Evenings are hard

[freedomfighter]

Hello, I've a 4 month old baby. I'm okay during the days but find the evenings unbearably hard and weekends being on my own. I haven't anyone who could come over in the evenings really to keep me company because all my mates without children are busy doing their thing (as I used to be!). I meet other mums during the day but they all meet up with other mums and their partners and I seem to be sidelined because I'm on my own and don't have a partner to do the couples thing at evenings and weekends. does anyone else have experience of this and.or any support?

I'm not surprised you find evenings and weekends hard, especially after a full on day with your little one. I'm not a lone parent but my hubby does shift work so I spend some evenings on my own and hate it so to be on your own most of the time must be really hard. Even though I'm in a couple I would relish the chance of a girls night out (or in if you have no babysitter) without my hubby, as I used to do before DS was born. Why not suggest a girls night at yours to some of the mums and see what they think, could even arrange one of those shopping type parties (bodyshop, ann summers etc!!) or just video, ice cream, chocolate etc.

Do you know any other single mums? How about putting a post on netmums website, I did that when DS was first born and I realised I didn't really know anyone local and a few mums have been in contact with me that way and we are planning on meeting up

Hope that helps

Hi. I'm so sorry you are feeling down. I haven't got any great advice to give you, just wanted to let you know you aren't alone. My husband does shifts 6pm till midnight and when my baby was about 3 months old she had colic and I also dreaded the evenings. Sometimes you just want to run away ! Hopefully your baby is going to sleep ok, bedtimes can be hard. There must be another single mum living near you, you just have to find a way to link up. Keep going to mum's groups, keep talking to people, don't be ashamed of the way you feel and hopefully someone will offer to help you. Tell your mates without kids you need some company. One evening a month isn't going to kill them ! I had people offer to help me and I really did take them up on their offers even though I didn't want to sometimes. Just keep talking, someone will hear you and lend a hand. Well done on getting this far by yourself. Take care.

Hi Freedomfighter
Sorry to read your message that you are feeling a bit lonesome. I am sure it won't always be this way and your baby is very young.
Thalia is right, why don't you invite your mates round for a pizza and wine evening? You don't always need to go out to have fun. Tell them you need some adult company and that you miss them - flattery always works!
Also, have you thought about doing a home study course whilst you are a bit housebound? Ever fancied having a bash at some Italian or Spanish? Or something useful like say Accounting (prob an excellent thing for single mums to do in order to take care of the pennies!). And lastly, I don't know where you live but what about finding out about an exercise class where you take your baby along? You could make some new friends AND get exercise which'll be good for boosting your happy levels. And happy people attract other people.
I'm gonna be a single mum late this year and none of my mates have kids but i will be badgering them to come round on a Friday night at least once a month. Plus the'll get to cuddle a baby!
Obviously i have no idea yet what it's going to be like being on my own tho, so forgive me if i sound at all patronising x.

i too have the same problem. My kids are older though and i work part time. By the time kids are in their rooms (although not asleep) am absolutely knackered and am too tired to watch a film or learn a language. As for talking, i jut sound like a cabbage!
no cash at all and no sign of a babysitter anyway so things unlikely to change for a while

I am getting fatter and fatter because I can't keep my trotters out of the fridge in the evening. It's like I wait all day to eat in peace!

Got a 4 year old and a 1 year old.

i too am a single mum (only recently) and although i get on with my ex dh really well, i still live alone (with the kids) and also spend every evening alone. I do like it though!! do you not enjoy your own space at times?
i am lucky as ex dh takes the kids away every weekend fri-sun night so i do get to go out a lot and socialise,even though i am broke!
Do you have any family nearby who could babysit for you? or any friends who could?
i think you just need to try and get hold of your old mates to see if they could come and visit you, and also keep working at making new "mum" friends too.
Good luck.

hi, sorry i haven't any wonder tips as am in same boat! Just wanted to show your not 'alone' even if it does feel like it sometimes. for me the hardest thing is just not knowing other single mums to relate to, as life is just not the same for mums in couples- who clearly ime do not want to talk about lone parenting problems! hope you can get some company round yours or a babysitter you trust so you can go out soon

I feel exactly the same as you. And the same as AmazinWoman, my kids are a bit older and I work part time and when they have eventually settled for sleep it's too late for anyone to come round and anyway I'm cabbaged on the sofa yet I long to have a social life.....

My kids go to their dads on a friday night but rounding up my friends to go out with is proving tricky as they're all busy with their kids and husbands. One friend said she'd set up a Friday Night Club and she'd get a group of friends together once a month and we'd go out. So far it hasn't happened.... I suppose I should organise it myself but I don't really know enough people!!

I'm only 6 months separated and a few months ago I was beginning to really dread the weekends and evenings because it's so unbearably lonely. I seem to have passed that phase now, although I was very down yesterday knowing that it was me alone (with the kids) for the weekend and my husband announced that he won't be having the kids at all next weekend cos he'll be away with his girlfriend. So next weekend is going to be really difficult - not least because I'll have the kids 24/7 through the half term hols too.

Sorry to be so unhelpful, I just wanted to say I feel the same as you. I think you/we just have to take each evening/weekend as it comes and hopefully it'll get better in time.

I have only been on my own for 3 weeks & I'm finding the evenings really lonely too. Today I feel more low than normal, but I don't think this miserable weather helps my mood! I feel better for having my broadband back & being able to come on here though!

I'm on my on in the evenings as DH works nights and schedule phone conversations with my friends on different nights - it's not quite as good as a visit, but a half hour chat can still make you feel like you're in touch with the rest of the world. Also, you can often get good offers for cheap phone calls in the evenings/weekends!

Of course, now you have MN you will never speak to anyone ever again except on screen ...

Hope some of the ideas suggested help you out

Thanks... I have taken some positive steps, ~I've invited a friend round for saturday night and arranging a night, like old times !, with a friend for a quick pizza (after baby in bed and before last feed!)...I guess my anxieties about inviting people over has been that I think some people have got bored or fed up if my baby's cried and I've needed to resettle her or feed her etc so I think that sort of smashed my confidence at inviting friends with no children over. I do like my own company but every night is a bit of overkill! Last night I treated myself to a pizza in front of the apprentice and flicking over to big brother!!!

Debra1981 - I've read some other stuff you've put on mumsnet and I get impression you've had stuff going on with contact issues - do you have an email or anything to chat about this?

hi i have lived alone for 5 years with twins now 7
I found the first 6 months realy hard in the evening watched hundreds of films by myself. i did get realy depressed. However i started working partime and meeting people and getting a social life. It will get better