Ex slating me on social media & mentioning court. Is it wrong?

[JoJo2106]

Need some advice please.

Me and ex partner currently going through court. He has no contact at the moment with our 10 month old baby due to a domestic violence incident at my home while he was holding ds (age 7 months at the time)

We had our first court hearing last week and the court has said no contact at present due to domestic violence incidents I have told the court about. The thing is is my ex is posting stuff about court and dates etc on Facebook and discussing this on his post with people. He is also slating me saying I have a screw loose etc and indirectly calling me a deadbeat mother on a picture quote he had posted. He is fishing for sympathy off everyone and he is getting it. But what people don't know Is what has really happened and the reason why he isn't seeing ds at present. They think (and he is making them think) that I have just stopped him seeing ds for no good reason.

Is there anything I should be doing about this or telling anyone? Should he really be discussing family court proceedings on a public platform like that and also is there anything I can do about the things he is saying about me on there? I still feel abused by him by him doing this and I am not even in contact with him yet he is still making me feel harassed. Am assuming the court won't look favourably on this? I have it all saved to my phone incase it gets removed.

Any suggestions of if I should notify anybody or should I just let him keep posting and use it against him at next court hearing?

Hi @JoJo2106. I have no doubt that it is distressing to see what he is saying on social media. But I am afraid there is little that you can or should do about it.

When my ex wife and I separated, she spent a lot of time running around the small town where we live spreading all sorts of lies about me. It was a defence mechanism. The truth is that we split because of her violence towards me, and a long pattern of aggressive, controlling, and jealous behaviour. She had some challenging mental health problems. When we split, all that fake narrative that she'd created in her head got spread around town. None of it was true, but there were some people who believed her. And I lost a few friends.

But throughout it all, I held my tongue. The only people who suffer when parents start publicly trashing each other are the kids. So I kept quiet. Only a few trusted friends were told the truth (because we all need someone to talk to). As for the rest, if someone explicitly raised one of the rumours with me, I would tell them it wasn't true.

I relied upon people who truly know me seeing through the lies for what they were. And the majority of people did exactly that. As for the rest - I figure those people probably weren't a great loss.

I found that the best thing I could do was focus on providing my daughters with the consistent, stable presence that they needed; and on being the best dad I knew how to be. And that's what I've done for the past two and a half years. And all those people she was talking to heard what she was saying, and they also saw the reality. They saw me day in and day out being a great Dad (I know it's not modest - but I AM a great Dad 😁) and a decent human being. They saw me stay single, while I concentrated on my girls and on my own healing from the abuse. And they saw her behaviour - the rages, the rush to move a new bloke in with her as soon as she moved out of the FMH. And they drew their own conclusions.

Block your ex on social media. If people start telling you what he's doing on there, politely tell them you don't need to know. From this point, the only interest you need to take in him is in ensuring that your kids are okay. Be your best you, and live your best life. Focus on what matters. The rest has a way of sorting itself out.

Two and a half years down the line, my life is amazing. The girls and I are happy. Nobody cares about the nonsense my ex was spouting back then. It gets better. Good luck.

Block him , keep him blocked and if anybody attempts to tell you what he's been posting just tell them you're not interested.

You know what he is and he's simply showing you that he's not going to change.

Keep on being the good parent that you are , leave him to his trouble making antics and enjoy being free.

Can you screen shot messages and show your solicitor? Cases concerning dc shouldn't be being broadcast. Report his posts to fb

I would take screenshots of everything and speak to your solicitor about it.

Great post @SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad

Him discrediting you will go against him. Def mention it - he may have actually done you a favour in the end!!
My exh lost his case after judge deemed his hatred for me detrimental to my dc.

Thanks everyone I have the lot screen shotted so will definitely be making copies. I did think that family court matters were private, that's why they are held in private. So he's not doing himself any favours here. I'll gladly let him dig his own grave. I have him blocked on all forms of social media and contact but a friend sent me it as she did think it was worth knowing about. Which it is I think as I can tell my solicitor.

@Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname yes I have kinda thought the same thing. He's not doing himself any favours at all

Get your friend to send you anything else he posts relating to court proceedings or slandering you.

When I was getting divorced, my new dp was a professional sportsman & comments started appearing on his profile page on the World Professional site about the fact that he was in a relationship with a married woman, where we were both from & that I had left my husband for him. I took screenshots & printed them off & gave them to my solicitor, I had also been getting strange Facebook messages from someone I didn't know about my relationship, from the spelling mistakes I suspected it was my ex husband. My solicitor took our case back to court & my ex husband was threatened with prison if these messages & comments did not stop. We never had any more of these messages or comments after going to court. Show your solicitor all the screenshots you have & let them deal with them.

Yes these can be factored in. My ex was going through these proceedings when I met him and he constantly slagged his ex off all over social media ( I should have realised then he was a knob!) these got shown in court and the judge basically ripped him a new once and said he wouldn't even remotely consider that he was able to have visitation until he could prove that he could raise his maturity levels and focus solely on his children. I would be taking screen shots of everything being said but make sure go to engage in any back and forth and show them to your solicitor. Given the DV incident he is clearly focused on you and not your child

*Not To engage

It's part of DV. Do you have protection orders relating to the DV? If so these would be a breach and need to be reported to police and your solicitor.

Thank you everyone you've all helped a lot.

@Maldives1986 I haven't engaged at all in any back and forth I just screen shot what I see and stay silent. I don't even post anything on my own Facebook about anything. Some things just don't belong on Facebook, some people put every single detail of their lives on there it's unreal. Hope our judge sees it that way. No you are right he isn't focused on our child at all he is only focused on his own wants and needs.

@Dragonlight no there are no protection orders. But I am going to be asking for a non molestation order because I can't have any further incidents happening and also a non molestation order applies to harassment via social media and messages etc so all that needs to stop too. Hopefully they'll grant one.

I had the same with my ex partner; going through the court process and he would post confidential information regarding my mental health and child contact on his Facebook. The District Judge even asked him to stop, but he obviously considered himself above the law. I even told the police once but they couldn’t do anything as the posts weren’t threatening.

I would screen shot everything and tell the solicitor, block him and don’t retaliate - that’s what he wants. Don’t worry about the people who reads it - I was mortified at first as we have mutual friends but the ones who know the truth just removed him from their Friends’ list or ignored him.

He’s made out to be Dad of the Year online but in reality he’s anything but. Keep your dignity OP and ignore him.

@PearlandRubies194 it's disgusting isn't it them talking about mental health issues on their Facebook page. I'm feeling the same mortified at what our mutual friends are reading. There must be around 20 odd people thats deleted me all cos of what hes saying about me. They must genuinely believe I have just stopped him seeing ds for absolutely no good reason. That is what he is telling people. They have no idea what really has gone on.

Yes I am.so glad I haven't retaliated in any way and have just remained silent. Will definitely be showing my solicitor and will be getting it brought up in court. What good it'll do I don't know but they need to see what I'm dealing with and not tgis perfect father and man he is making himself out to be.

You’re doing the correct thing - make sure you inform your solicitor, do not retaliate and keep a diary of any incidents.
I was you 3 years ago and even my mother and sisters believed him, they called me a selfish mother for taking my children to the refuge.

Fast forward to today and they’ve seen for themselves what he’s truly like - a bully. True colours will always come out. Good luck to you and your children xx

Well here we are again over a month later and my ex is still doing this. It is getting worse. He is completely exposing me to public hatred. I am actually scared to leave my house with my child in fear of who I might see incase I am verbally abused in the street because of the things he is saying. People just think I am an evil woman who has stopped s man seeing his child. But the court has said no contact he doesn't tell them that.

I was getting well slagged off by his sister on his Facebook and she even commented we are back at court next week. And he did last time. Surely this is all wrong.

Can I do anything aboyt this abuse? I am still getting abused by him even out of the relationship. I have everything printed off to show the court. But Will they be bothered about this?? What can I do to stop this it is affecting my health.

Did you give the screen shots to your solicitor? What did the solicitor say?

I did. I have gave him copies of it all. He did say it was wrong and also that he shouldn't be posting about family court online either as he has basically identified a child going through the court. Our next hearing is just a hearing to find out if a fact finding hearing is needed. The solicitor said we need to deal with one thing at a time but am not sure how much longer I can cope with all this abuse, not just from him but other people who haven't even met me or know me.

Ring 101 and ask for advice. Advise you are worried about leaving the house and being verbally abused. Hopefully they will send someone round to talk to your ex.

Not sure if police would do anything to be honest. Mainly because they are Not threatening it's just a case of slating me as a person. He's basically fishing for sympathy an he's getting it. Must make him feel better to have everyone hate me and make out in this evil person.

They may not be able to do anything but it's worth a try.

Was talking to a girl I know and she has been through something similar except it was a lot worse with her and she went to the police and they done nothing

My solicitor is going to be raising the issue at our next hearing though. Plus ex has been discussing court proceedings on social media so that is basically contempt of court.