Mum of 4 really struggling with my 4th child 😢

[Kaka89]

Hi everyone new to mumsnet
Looking for some advice and obviously to have a mum rant 😝

So I have 4 children first 3 to the same dad (we were young and was on off relationship till I was 22 then totally ended) we are really good friends can sit in a room have laugh and enjoy outings with our children together my older children are 12 9 and 7 amazing children so well behave really proud of them 🤗... my 4 child was not planned I was on the pill and condom was used every time! Yes I was shock I knew 4 children were gonna be too much but I couldn’t bring myself to get an abortion believed I would regret it forever! Anyway 4 months pregnant her dad decided to up and leave 💔 have never heard from him since (she’s almost 2) I looked after my 3 children worked my ass off 2 jobs till I was 39weeks to look after my 3 and buy everything for my baby.. I was so scared I had never been 100% on my own with any of my kids dad of first 3 stuck around slept on the sofa to help out... so labour came on and went up to hospital she was then in breach position got an emergency c section.. out came my tiny beautiful baby took great to breastfeed she had been an amazing little baby till 3months she’s since took up all my time she is a danger to herself she knows not to jump lean over the chair she does it twice I’ve been lucky and caught her “just” she nothing but scares the crap out of me I can’t leave to grab the hoover without her coming with me or she’s climbing chucking food.. another thing I can’t clean what I need to clean like do washing do dishes I’m always chasing behind her for the mess she makes.. I can’t spend time on my own with my other children 😓 I miss sitting reading stories taking about school playing game on the PS4 (I can’t play) with my oldest.. worst of all I have no one to speak to I haven’t had time to speak to my friends if I do it’s blunt I don’t mean to be horrible just I’m keeping an eye on my dare devil child if I take my eyes off her she’s off upto no good now I don’t hear from them😭.. I stopped toddler groups because she lashed out at other children I did take her away sat her on the chair told her hitting is naughty and made her just sit and watch the other kids play till the end about 5mins left and tried again and again she just smiles when she’s been bad.. I love all my children very much even little Satan she can be cute that’s for 5 mins
Do apologies if your reading and it’s all muddled up was just what was coming into my head
Thank you

How old is your daughter?

OP says nearly 2...

(I find it so difficult to take in massive blocks of text and fish out info too)

Could you afford childcare a couple of mornings a week? It would give you some breathing space.

I agree some childcare in a nursery setting might help you, and also give your daughter a chance to learn behaviours around other children her own age. They also seem to listen to teachers more than parents...

She may just be a handful of energy, which doesn't help you right now at this age when she is kamikaze, but as she gets older lots of sport/physical activity clubs will help- wear her out every day!

A play pen might be a good idea for her safety and your sanity! I used one with my fearless toddler and it was so helpful to have 15 minutes where I could hoover or nip in the shower and know he was safe.

Sounds like my dgd, also aged 2! She's like a hurricane when she visits, stuff gets thrown, cats dishes upset, reaches up onto work surface and grabs whatever she can reach including hot tea, knives..., toy boxes upended onto the floor. If your other 3 were good, you were lucky. It won't go on forever!