This is a long one.
My situation has gone on for quite some time and I have tried to manage it the best I can but I am at a loss.
A bit of background.
I was with my ex partner for 11 years.
We got together aged 19 (me), 20(him)
When we got together he was a single dad to DD1.
I was a single mother to DS1.
Neither of the others parents have had any involvement with our children for over 10 years.
When DD1 & DS1 were three years old i took on care of ex partners younger sister, she was 12. (private fostering arrangement)
Ex partner had a good job, we had a daughter together DD2.
Ex partner was always a pain in the ass in terms of us as a couple. We were 22 with a newborn, a teenager and two toddlers.
He was a brilliant dad, and hard worker, but liked to disappear or days on end, gamble, drugs, fighting. I hid it from the kids, cracked on and hoped he'd grow up and settle down.
2 years ago he was still the same. Secretive with money. I found him (well friends of mine did - much to my embarrassment) on dating sites, pictures of his you know what etc. He was still gambling. Never happy at home.
We split.
Despite DD1 although not my biological child she remained in the family home with me, her brother and sister. Things were okay.
Ex partner found new place, seen kids lots and we were trying to work through issues. I told him what I needed to change, as did he, he said he was sorry etc.
Same old behaviours started. So September 2017 I said that was it. I couldn't do it anymore.
He still had our children at weekends, paid £100 a week maintenance for our three children and it was 'okay'.
Christmas came and he became difficult, wasn't paying maintenence, wasn't turning up on time to get our children, twice because he was in police custody. Using drugs and alcohol regularly. When I tried talking about concerns days of abusive messages and calls.
The last time he was arrested I stopped contact. Kids were packed and ready to leave on a Saturday midday. I had work. He didn't show. Phone off. Called at 7pm and said he'd got in a fight.
This was April. I requested mediation to work out terms as we can not agree, we do not get on and I was unhappy with what was going on.
He slagged me off on social media. Told me he had a solictor and took DD1 to live with him. I have no legal rights. She is 12 and as he is spoiling her wants to stay there :(
I have heard nothing from his solictor. Or mediation.
He sends me messages saying he doesbt understand why I stopped contact, I explain, get abuse, we go in circles.
I don't want my kids to not see their dad. I just can't carry on with the lack of routine, and the fact that a once brilliant dad is so all over the place.
As you will see from the time this is causing me sleepless nights. DD2 is in my bed. She misses her sister so much, as do I :(
ANY advice appreciated