Hi all. This is my first post and I need some advice.
I'm a single parent to a 17 yr old son. I was single until he was 14 when I met a wonderful man who I'm with for the last three years. He has 2 children to previous relationship.
The problem is that my partner is from a City 125km's away from where I live with my son. The first year together he worked and lived in his city. Things were difficult in that I visited him on the weekends. My son took this badly, accusing me of leaving him behind. My son stayed with my mother and father when I visited my partner. He had his children at the weekends and my house is too small for them to visit and stay. I would bring my son with me for weekends but he seemed miserable on these visits and would barely talk. He is super shy and reserved. I tried everything to reassure him but nothing worked.
In the second year of the relationship, my partner got a job nearer to where I live so he could stay with me during the week. He still kept his house in his City, he rented a big house with rooms for all the kids, so they would all feel involved and welcomed while each having their own privacy.
I would still go down on the weekends, sometimes my son would come, others he wouldn't. I allowed him to stay with his grandparents. (I should say, my sons father only met him once, he lives on the other side of the world, doesn't provide support, etc, etc)
This summer, my partner and I want to spend a month in the house in his city, the plan being for us to all be together as we feel we are fragmented.
I told my son of the plans, we arranged a part time job for him for the month and he seemed to agree to it.
Now, two days before we go to my partners City, my son pulled a wobbler. He told me he doesn't want to go, that he's unhappy, that he doesn't see me as his mother, that I just do everything for my partner, that I go off and leave him, etc.
I'm totally torn between trying to form some sort of bond between my partner, his children and me and my son and doing what my son wants me to do, I.e not to go to another city for a month. My son is so quiet, nearly passive aggressive......
I do everything for my son, all the usual things like cooking, cleaning, etc. He is spoilt by me and my parents. He has been on multiple holidays, has everything he ever wanted, etc.....
I feel I have damaged him in some way because he is so angry about moving away for a month. I know he'll miss his friends. I explained to him that it is only for a month, that he'll be busy working and I told him that I would drive him home to stay with my parents on days off, etc.
I'm so heart broken. I can't talk to my parents about this as my mother is not very supportive of my relationship with my partner.
I love my son and would never do anything to hurt him, I'm at my wits end.
My partner is so good to us, he brings us on holidays, treats us, supports us financially... My son does like my partner, but my son is so quiet and uncommunicative with us that I don't know what is going on in his head.
My son will be going to college next year and my partner wants me to move to his city when this happens so he can be with his children more, this is also stressing me out because I want to be with my son.
I'm so upset writing this, 💔
I would appreciate any advice.