Ex husband moved on very quickly

[Mumtoboys48]

Hi,

I just feel like I need to get this off my chest. I don't want to stress my family out, I jus want to keep up the pretence that I'm ok.

A little while ago my husband of many years walked out. Within a week he was with a new girlfriend (someone he knew) and he has introduced the kids to her, introduced them to her kids and they are planning on moving in with each other. This all happened ridiculously quickly.

I think we did need to separate, he wasn't happy and I tried so hard. It just hurts so much!
If he'd just walked out I'd be devastated but ok. But he literally walk right out and to someone else who has wanted him for years.
Some days I'm ok!!
Others my whole damn body hurts, my chest feels like there is a elephant on it.
I'd never get back together with him. So why does it hurt so bad.
Do you guys have any advice?

I’m really sorry he’s done this and sadly he most probably was seeing her before he walked out and I know it’s so painful having been where you have.
The best way to deal with it emotionally is tell yourself your too good for him - BECAUSE YOU ARE and if he can treat you that badly he’s not worth your time or energy.
Try be kind to yourself you’ll feel heart broken you need to heal xxx

I'm going through separation at mo with our 20 year old 8 year old and 11month old when our baby was born I heard he was seeing someone else now he has her living with him in his 2nd hse. .. Through court putting us out of our home in Oct 18 by court order.. A disgrace we are tortured by him still... Count your blessings if it only having your home and children xxxx

My ex (long marriage) moved out within five days, moved in with his OW within 6 months and married her shortly after I divorced him. He cut off financial support, demanded the kids 50-50 (he had never looked after them, cooked, washed, etc) and threatened me frequently he'll take the kids from me. For two years he put everything he had into hurting me. As it happens, he was just a cliche, somehow the realization that he was just an ordinary ar**ole, made me feel a lot better.
Still, it was harrowing. At the start I determined I only had to go through the next half hour. One foot in front of the other, one hour at a time, one day at a time. When pain is soo great, our minds find coping mechanisms.
Trust this, time will make the pain fade. In the meantime use anything you can to prop yourself mentally. Support from family and friends (use it if you have it), positive thinking, distraction, anger, whatever works for you use it, don't worry about inconveniencing people. Tear down your EH from the pedestal he occupied as your other half, start seeing him as the coward who walked out on his family because it was easier than to work out his problems. Like most men who do this - they always wait util they find some other foolish woman who will tend to their needs, they almost never take responsibility for their own life. When nothing works, and there may be time when nothing does, see your doctor, ask for some medication to help you get through.
At some point it will stop hurting so much, you will even be happy. You might find yourself a lot closer to some people who were there for you.

Hi OP

I’m in a similar situation - ex left and immediately moved in with g/f, introduced the kids to her and her family that same weekend. All his time with the kids is with g/f and/or her family.

I also wouldn’t have him back but it does hurt - I think it’s the feeling of being replaced as if the past doesn’t mean anything at all? I guess it’s because they checked out a long time ago in their head and just didn’t have the decency to tell us...

Hopefully it will get better. I can’t imagine ever trusting anyone again though.

@somuchbetter you seem so wise. My ex 3 years on is still doing everything in his power to hurt me. Currently going through court so he can have full ‘custody’ of our children he’s never done anything for and left before the youngest was born. I know the ow is behind all the threatening emails and sceming plans. Not sure why they are the bitter ones?! Surely they got what they wanted when they succeeded their affair?!

Thank you for your replies. He does say that he didn't mean it to happen like it did but it still doesn't ease the hurt.
I'm taking one day at a time. Some times one minute at a time but hopefully as everyone has said the pain will ease.
It just hurts that even not wanting to go back, is the fact we will never be together again. If that makes sense.
Thank you x