DC won't let me talk to other people

[Hullabalooo]

DC (only child) is 4 (nearly 5) and I left EA dad just over a year ago. I'm the primary carer and have been the consistent parent since then but he sees dad ONAW and EOW.

Ex met someone almost immediately and DC has seen his gf pretty constantly since then. I've had a few trysts here and there but not that DC is aware of. So mostly it's just us. However, I'm sociable and have friends round to visit often and family etc but DC finds it really hard to let me have a conversation with anyone else if he's there. He will keep interrupting or find ways to get my attention or even start shouting, screaming or hitting me if I don't stop chatting to someone else. Male or female.

It came to a head today when we were in a cafe and bumped into someone. Had a five minute chat and DC had a total meltdown. When the person left, my child started absolutely sobbing his heart out.

Later I asked why and dc couldn't say but I asked if they were like that with his dad and gf and the reply was ' no just with me'.

I haven't got to the point really of thinking about seriously dating etc but am now wondering how the hell that might be possible given this happens every time I talk to someone?!

I should say that I give DC lots of quality time but am not a helicopter parent and he also goes to nursery when I'm working and has lots of friends and family input. Anyone else had this? What do I do to manage the behaviour?

Its anxiety, you are his one constant that has always been there who he dosent need to share with another adult, hes frightened that he might have too and its irrelevant to him that they are just friends. Bet daddies gf was introduced as a "friend" to start with! This shall pass, but its going to take time.

Daddy's gf is still 'a friend' even though any time dc is with daddy so is she. So probably no quality time just with him.

Do you think this will pass as dc gets older? Or can I do more to reinforce his sense of security?

Some of this is normal . I meet friends sometimes without children and go . We can finish a conversation .

From reading it sounds like your Ds isn’t included in the conversation . So you might simply answer then carry on or say one minute . Finish the little bit of conversation and go back to him .

I think it is very important he knows you are more than a mum.

Hi, no I do include him where possible but sometimes when bumping into someone briefly it isn't always. The same thing happened this afternoon and we were both chatting to a couple we'd just met in passing but then he started pinching me really hard and crying.

Tough to manage and frustrating. Feel like I'm doing everything I can to be the best possible mum.

Then to be honest I would take the hard line . If every time he does this gets your undivided attention he will continue .

Have a conversation tonight explaining it in not ok and you will talk to other people it doesn’t mean you love him any less but other people want to talk to mummy too.

Thanks. I have talked to him but no change in behavior unfortunately.. just found out that ex moving in with his gf so that probably won't help much either.

My little one used to be like this. And we're in a similar position ie separated from dad for 2 years now. I think there's lots going on - anxiety, close attachment to me etc etc and I did worry about her anti-socialness and found it exhausting sometimes. But, fortunately, she seems to have grown out of it - she's nearly 5 now.

It might just come with time and with learning more about how it's not nice to interrupt when someone's talking (and it's a bit baby-ish!) - i think nursery helps to teach them things like that. I also did have a couple of gentle chats with her about it - 'Why did you want to leave? i was talking to her...' 'Mummy needs to talk to people sometimes. I was just talking about x'. etc

Fingers crossed for you! I feel your pain!

Thanks @noonoomummy Appreciate it.

I have this problem , my son is only 2 though. If I pop to the shops etc and bump into someone I know he literally drags me or tugs at my arms or screams to go. It's so embarrassing. I even gave gone to the point where if I see someone I knew I turn the other way and avoid them just to save a tantrum from my son! He's been like this for the past few months, I'm hoping it will change!

Me too. It's still a challenge!