Does have a newborn get easier !!?????

[Motherofpearl19]

I'm kind of a single parent as the father of my 4 week old baby is abroad and has visa issues - not sure what will happen in terms of us.

But my question is this - when does being a mum get easier?

I wanted to be a mum more than anything and was so happy to discover I would be one (even though it was unplanned, and a scary prospect as father is not in this country). Pregnancy was amazing! I felt confident about the future and have been and still am so supported by all my incredible friends.

My baby girl is just 4 weeks old and so I know I'm being a bit hasty here - but oh my god, I'm finding it hard. A lot of the time I think she's very sweet, but more of the time I'm finding it overwhelming and stressful! I naively just didn't realise what an adjustment it would be. I don't feel like I can get anything done because she wants to be fed ALL THE TIME (I'm breastfeeding and I guess she likes little and often), or she won't let me put her down. I know she's soooo little and she needs needs me more than ever but I sometimes feel at the end of my tether, which is a horrible feeling! I think she's having a growth spurt and / or a developmental stage where she is very clingy but even knowing this doesn't make it easier - when like today she is latching on and off every 30 mins and screaming if I pop her down to go to the loo!

Rather than seeking advice about feeding and attachment etc, I'm really just wondering when things will feel a bit easier? I.e when have you found your baby to develop a bit of a feeding pattern for themselves. It's probably worth saying now, I don't believe in leaving her to cry at this stage or trying to impose a routine for her when she is so little.

I do see friends often as they come to visit, but obviously I'm by myself most of the time. I guess not having a partner here in the evening makes a difference as that would break up the day a bit. But how can I feel less frustrated with my sweet little baby - who needs me so much to be more relaxed and patient. I want to feel more bonded with her and can't believe I don't feel happier :(

[Motherofpearl19]

@Dscarl07 it is all about powering through isn't it!

I'm not actually a young mum...fairly old in the scheme of things...but I'm not sure my extra years have made it any easier

[Dscarl07]

It’s like a whirlwind at first. When I first had DD (I’m a young mum too) the only way I can explain it is feeling numb to everything, you forget who you once was and everything seems oblivious. I’m glad you’re feeling better, it’s so worth while in the end! It’s powering through those first few weeks. Enjoy your little one and they’re not little for long! X

[Motherofpearl19]

@Dscarl07 @HappyHedgehog247 @flaofno @DailyMaiIisMyBogRoll @SpectacularAardvark @OnTopOfSpaghetti @RLOU88 @pastabest @PandaPieForTea @Wittow @Ohyesiam @DamsonPie @babyblue32 @BertieBotts @shockedandsurprised @TaraCave @TwinkleMerrick @Lisaloolops @Dietcokeobsession @LivLemler @PipeTheFuckDown @RubyBoots7 @user1494270143

I just wanted to say, thanks soooooo much for all of your understanding and encouraging words on here, a month or so ago when I was struggling (and when I began this thread). I really did find your support invaluable. It's one thing having lots of great friends, but it's another being able to reach out on a forum like this, to other Mum's (some also new / new'ish), to find that it's normal to be feeling all those difficult feelings that come with having a newborn for the first time.

My little bubba is almost 3 month now, and although it's still a challenge every day, as you all said, it DOES get easier. My baby actually cries more now than before! But I feel so much more able to deal with it...less anxious. I learned that for me, the anxiety and fear I had was manifesting in what felt like inpatience and & anger. Not comfortable feelings when you are responsible for a tiny baby!

So yes, thanks again, and it's good to know there are some very kind people on here. (Unfortunately I've noticed some quite harsh, judge'y members on some other people's posts, which is a shame, but I digress...)

[babyblue32]

@Motherofpearl19
Glad you're doing ok.

I'm getting there slowly, still finding it hard he's wanting breast every hour, and I can't keep up... so topping him up with formula now. My problem now is he wakes himself in a state gasping for breath 😐😐 so that has me on edge. 111 advised to keep and eye and it's not unusual but it's happening more and more. Only once I twice in the day.... and it's instant he jolts awake.
So drs Monday I think

I read what you said too
Taracave
I agree with you about being at beck and call for someone else the routine change is mad tonadjust to x

[TaraCave]

Omg how different you sound in this updated post!!! Glad you're getting there. Go easy on yourself

[Motherofpearl19]

@TaraCave thanks for checking - I think things are in fact feeling a bit easier, although there has been the odd day where I feel like I've taken a few steps back again!

Pearl is 6 weeks old today! And yes, I feel a little less daunted and overwhelmed, and I feel the bond is stronger. Although I certainly experienced moments of all consuming love for her, from the beginning..at this stage the love is feeling more consistent :)

As I've said in previous posts, it's just such a huge adjustment and I still don't think I've come to terms with that! Needing to be 'switched on' 24 / 7, and at another's beck & call - not being able to do the things I want to do, when I want to do them! (I know, I know, what did I expect!)

I am getting used to this though, and most of the time, I'm happy to tend I my baby's every need ;)

@babyblue32 breastfeeding is soooo hard isn't it! I actually hired a lactation consultant for an hour to come and help! Best decision I ever made! Do you have any breast feeding clinics near you? Apparently it depends on your area, but if you can I would really recommend them. How are you getting along with it now?

[katzeons]

My daughter wouldn't let me put her down! Everytime I did she screamed and screamed and I kept picking her up! I did the washing, ate food and cleaned with her in my arms but it's easier once they're a bit more mobile and are interested in toys!

[katzeons]

It gets a lot easier!! I felt exactly the same! Was on my own and felt quite low! Especially when it's all new! No one can prepare you for it! Now my daughter is 9 months old and it's so much easier! Keep your chin up!

[babyblue32]

I'm doing this too!! My LO is 16 days old, I struggled with feeding to start and still am. Im combine feeding but trying to cut down with formula and he's attached to be every 30/40 mins for 10-15s a time :( it's exhausting

Everyone says it gets easier.... I hope it does too lol..

I didn't pick him up when he cried all the time, I used to wait and see if he would settle himself.
Now he's constantly searching for food 😐

[TaraCave]

Well OP hows thing's now?

[Motherofpearl19]

Ooops I meant that about leaving the house with regards to you @user1494270143

and wanted to ask you @PipeTheFuckDown how you PND is now?

[Motherofpearl19]

Digestive / windy / refluxy issues make things that much harder I'm sure. I am gathering that quite a few babies have one or more of these? If not then - lucky? I have noticed that I feel lower when she cries and I worry that I can't help her, and I'm guessing...if some mums have chronic ongoing PND, that this could be a big contributing factor (not always of course).

Oh my goodness I've been out of the house so much more than I imagined @PipeTheFuckDown, maybe because it's summer and staying in gives me massive cabin fever!

[TaraCave]

No you're not being silly at all. I think you've been very wise and sensible. You've come on here asking for advice etc and you've been very genuine and receptive

Oh and just because millions of women do it doesn't make it a walk in the park! Just means we're all glutens for punishment

[user1494270143]

I felt exactly the same too, I was confused as to why I wasn’t so extactic about having my newborn, it’s not that I didn’t love him it’s just the overwhelming emotions and responsibility when you’re a new mum. I felt more myself after about 6 weeks, I.e I actually felt like I wanted to leave the house. Before that I would avoid going out and I don’t even know why. Every mother’s joruney is different but we can all relate in one way or another. It is lonely but it will pass. Time absolutely flies but you domt realise until you look back. Hugs to you. Xxx If you can get some support from family to watch your baby whilst you go out for an hour etc you may feel the wold of good. Xxx

[flaofno]

Ah pipe you bring back memories of a similar time for me! It is fucking hard isn't it having a tiny baby with no help whatsoever. It's not necessarily one day as a snapshot is bad, I think it's also to do with each day building on the next and the next and never getting a break makes it that much more difficult. The relentless nature of it.

YY to getting all the help you can in whatever form it may be... also to getting out the house if at all possible at least once a day for a short while. Somehow resets the brain a bit to feel better and so on.

[PipeTheFuckDown]

Single parent here too.

DDs were seven and five when I had my now toddler. The elder two have a different Dad to my toddler. Husband walked out when I was pregnant and haven’t seen him since

I knew how hard a newborn was going to be. Having done it twice before. But I’d had a very involved partner those times. The sheer relentless nature of it overwhelmed me. She also had colic milk allergy and reflux so she’d vomit most of her feeds back up. She didn’t sleep for more than hour or two at best until she was almost one. From one to two she still woke every three to four hours. My others slept through for eight hours from about five months.

Definitely does get easier. I had severe post natal depression which was not helped by zero sleep and anxiety which was due to her having sepsis when she was born.

I had zero help from anyone. Take every offer you can

[Dietcokeobsession]

The turning point for me was the 3 month stage then at 6 months then at yeR. Each stage progressively easier, hang in there and accept help from everyone who offers!

[Motherofpearl19]

Thanks @TaraCave thats really sweet and encouraging. Everyone has been so kind - even though millions of women have done it, and will continue to do so! I am being a bit silly really...just quite anxious I guess

[Motherofpearl19]

@user1494270143 good to hear it from other single mums! I'm trying to enjoy even the hard days as I'll never get them back!

[TaraCave]

Ah dear love ya! Believe me we've all been there and yes it does get easier. You just do what feels natural and go easy on yourself. Big hug to you xx

[user1494270143]

I’m a single mum too and I can deffo agree on it getting better. Really struggled to begin with, everything is relentless with a newborn and such an effort to even get out the house. Plus having the responsibility of doing it on your own seems worse! But it does, once they start laughing, becoming more independent and will happily sit and play with toys whilst you rush about takes the edge. You will get there and you will have the best bond and memories with your little one. You will miss the chaos xxx

[Lisaloolops]

We ended up with ranitidine too, and a couple of others! Omeprazole and domperidone I think! 13 yr old still on ranitidine now! I found laying them on their left side on a feeding cushion to sleep helped too but I know that's controversial x hope you get some respite soon op and don't forget, you are doing great 😘😘😘😘

[LivLemler]

Hopefully you're on the right track anyway.

I found it impossible to get gaviscon into breastfed DD. You might have more luck, but I think it's easier when it can go in a bottle. We ended up with ranitidine which was much easier - just 0.5ml.

[Motherofpearl19]

@LivLemler the doc didn't check anything, just agreed with me when I told her the symptoms and said it thought it may be silent reflux - she prescribed gaviscon. The same doctor also agreed with me when I suggested she may have colic the week before.

I guess it's hard to tell when they are so little. But something is up with her digestion that's for sure

[HappyHedgehog247]

Hope the docs went well. I was coming back to suggest a sling so you can get out. Homestart are great from what I know. They will do things like hold baby so you can go and have a decent shower etc. x