Ex decided to walk away from my son

[mpeters82]

Hi,

It's been awhile since contact totally stopped with my son and his dad.
I feel terrible for my son.

I do feel maybe it's my fault but this guy will tell you in the morning coming to see so so for 4hrs expect you to be free and available for. One day a month he saw him but each time there was an issue. My son said he wanted me and him back together. I honestly don't miss the arguments.

Feeling like this whole single mother thing hard enough but when your totally alone makes you feel down. I do feel angry and bitter.

I tried to talk to his gf to help understand she was just not getting it either. How can a woman let her guy walk away from his child. Foget about hating the mother. Arrangments could of been made so I don't see him. Just my ex was slowly pulling himself out.

I know this is harsh to say but hope what he done to my son slaps him in the face hard. Hope everything goes bad for what he done to my son. Hope that he never has another child and if he does hope that child destroyed his life. I just hope karma comes to him soon.

Despite this my son is happy but I think my ex thinks he got off lightly. He turned into such a wasteman.

He blocked me and just walked. Some stuff happened to him which was bad and at the time I was gutted for him and gf. But now my anger saying he got what he deserved. Bad thing to say but god punished him by not letting him produce another child. I just know I wished my ex happiness but now I wish he rots in hell. Goes through it each day. I will have the pleasure watching son grow up and being a great young man.
I just feel upset today walking another day I do this alone. Another day I face watching my son recieve an ward at his school. No father there.
One day I want to go where he lives but I won't. Leave it all up to my son because he approaching teen years he 11 now. I hope he destroys my ex life. Honestly makes it hell if he visits him.
I was way too nice to him. He took the and not saying I was an angel but I put up with a lot.
I feel I always struggle any mistake I have done come back slaps me in the face. But I hope my ex get hit hard by his action. Let karma do the work now. Let him suffer.
I'm not wanting to be horrible but a man walks away from his child and then wants to create with another child. I just hope he suffers.
Bad having to take my son out an unhappy home putting myself through moving around until I got thid permanent place. Having to hear my son talk about his father.
I hope this man gets what is coming to him. Splits with the gf and rots.
I just know being to nice and trying to fight for my son made me look a bad person. Why do men do this? He lucky my health is good and if anything happened to me tommorow. Lord only knows the trouble he will face when my son gets dropped at his door step. If that EVER happebs hope my son destroys his little happy family.
Just so angry feeling alone as my son leaving primary school to go secondary school. Emotional he not seeing his son grow up.
Sorry for the rant and unkind things I don't mean half of it but hope karma destroy him.

Of course i feel for your child.

But.....

This bitterness isn’t good for you. Bitterness is a poison you take hoping the other person will die. You need to find a way to cope with this as it isn’t good for you and your child will pick up on this. Saying you hope your son destroys your ex life is really unhealthy. How’s that good for the child?

Can you get done help?

I do not wish him dead as I will have to deal with my son's grief. I just hope problems he faces he suffers.

Just feeling down today. As I know I am doing a good job myself. My son aleady mentions his dad this morning. Why?
He dad don't care.

@mpeters82 I really feel for you and can sense your utter pain in the words you have written. I can totally empathise because my ex of eight years walked away when I was pregnant - although he made promises and came back and left many times, he's never paid a penny for DD and has never had any contact with her. She's nearly 21 and he's in the US on a massive salary with a wife and two children.

BUT there are such positives, which you won't be able to see (I wouldn't have done either) but DD is so secure, balanced, happy - there's never a question about where she'll spend Christmas or holidays. We have a fantastic relationship. She's never witnessed any rows, had divided loyalties, all our holidays have just been the two of us. Now that she's at university, I have some freedom back and am getting married in two weeks.

I also know that nobody else has had a hand in her upbringing. I've been able to bring her up as I want to. She's bright, sociable, popular and sensitive to others' feelings.

I honestly don't give her father a second thought. Neither does she - she never knew him and it's absolutely his loss, as it is your DS's father's. Trust me, you will get there. I remember things like sports day when all other parents were in couples ..... I thought sweat it out and took my sister along. Prizegiving too ... then secondary school became easier.

Good luck. You sound like a great mother.

Thanks

Just feeling down today and last thing he said was have fun.
He said that knew what he meant. I know he will get what he deserves one day.

I suppose I have to carry on struggling seeking help when needed and do my best for my son.

I suppose my son coming from weekends and be awful to me. I don't know and the arguments and stress.

My son has ADHD and it's hard at times

I meant I don't miss any of that stress. Having arguments. Could not get my ex on his own he always brought her. But he never got anything.
Last time was bad the visit he spent most of the time while with my son texting me moaning. I made him keep him extra two hours no consideration I might have things to do. Thinks I can be available to him all the time.
I am normally happy but today feel down.

It sounds really horrible and if, as you say, contact has stopped completely then this will be a lot of anguish taken away even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment. You and DS can have a simpler life without all the stress.

I was working overseas for the first six years of DD's life so didn't have any family support but once I came back to the UK, I found DM's help a great bonus. Do you have family around you? Do you work and/or have friends in similar situations? I have to say that I didn't know ANY single parents back in the UK! I wish this board had been around then.

You and DS will establish your own routine and if DS's father really does decide to extricate himself from DS's life, you'll quite likely come to see it as a positive thing. He doesn't sound reliable, and stability/security is so important.

It's very common. My dad's father disappeared when D's was 18 months old and we never saw or heard from him again. No birthday cards or presents. Nothing at Christmas. He just didn't care enough to bother. DS never mentioned him, but now he's married with children of his own, and he's an excellent dad. His own father died alone. What goes around, comes around

My son's father (not dad's)

I never thought hid dad would do what his own father did. My son did say he never wanted to stay over.
Bu even if all this is true my son rejected he could text or call say how is he keep tryimg build their relationship.

Each day now my son mentions his dad.

I am similar Lp not seen dad since he was 3 going up to high school September and has ADHD.

The difference is I actually don’t give his dad much thought. I am far too busy to waste my head space on him . I collect maintenance through the cms so I know he is alive .

You will be much happier once you let it go

I am normally happy just this past week. I normally don't think of him.