Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

In a relationship feeling alone

2 replies

Horsy95 · 15/07/2018 00:55

I am a mum-to-be, already a step-mum to my partners 9 year old and have given that role for the past 2.5 years 110% effort i.e paid for clothing, paid for weeks away when my partner couldn't, taken more leave than my partner to look after her alone. We only see my step-daughter 3 times a year due to her living away and my partner is always ecstatic to see her, she is the light of his life and when she is down you can see he idolises her and prioritises her needs. I am currently 17 weeks pregnant and feeling very alone. We both work full-time when my step-daughter isn't down and then my partner will also work extra weekend nights as a DJ. This year he is basically fully booked most weekends and I work shifts so sometimes there is limited time together. I remember him saying how if he had a little one he wouldn't have time for usual hobbies such as football also. He has now joined a team which initially was a game only once a month, then I was told it would be every other Sunday and now he requires to train on Thursday's so is now absent Mon-fri then Thurs, Fri, Sat evenings and a Sunday football game. I can't see him just going for 5 months then quitting when the newborn is here. In addition to this every maternity appointment I've had he has arrived at the very last minute as my name is being called, which has upset me as I get anxious due to having a miscarriage previously, or if it's a routine visit he won't come at all which I kind of understand as they're not as fun as the scan! Any issues I've had my mum has taken me to the hospital while he has been at work and my due date is also around Christmas when Dj's are very busy and I appear to be the worst person in the world asking for him to not book gigs 1 week before the due date but other persons I've spoken to advised his diary should be kept clear a lot sooner in advance and I also feel the same given that he can't exactly just leave a wedding immediately to come to the hospital. I just feel that surely you wouldn't want to work that close and risk missing out and be a bit more excited in general? Its very frustrating as I don't nag, I try very hard to keep money, all our finances afloat, step-daughters welfare happy, home looking lovely and it just doesn't seem to be recognised or accredited especially at a time when I need it most. I have worked so hard to prove I am a respectable person to have a child with as my partner was very cautious for a while about taking this step and now I just feel I am taking this step alone. Any advice would be lovely x

OP posts:
Motherofpearl19 · 18/07/2018 20:37

I'm so sorry to hear about your disappointment and feeling neglected - I can see why. You said you 'don't nag', and I'm wondering if this means you worry so much about how you may come across that you tend to keep things in altogether? It may be that your partner isn't very responsive if you do try to express yourself?

Kingsclerelass · 18/07/2018 20:50

Playing devil’s advocate for a moment, at least your dp has arrived for your appointments, albeit at the last moment. And he’s working all hours, presumably to earn money for your family.
As for taking a week off before the baby is due, some people have a first baby up to 2 weeks late. That could mean he’s sitting around doing nothing for three weeks - which won’t help if he’s nervous.
Have you tried explaining how you feel and trying to find a compromise. Bear in mind he may be nervous and would rather keep busy.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.