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Lone parents

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Original poster

Am I over reacting?

7 replies

Louw12345 · 08/07/2018 23:41

I have 5 children how have more or less brought up on my own. I have rules and iv been told I'm strict. However I do not think I am I think I have 5 kids and need to be on top the rules.

Anyhow my partner come over with his kids and knows one of the rules is no tablets or phones at the table at meal time.
I constently have to remind his daughter (also his son as he likes to take these items to the toilet with him)

Anyway my partner said treat all the kids the same etc so I do. But today he didn't. I was dishing tea out and he was taking it to the table to the kids. I took the last plate in and seen my daughter was watching the tablet. I explained that it shouldnt be on the table at meal times and asked my partner why he didn't ask her to move it.

I said I don't know why it stresses you out, why does it bother you so much that they are watching it while eating their tea etc.
I said that it's has been a rule from day dot and I don't think it should be on at meal time's etc. He told me I'm too strict and said that it shouldn't bother me.

Thing is I have to bring my kids up on my own, I'm not saying I don't like things slide from time to time but I try my hardest for my children to understand rules are rules etc. And most of the time it's natural for them to do so.

Am I being strict or over reacting about this. It's not just the first time where this has happened when he's not said about the tablet more so when it comes to my kids but he tells me I should making sure his kids understand no tablets at the table.

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AjasLipstick · 08/07/2018 23:59

He should not undermine your rule. It's a GOOD rule. If it were over the top then I'd be the first person to say "chill out" but it's not over the top at all.

You need to make sure he knows that he should not undermine you.

SilverLiningSomewhere · 09/07/2018 00:03

Yeah it's a no no to undermine you in front of the dc. I would have to have a word about that.

And the rule is a good one, it's basic table manners.

Don't second guess yourself being strict doesn't mean being horrible, it's having standards and teaching your children what is and isn't acceptable.

for you.

TrippingTheVelvet · 09/07/2018 00:18

That's a normal rule that helps keep families close and communicating. But even if it was totally batshit, he shouldn't be undermining you.

Original poster

Louw12345 · 09/07/2018 00:25

SilverLiningSomewhere. Iv started to see my kids play up when all the kids are together. Like back chat his children have to have the last word all the time. And my daughter did it all weekend. I know kids do it etc but this was just different it was like she didn't care and it really upset me to the point I went really mad at her. Then I felt bad coz I don't have to do that. Normally just say I would like you to think about what you are doing or saying etc.

But I guess it's to do with being undermined. she's seeing his children get away with stuff my kid's know I wont accept and pushing the boundaries with me I suppose.

I will have a chat with him about it and maybe all of us together do a house rule list. That way we all know what to expect in future

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Original poster

Louw12345 · 09/07/2018 00:31

He said something like he doesn't want to be telling the kids they can't do stuff all the time. Something like I don't want them to feel like they cant do things.

His son broke my daughter water bottle by throwing it. My partner said he will replace it. I asked him if he spoke with his son and he said no. So I explained that he will never learn if he isn't taught.
Anyway he spoke with his son (because I made him) then his son wouldn't look at him or even talk to me after. But to me damage to someone else's stuff i's wrong and shouldn't be happening at all.

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SilverLiningSomewhere · 09/07/2018 07:22

Hmm, I'm sorry to say it but it will never work long term if you two can't get on the same page about this. How old are all the dc?

For what it's worth I don't think you are being unreasonable or harsh, I think it's logical to explain to a child why what they have done is wrong. Sound like he wants to be their friend not their parent.

Good luck

SemiAquaticEggLayingMammal · 09/07/2018 19:12

I have recently split up with a dp I loved very much and this was one of the issues. His approach to parenting was just SO different to mine when we were both just doing what we thought was best for our own respective children. It couldn't ever work. Sorry this is so bothersome for you too OP.

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