I will ask again for *positive* examples of a 50:50 care arrangement

[limon]

I have hidden mother thread because it seems some people want a debate. If it's a debate you want then I respectfully ask you to start your own thread

I am asking about positive family experiences of 50:50 care.

We are sure 50:50 Is in her best interest and this is backed up by research which our mediator has provided, showing that children are best served by two parents who co-parent well and where everyone is clear about what's happening rather than acrimonious.

So please no debate on whether it's best or not, but positive examples welcomed please.

Thanks in advance.

There have been some positive posts now, OP, but I will c&p mine:

I know of a few kids in this situation and they are perfectly happy, well adjusted, and consider both houses their home. They have everything and everyone they need at both homes, they can continue with any clubs they do from both homes, both parents know all their friends and what’s going on with the kids day to day. I really don’t see how one night per week, EOW and half holidays is better than that.

It can and does work perfectly well when done properly and without bitterness, etc.

Good luck!

My brother has this arrangement with his ex. Kids are happy and adjusted quickly to their parents separation. He lives very close to where his ex lives so it hasn't had an impact on the kids social lives or anything.

You won't be getting a balanced view if you only want positive examples, though. Do you just want people to tell you what you want to hear? What if, in reality, more people find it doesn't work? This thread would just give you a false sense of security. I won't tell you of my experience because it won't match your very narrow requirements.

Sorry no personal experience, but I’ve heard this is the default arrangement in Sweden after parents divorce. Sweden seems a progressive society in many ways and puts child welfare as the highest priority in many ways, so I’m sure there must be plenty of evidence from there that it works well.

Thanks so much for the positive answers. I really appreciate it.

We currently have 60/40 and have done for 5 years as I’ve been a SAHM. And lived about ten miles away. It’s worked extremely well. DC love it. Ex and I get on very well too.

However I’ve got into University this September and so ex is moving to flexi time in his job and it will be 50/50 and I’m moving to Exs town to enable this.

There’s been zero downsides for any of us.

pipethefuckdown (love your name) thank you! Ex will be living very locally - I am hoping same village or within avout 4 mile radius, and I feel very confident we can be friends.

I will be reducing my hours slightly so that I can do school runs 2-3 days a week.

He will be looking for more hours (he's part time at the moment) but both want to support each other when needed around child care and work.

My job sometimes takes me away overnight and he works some weekends so it will be workable between us.

You’ll be glad of the time to yourself if nothing else! I also have a toddler who’s Dad isn’t around and solo parenting her has been a challenge to say the least when I’m used to my other ex being so hands on

The arrangement has allowed DDs to maintain strong bond with their Dad, me some freedom, and both of us to communicate well and be able to co parent effectively. We seem to be a strange anomaly though Forever getting comments on how bizarre we are.

pipethefuckdown My stbxh patents split up over 30 years ago - both remarried. Co-parented brilliantly, have spoken every week, stayed at each other's houses and almost always spend Xmas together with the extended family. Syn ex mil had an affair which was what ended the marriage but they were able to move past that.

Stb ex sils first husband also joins us all for xmas.

I think it is brilliant if it can be done.

Hello, no personal experience but I have a friend that have that arrangement and it seems to work. I feel there has been a whole culture shift around care of separated parents and is much more family focused (which is a good thing). I guess the resistance is that it is an emerging arrangement and for some hard to get their heads around at first. Once you're into the swing of it & establish your lives during non-parent time, it will be less daunting. I strongly believe that children need access to both parents & if both want to be around then this should be made to happen. If you can co-parent successively apart - go for it!

My aunt has a 50/50 arrangement for my cousin. Monday-Tuesday are always dad's days. Wed-Thurs are always mums. Then each have an alternate weekend Fri-Sun. It means that one week you might only have child 2 days, then the next 5. It works well for them.