up the day a bit. But how can I feel less frustrated with my sweet little baby - who needs me so much to be more relaxed and patient. I want to feel more bonded with her and can't believe I don't feel happier :(

Thanks @DamsonPie getting out is a life saver! I have a book that recommends staying home for 6 weeks. Umm, no thanks, not possible. I took her out for a walk today and ended up carrying her on one shoulder (she's soooo tiny) with one hand and pushing the pram with the other as she literally won't not be on a body (it doesn't have to be mine, luckily). We walked for a couple of miles like this and it helped!

Hi OP. I remember those days with my first, both my boys had reflux and that was tough, swaddling saved me! Old fashioned but so effective, google how to do it right and you may be amazed. I remember getting my first 4 hour nap when my DS was only a few weeks old and had been screaming every time I put him down. Saw a man on morning tv demonstrating swaddling and I grabbed a scarf and wrapped my little fella up so tight, he slept for hours!!!! I then invested in some soft sheets that my mum cut into squares, need to be square for the best swaddle but you can try with a sheet or scarf first. They're not used to feeling so free with their little arms and legs moving uncontrollably. Think about where they've been the last 9 months. White noise works too, turn the hoover on (you don't actually have to hoover!), radio on static, hairdryer, tumble dryer etc. And yes I agree with pp's, it does get easier, follow your gut and do what feels right for you two, parenthood is constantly changing, everything is a phase and nothing lasts too long before it changes again! Welcome aboard x good luck x ps. I'm sure a small glass wouldn't hurt, I was told to drink Guinness!

Everything, literally every thing you describe is totally normal and it gets slightly easier every week. Well maybe not easier but different and you seem to cope more with the challenges!

I think it would really help you to get out and be around people, esp other mums with newborns, so you'd see that you're doing a grand job and what you're going through is happening to others too. I dk if you can afford to go to baby groups but there's usually some that are not too pricey and payg. Theres a lot of bf community and support group type things that are free and generally offer tea and biscuits and a friendly face.
Even if you just walk to the nearest park and sit on a bench bf (or have to stop several times enroute to feed on someone's garden wall!) It's so good for your brain to be out in the world. go early if you can so it's not so hot. afternoons are so hot for babies at the moment.

slings are a winner if it's not too warm.

white noise! get a phone app. you can try different sounds to see what baby likes.

acceptance that you may well just have to sit on the sofa feeding your baby for the next few weeks. watch some feel good tv for when you're trapped.

prioritise when baby is sleeping what you most want to do in those ten minutes.

great idea for a safe place to put them down in each room. even changing mat on floor next to bath is good. I'd definitely prioritise a shower myself. shower and food and sod everything else. see if your friends can help with household chores and wotnot bitbreally the house won't fall down if you don't Hoover for a few weeks ;)

And in response to a pp, I knew it would be hard having a baby. I have a lot of life experience and I'm a grafter.

But it's so, so much harder. You can have a sense of sleep deprivation and a crying baby and being tied to one spot feeding. But nothing can prepare you for the actual first hand experience of living it. Plus every baby is different, some are easier and others harder at different times in their development.
And being in effect a single parent and not having someone t9 share the load with makes it a million times harder.

The fact you have a happy growing baby means you're doing an amazing job. And really mega hard job mostly on your own. Go you!

It will definitely get easier. Do some reading up on the 4th trimester. My ds is 13 weeks and it's so much easier now. It will improve little by little and it can be hard to notice but in a few weeks you'll look back and realise how much has changed and you've survived the worst of it. Good luck and congratulations on your lo

Wine and breastfeeding isn't controversial as far as I know? I thought it was fairly widely accepted that it's fine these days.

I'm finding the first few weeks harder physically second time around in that I'm having to manage all the breastfeeding/ sleepless nights with a hyperactive toddler around (no 'sleeping when the baby sleeps' like that ever happens anyway) but emotionally it's far far easier because this time I know this stage is very temporary and it will get better.

If you have Netflix watch The Letdown.

Oh yeah and crack on with the wine. it barely crosses the blood milk barrier and like a precious poster said, you'd have to be so drunk for it to be transmitted to your baby that you'd probably have dropped it and not be feed8ng in the first place.

it's not contentious, there's a lot of research evidence to back it up (I'm a scientist). it's just that people aren't informed very well and old incorrect ideas persist even amongst professionals like pumping and dumping or timing feeds (all totally unnecessary!)

Something that may also help have a couple of minutes to yourself is white noise. I had a colicy/reflux baby who would scream what felt like hours. I read about white noise, didn’t believe it. Either YouTube or Spotify will have something (try different ones), DD was asleep within seconds.

I think the hardest parts is the loneliness and no sense of normality for the first few weeks.... but remember they won’t be this tiny forever

I have an 8 week old baby girl and I feel you're pain!! Although I'm a lot happier than I was at 4 weeks.

I was also breast feeding but as she just wouldn't stay on the boob and lost weight I gave up. She had to go onto a feeding plan and it nearly killed me. Feed - top up with formula/breast milk - express.......every 2 hours! I managed to express a bit and freeze it so she has a little breast milk every other day until it runs out now. After a month of no sleep and my mum (who is normally a breast feeding advocate) telling me I was beginning to show signs of post natal depression and to not be so upset if I stopped breast feeding.......I stopped! I feel so much better for it. But I'm gutted I had to stop.

The thing is I am also practically a single mum, dad is around but we don't live together. This means I am doing everything!! And it's bloody hard work!

I found doing these things helped:

1. Stop caring about what the house looks like. As long as the kitchen and bathroom are clean the rest can wait.
2. Sleep when you can, I actually felt guilty when my baby slept and I slept too......I thought I should be doing stuff but that's just stupid! I now take as many naps as I can.
3. Go on Pinterest and find 10 min meal ideas.....pasta is my fav at the min as you can make it in 10 mins and eat it with one hand. Also maybe get your food shop delivered, one less thing to deal with. Let someone else do your food shopping for you.
4. Buy a baby sling, when baby doesn't want to be put down you can use it and still have both hands free.
5. Don't be so hard on yourself! You are doing a great job and I promise it does get easier!! My girl is now sleeping a solid 4 hours at night, feeding and then sleeping another 4!! The first time she did it I thought there was something wrong lol.

Good luck xx

One last thing, pls don't listen to other women who are amazed at how hard people find having a baby. Nobody knows how difficult it is until it actually happens. It's perfectly normal to feel over whelmed in those first few weeks xx

Oh god I was finding it so hard at four weeks, and I had a very supportive partner and an easier baby by the sounds of things. It's so so hard.

Second the recommendation for a play mat thing. DD is three months and that's still how I get breakfast. Can't remember when she started using it, but I know I was surprised at how early it interested her.

One thing - if she needs to be upright all the time, consider whether she has silent reflux. She might just like to be close to you which is exhausting fine, but DD had silent reflux and life got so much easier once she was on a medicine that helped. Your story of carrying the baby while pushing the pram is very familiar!

Definitely seek help if you think there's the slightest chance you have pnd. There is literally nothing to be gained by struggling on alone with it.

I found things improved around six weeks. Feeding was established, and baby started smiling which at least made it feel like I was getting something back. As someone else said, I swear that's the first milestone so we don't throttle them!

Things then got easier again around 12 weeks.

You can do this, you are doing this. But it is bloody hard.

Be careful with wine if your baby won't sleep anywhere except on you. Alcohol (even a little bit) causes a serious.hazard when co sleeping, planned or unplanned.

That would be my biggest tip - look up safe co sleeping guidelines so if the baby will only sleep on/next to you at least you can do it safely :)

IME there is a shift at 6-8 weeks and another shift at about 3-4 months. Hang in there.

Thanks so much everyone!!! So supportive and encouraging.

A little turn around, Pearl has been in agony all morning, screaming. A scour of the internet and I suspect (as a couple of PP's suggested earlier) that she may have silent reflux - she has every single symptom! On way to docs now. And I shall NEVER complain about her being 'needy' again. She can be as needy as she wants...as long as she's not in pain. Uffffffff, just horrible to be so helpless

@pastabest oh yes the letdown is brilliant! Watched a couple when I was preggo, but will def watch again with my new perspective!

How did you get on at the docs OP?

Hope the docs went well. I was coming back to suggest a sling so you can get out. Homestart are great from what I know. They will do things like hold baby so you can go and have a decent shower etc. x

@LivLemler the doc didn't check anything, just agreed with me when I told her the symptoms and said it thought it may be silent reflux - she prescribed gaviscon. The same doctor also agreed with me when I suggested she may have colic the week before.

I guess it's hard to tell when they are so little. But something is up with her digestion that's for sure

Hopefully you're on the right track anyway.

I found it impossible to get gaviscon into breastfed DD. You might have more luck, but I think it's easier when it can go in a bottle. We ended up with ranitidine which was much easier - just 0.5ml.

We ended up with ranitidine too, and a couple of others! Omeprazole and domperidone I think! 13 yr old still on ranitidine now! I found laying them on their left side on a feeding cushion to sleep helped too but I know that's controversial x hope you get some respite soon op and don't forget, you are doing great 😘😘😘😘

I’m a single mum too and I can deffo agree on it getting better. Really struggled to begin with, everything is relentless with a newborn and such an effort to even get out the house. Plus having the responsibility of doing it on your own seems worse! But it does, once they start laughing, becoming more independent and will happily sit and play with toys whilst you rush about takes the edge. You will get there and you will have the best bond and memories with your little one. You will miss the chaos xxx

Ah dear love ya! Believe me we've all been there and yes it does get easier. You just do what feels natural and go easy on yourself. Big hug to you xx

@user1494270143 good to hear it from other single mums! I'm trying to enjoy even the hard days as I'll never get them back!

Thanks @TaraCave thats really sweet and encouraging. Everyone has been so kind - even though millions of women have done it, and will continue to do so! I am being a bit silly really...just quite anxious I guess

The turning point for me was the 3 month stage then at 6 months then at yeR. Each stage progressively easier, hang in there and accept help from everyone who offers!

Single parent here too.

DDs were seven and five when I had my now toddler. The elder two have a different Dad to my toddler. Husband walked out when I was pregnant and haven’t seen him since

I knew how hard a newborn was going to be. Having done it twice before. But I’d had a very involved partner those times. The sheer relentless nature of it overwhelmed me. She also had colic milk allergy and reflux so she’d vomit most of her feeds back up. She didn’t sleep for more than hour or two at best until she was almost one. From one to two she still woke every three to four hours. My others slept through for eight hours from about five months.

Definitely does get easier. I had severe post natal depression which was not helped by zero sleep and anxiety which was due to her having sepsis when she was born.

I had zero help from anyone. Take every offer you can