So I'm new to the group as well as parenting and being involved with solicitors etc. I'm a bit lost and looking for advice, or just anyone who's been in the same situation.
From the beginning of our short relationship my ex was controlling - would stop me going on nights out and seeing friends but would tell me he was going out an hour or two before he did and then tell me to go out when I was usually working the next day, anyway he would do little things and I guess I became sucked in and I thought I loved him so did what was best for "us" and not necessarily for myself. He continued like this and I found out he had cheated on me a couple of times so we were very on/off - he always seemed to get back in with lies and empty promises. Fast forward just a few months into our 'relationship' and I unexpectedly fall pregnant. He had been nasty and blocked my number a week or so before so I had a hard time getting in touch to tell him but I did and was of course met with being told I'm a liar etc. Before later the same day him saying that "everything would be okay and he will stick by me and the baby". He then proceeded to tell his ENTIRE family that I was pregnant and so this is where I begin to feel forced into the whole thing. (Not that he got any nicer and just two days later made me do a pregnancy test in front of them all before saying he couldn't be sure it was his seeing as he and I had fallen out previously) anyway more or less the same thing continued, him being nasty, cheating, his family being nasty probably 80% of the time posting things on Facebook and encouraging these other relationships he's having, sending me abusive messages all culminating in the family having nothing to do with me and my partner ending up in jail. All of a sudden they're my friends again and are so sorry and it was him putting stuff in their heads etc. I visited him religiously and was promised when he came home it would be different cause baby would be there. I was helping his family a lot and thoight maybe there was just a lot of muddling up and finally they'd be there not just for me in my pregnancy but also for my baby. His family lost interest again but luckily for me I had my own good support network and was able to prepare and get everything I needed for my new arrival.
Baby was born with dad still in jail and his family ignoring me. Having had several medical issues near the end of pregnancy, multiple hospital visits each week as well as being induced early due to said problems I asked for no visitors ( following an already lengthy hospital stay, I was keen for father to see baby first and looking back had slight pnd over whole situation which was regularly documented by midwives and health visitor) and so of course this was broadcast on Facebook with many expletives before I even had a chance to tell anyone myself that my baby had arrived they had done so in a disgusting manner...
I took baby to jail (what I thought was best for baby was a secure, loving family unit even if his dad had missed out on the start of his life) but now looking back I just don't know what I was thinking and how I was sucked into this manipulative relationship and how this constant abuse became okay? Anyway I continues in the hope that I was making the best choices for my baby and it would pay off as after a few months he would have Mum and Dad living together and providing for him.
The nasty messages and Facebook posts continued even after baby was born and when my ex finally left jail he was nice for maybe a week before the manipulation and controlling behaviour started back up. I last saw his family when they were screaming and shouting at me in the street and again with the Facebook posts, abusive messaging and phonecalls etc. He wanted me to reach the olive branch to them because "they have issues and I've upset their feelings and have them all upset" (still no-one thinking about the upset and stress caused to me which probably was the main factor in my early induction and health problems pre and post natally but I guess that's not the main issue here) and when I didn't do this he threw a fit, threatened me AGAIN with legal action and then 24 hours later was shacked up with a girl he "wasn't cheating" on me with since leaving jail 3 weeks previously.
He was messaging and phoning constantly and I was advised to block it as he wasn't saying anything constructive, just giving me instructions on what he was doing with "his" son and being told how much of a bad parent I am.
I have since blocked them all under the advice of a solicitor aftee having to involve police but my ex has told me he's going to a solicitor and will take my baby, he and his family are intimidating and so I have serious anxiety over this (referred to counselling by my gp) and he also sent me messages saying I am ruining my son's life, I'll regret this etc. Despite the fact that during one of our "off" spells he was given 4 opportunities to see baby and didn't show up... as well as the fact the total contribution from him for "his son" totals £40... He owes me hundreds as it is and due to the nasty messages, controlling behaviour and due to his previous record I was advised to stop making effort and force him to go to a solicitor to have contact. (Its been 3 weeks and I am still to hear anything)
What I need to know is what happens next if he does take legal action?
Will they give him visitation rights where he is in control or can I demand supervised visits for him (not his family)
Will he get PRRs (he's not on birth certificate)
Will my baby have to be involved with his family?
I think the best option not only for my baby but anyone on the planet would be to avoid this family... not to have alone time with them.
And seeing as he was in jail with previous for domestics would I be offered contact centre visits?
I'm so worried about the whole situation and that the court will listen to his lies before ruling in his favour and he'll leave baby at his mum's for them all to take 500 photos to post on their Facebook and pretend to be happy families to all of their friends and continuing to paint me as an "evil nasty devil who plays games"
I do want what's best for my son and feel that not being involved with any of this is the best option... Will the court agree or do you think they'll take a different stance?
I'm sorry for the long post, and I still don't think I got everything in!