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Lone parents

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Looking for advice

4 replies

kzmic31 · 30/06/2018 22:56

Split with my partner two months ago, wwe agreed to him taking the kids on a wed/thurs every week and for him to have every third weekend. The first couple of weeks were ok but every time he came to pick girls up he’d start an argument over something petty like wanting a copy of my budget. He asked me to sign a form for the council which I did saying he would have girls every week so could get a two bed house. He got a two bed flat and I thought everything would be fine so I enrolled on an evening course on the Wednesday night and as soon as he found out he ranted at me for forty mins about how pathetic it is to be a student at my age and then said that he only agreed to sign our agreement under duress and can’t get the nights of work so will no longer take them on the wed/thurs (he works three 12 he shifts a week) and will take them as and when he is either not working or has nothing on socially. I told him that the kids need routine and if he could at least pick two set days a week (any days) then it would be better for them but he has refused and will ask to have girls on random days and if I say we already have tickets for something he will accuse me of withholding the girls. He’s started being aggressive with me every time I see him and I told him that we needed mediation as I didn’t want to have to deal with it anymore but he’s been refusing to go. He’s started giving me only half the maintenance money then demanding a breakdown of how it’s spent before he ll give me the rest, but today it reached a head he was supposed to be having the kids for the day but never phoned to confirm, he finally text me back last night to say that he would be late picking them up as wanted a lie in and I explained that this wasn’t fair on kids as it was to be their only day with him for two weeks as he’s too busy to take them (socially) so he agreed to come at ten am. Had them ready to go and ten comes he doesn’t show then 5 mins later I get a text just says be 2 mins. Still doesn’t arrive kids getting upset and finally shows quarter past. I let the kids out and start to say goodbye and he starts moaning about having too much stuff with them. I asked him why he was late and he said was busy, I literally only said that he should let me know in advance next time and he started shouting about how sick he was of my complaining and how glad he is that he doesn’t have to listen to me nag anymore. I immediately changed the subject as I could see neighbours listening and told him I’d put sunscreen in the bag and he starts again saying what business is it of mine why he’s late anyway and I said to him all he had to do was text me if he knew I was going to be late and this point he starts shouting and swearing at me and telling me how pathetic I am in front of the kids. I told him not to speak to me like that or use that language in front of the girls and he just started shouting louder told the kids to go inside so they didn’t hear and told him to calm down and think of the kids to which he turned walked away and kept swearing and told me to send kids out. I told him that unless he stopped swearing I wouldn’t and he kept going so I closed the door. I thought he’d go cool down and come back and take kids but he didn’t. Was I unreasonable to take the kids in again? I felt awful because they were looking forward to seeing him but I really didnt want him to think it was ok for him to be like that in front of them. He sent me a text saying it was my fault for asking why he was late and that it’s none of my business and if I wasn’t such a loser he wouldn’t lose his rag with me. I’m at a loss. The kids love their dad but I can’t take his aggression and I really want to stop it but I don’t know how? I’m also worried about how he talks to kids when I’m not there as they said he says bad words to them sometimes too.

OP posts:
lovelilies · 04/07/2018 23:29

Sorry you're having to deal with this. I'm kind of in a similar situation, and it's shit. It would probably be best if you could avoid him all together, could he collect them from a friends house or somewhere neutral?

Things are all still very recent so you will all be adjusting to the new set up. Stay strong and be there for your girls, it's all you can do.

RandomMess · 05/07/2018 10:22

Just say he won't be having the girls until he agrees to a fixed schedule.

Stand firm - if he takes you to court he will get fixed contact!

He is using this as emotional blackmail to bully and control you Thanks

RandomMess · 05/07/2018 10:24

Maintenance just go via CMS, you may get less but take the power away from him.

He doesn't turn up for contact on time/within 15 minutes take the DC out.

Don't discuss anything with him email only, tell him you've taken legal advice and you welcome mediation to finalise contact schedule.

kzmic31 · 05/07/2018 18:32

Thank you both, it really means a lot to get some feedback,It’s just been really frustrating, unfortunately I don’t really know anyone in the area and I don’t have much in the way of family to arrange drop offs and pick ups also the nearest drop of centre to me is forty mins away and I don’t drive. I am going to pursue the child maintenance order because it will stop him from holding it over me and at least I know that I’ll get the money every month. I’ve told him no visitation until he attends mediation and hopefully they ll be able to sort this. I just want the kids to be ok and for the aggression to stop now 😔

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