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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Contact With Ex During

62 replies

TennyJenny · 07/07/2018 14:06

Hi,

My ex has our child every other weekend and going forward will start to have him longer periods of time over school holidays (up to 7 nights)

I'm concerned about the communication on his part because when he takes him for his weekends Fri-Sun every second week he does not contact me at all to let me know how he is doing in that time despite me messaging to see if everything is okay (just ignores it)

He's suggested that when he has him for a week he'll encourage child to keep in contact with me but that he himself won't be in contact with me unless there's an emergency (essentially assume everything is okay unless told otherwise type thing) Is this reasonable or unreasonable? He's saying 1 phone call from child for every 3 days he's away (so 2 over a week) and if and when child requests he'll facilitate that.

But I just feel like he should be keeping in contact with me more directly while he's in his care. Am I within my rights to demand more contact from him (ex) if he has our child for extended time?

Child is 7.

TIA for any replies

OP posts:

Original poster

TennyJenny · 22/07/2018 03:34

Because child can't get downstairs easy especially when tired.

They won't tell me if it's stairs or ladders up to this "attic conversion" If they want to have child every second weekend they have to provide for child.

OP posts:

TennyJenny · 22/07/2018 03:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SarahH12 · 22/07/2018 03:42

but with them they don't buy biscuits.

Sorry but what the actual fuck? You think they don't provide because they don't buy biscuits??

Seriously stop trying to control everything in their house. It's really hard and I understand that but you can't start dictating everything. You don't have that right. You wouldn't like it if they started dictating what happens in your house and likewise you do not have the right to do the same to them. He is their parent and has equal rights and you have to learn to accept that.

And tbh as a kid I'd have loved the attic room.

SarahH12 · 22/07/2018 03:44

Ps we don't buy biscuits either. Poor DSD, she must be so undernourished by having three healthy, balanced meals and very few unhealthy snacks here

Original poster

TennyJenny · 22/07/2018 03:45

@SarahH12 I need to know my child is fed!

I've provided a list of things they need to have in the house if they're serious about contact going forward

OP posts:

SarahH12 · 22/07/2018 03:47

I've provided a list of things they need to have in the house if they're serious about contact going forward

@TennyJenny - seriously, STOP. You. Do. Not. Have. The. Right. To. Control. What. Happens. In. Their. Household!!

Perfectly1mperfect · 22/07/2018 03:47

I can understand how you feel, especially if you don't feel that he's been the best dad at times. I think I would feel how you do in your position. I wouldn't want to not have my children 100% of the time and my children's father is a really good dad and would want and deserve to be with them as much as I would.

You could try to speak to your sons dad, tell him that you miss your child and would just appreciate the odd text to tell you what your son is up to. Obviously this depends on how your relationship with your sons father is. If he's not willing to do it, then I suppose you will just have to hope that your son starts to ask to contact you more when he is with his dad. As he gets older, he can have his own phone and you will be able to call/text him.

Maybe try to do something nice for yourself with the time you have without you son. Try to enjoy the time to yourself knowing that if there is a problem your ex will contact you.

Original poster

TennyJenny · 22/07/2018 03:50

Children need calories plus their meals! Child has seen a doctor recently because of acidity In stomach! They think fruit
Is snack but that's upsetting for stomach

OP posts:

Perfectly1mperfect · 22/07/2018 03:52

Just seen your last few posts. Sorry but you can't tell them that they have to buy biscuits or provide them with a list.

If you have serious concerns that they are not looking after him properly then contact the correct people but if not you really have to let your ex do the parenting whilst your son is there and try to relax.

Original poster

TennyJenny · 22/07/2018 03:59

I was just reminding him that Jaffa cakes and penguin rolls, Maryland cookies etc are things they should have in their house for snacks.

OP posts:

SarahH12 · 22/07/2018 04:05

I was just reminding him that Jaffa cakes and penguin rolls, Maryland cookies etc are things they should have in their house for snacks.

Umm no they really don't have to have those things nor should they have those things. I'm out. You sound utterly controlling and unable to see anyone else's point of view.

SarahH12 · 22/07/2018 04:06

Sorry I meant nor should they have to have those things. Of course it's fine if they do but they shouldn't have to have them.

ThemApples · 22/07/2018 04:13

Op, you sound like a control obsessed , double standards , hypocritical, childish, crank , just like my ex.

Original poster

TennyJenny · 22/07/2018 04:15

Sorry for making sure my child is looked after 🙄

OP posts:

Doyoumind · 22/07/2018 04:16

WTAF?

You really should speak to a solicitor who might be able to convince you of where you stand legally which is that you don't get to tell them what your DC eats, what your DC does when with them, where your DC sleeps. Your ex could easily get more contact than he has. You could get in trouble for parental alienation. You cannot withhold contact based on any concerns you have unless they are genuine and serious safeguarding issues.

If you want contact with your DC then arrange a time to call during the week they are away but you can't chase your ex for updates continually. Again, a solicitor will be able to advise you of this.

We don't have any of those biscuits as everyday snacks. Sweet things like that are treats in our house.

Panther90210 · 22/07/2018 04:23

Sounds like you still have resentment towards the ex and are using your child as an emotional pawn. STOP IT!

SarahH12 · 22/07/2018 04:23

We don't have any of those biscuits as everyday snacks. Sweet things like that are treats in our house.

@Doyoumind ^^ exactly!! They're not every day foods are they?

Honestly I thought I was going mad and the only one who felt OP was being controlling and completely unreasonable. Glad more people have come along and agree with my pov.

SofiaAmes · 22/07/2018 04:29

This is a reverse. Or perhaps just a windup.

dontdoubtyourself · 22/07/2018 04:31

Reverse?

Original poster

TennyJenny · 22/07/2018 04:38

If it was reversed I'd buy what he was saying because he would know better?

OP posts:

Doyoumind · 22/07/2018 04:39

It started off quite 'normally' a couple of weeks ago. It's only in this early hours of this morning it's taken a more bizarre turn.

SarahH12 · 22/07/2018 04:47

@dontdoubtyourself - a reverse is where an OP posts an utterly bizarre story but it turns out it's the other way around. Aka in this case she's possibly the stepmum and feels her partners ex is acting batshit

LunaMay · 22/07/2018 04:49

Wow, you do realise they're not step siblings right? I feel for your son, you aren't going to make this easy for him are you??

Lonecatwithkitten · 22/07/2018 07:40

Please never, ever tell your child they are your other half this is a tremendous responsibility to put on to a child and is a statement that is more appropriate to describe a partner than a child.
No child should feel that they are responsible for their parents happiness.

MyOtherProfile · 22/07/2018 07:54

@TennyJenny firstly you need to get some help. You need some counselling. It is not good for your child for you to see him as your other half because he isn't and he will grow in independence over the coming years which you must not hinder.

Secondly no child needs biscuits. You're piling him up with sugar which is empty calories. Read the stuff on the yellow leaflets that come up all the time about chikdrens health. There are 0lenty of healthier alternatives to snacks for children. I don't give mine biscuits. Fruit is not the only alternative.

Thirdly as people have said, you have to remember that even if you are the present parent as you call it, he is still dad. It's none of your business that he m9ved in with someone else and had other children. In fact that is pretty normal in this kind of situation and using words like he shacked up with her are hugely judgey.

Fourthly it sounds like it's good for your child to have these half siblings rather than being an only under your intense special care. You may feel you are meeting all his needs and treating him as he deserves but I'm sure you will come to see this isn't quite right.

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