Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Getting annoyed with solicitors, exps and orders

45 replies

tammybear · 12/08/2004 13:21

I was going to go see my solicitor next week, but I cant because she's away and this week shes dealing with a big case, so cant be seen til 6th sept

exp has a bee in his bonnet about getting this bloody PR, and like some of the mumnetters have said, I dont think I should agree unless he shows he can be responsible, which I did say to him but he just laughed

If I said no, he would be able to go to the courts to try and sort it out wouldnt he?

Also, Im away from 27th, and he wants to see dd that weekend, although I told him I didnt want him to come that weekend (why dont people bloody listen to me!!! ) Mums on about she doesnt mind them coming, but I bloody do!!! Exps saying that since Im not there, it shouldnt affect me (like he has a f*ing clue) and I know even if I turned around to him and say no, he will just sort something out behind my back with my mum!!

OP posts:
aloha · 12/08/2004 16:29

Then I think you either need for him to come down the week before, or lay down the law with your mother about this. Literally tell her that you don't want him seeing her, and if she goes behind your back you will be very angry and if you can't trust her with your daughter then she won't be able to see her as much. That is your trump card, so don't be afraid to use it if strictly necessary.

Original poster
tammybear · 12/08/2004 16:34

i knew theyd want to come down that weekend because they dont want to face me. after exp's outburst last time, it was just left and so it's gotten worse. rather than any of them apologising, we havent heard from them. its awkward enough when they come but it'll be even worse the next time. if i was one of his parents, i would have rang up or wrote a letter apologising for exps behaviour and hope it wont affect them visiting next. but they dont have any common sense so thats a lot to expect off them. his mum rang mine up and she said rang just to see how dd is, then after it was very awkward and she even admited to not knowing what to say. she even asked then what the dates were that i said not to come down.

OP posts:
Original poster
tammybear · 13/08/2004 11:38

just rang all the local solicitors who deal with family issues and either none of them do legal aid, or they want me and exp to go to mediation first Looks like Im waiting until 6th September then

OP posts:
JoBurger · 13/08/2004 11:50

Tammybear, where do you live?

Original poster
tammybear · 13/08/2004 11:54

watford

OP posts:
Freckle · 13/08/2004 12:06

If you apply for legal aid, it is a requirement that you agree to mediation first. Both have to agree, so if exp refuses, you'll still get legal aid. However, if you refuse, then you will not get legal aid.

Original poster
tammybear · 13/08/2004 12:09

I have thought of mediation before but because he lives so far away, plus hes an awkward b***d, I dont think it would happen. And the people Ive spoken to say, I need him to come with me, do I?

OP posts:
JoBurger · 13/08/2004 12:21

Thought I might be able to recommend a firm, but they're not close to Watford - sorry.

Also, I believe it is a requirement of obtaining Legal Aid that you attend mediation; although I believe you both have to agree to attend. You would receive legal aid if he refuses (me thinks...?).

It's a shame really, as all you need is advice relating to issues which may/may well not arise whilst you are away. I agree with beansmum though that he is probably just threating to go to court; and as Aloha says, a PR agreement means very little in practical terms.

If it helps, I dug out dp's parental responsibility paperwork (which does goes back a few years) and we both had to agree at court that 'the child's father have parental responsibility for the child (in addition to the mother having parental responsibility).' We had to provide child's birth cert. and passports. As I have said, things may be different now.

Sorry I haven't been much help.

Hope things work out.

JoBurger · 13/08/2004 12:25

Sorry Freckle, my typing is so slow that you had already mentioned what I was trying (and I didn't do very well, at that!) to say to Tammybear re. legal aid.

Original poster
tammybear · 13/08/2004 12:29

thanks joburger, you have been a help. I might leave it til after I get back since I do already have a solicitor. I think if I see my solicitor before I go away, it would either put my mind at rest or make me worry even more so probably best I leave it, and as long as exp doesnt contact me, I should be okay. Ive also decided Im going to have a talk to my mum about this all, as I think it'll help if I let her know how I feel and that I want her to support me etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
tammybear · 15/08/2004 16:39

just a quick update. Ive spoken to my mum about how I feel, and she's going to support me 100% now. Exp has been contacting my mum and we both feel he's trying to get on her good side so she'd allow them to come and visit (he does this all the time). Next time he contacts her, my mum's going to ignore him, unless he's asking over dd. She is going to go out that weekend with dd in case they decide to come anyway, but I will be ringing them to say I dont want them to come that weekend as Id feel more comfortable and plus its my mums last week before she goes back to work and she would rather not see them.

Ive been reading up about PR, and about cases where it isnt awarded. this is an example of one of the websites I looked up. Im not against exp having PR, but its how he's going about it and so Im going to have my solicitor write to him to explain what he is entitled to and that I have the main say, as Im the main carer so he cant just do whatever he likes, which I think will make me feel a lot better.

Also my mum pointed out that my dd is a very happy girl and so her hardly seeing her dad isnt affecting her, and probably wont for another year or so. So Im not going to moan at him about him seeing dd.

Thanks to everyone for your advice and opinions xxx

OP posts:
coppertop · 15/08/2004 16:43

Well done, TB. You sound much less stressed now that you've got a plan ready.

Mosschops30 · 26/08/2004 13:59

Message withdrawn

Original poster
tammybear · 26/08/2004 14:09

yeah im here mosschops, still having problems with him though, mums being supportive though

OP posts:
Mosschops30 · 26/08/2004 14:25

Message withdrawn

Original poster
tammybear · 26/08/2004 14:30

i looked more into it and it says that they look at exp's relationship and commitment to dd and why he is applying for it as well. to me, it looks doubtful that he'd get it, but when i spoke to my solicitor, she said he'd most likely get it. i really cant stand him, but willing to try and get on with him for dd's sake. he doesnt seem to understand why that is important and just thinks of himself. he needs to grow up in my opinion.

its nice to know that other people are in the same situation (although its not nice to be in the situation!) I go on holiday tomorrow, and am slightly worried he will turn up at my mums door demanding to see dd. she's also very worried about it too

OP posts:
Mosschops30 · 26/08/2004 14:37

Message withdrawn

Original poster
tammybear · 26/08/2004 14:50

unfortunately he knows where my mum lives too. so shes going out if the weathers nice. we've said about police and he laughed that id get him arrested for seeing dd.

OP posts:
Mosschops30 · 26/08/2004 14:57

Message withdrawn

Original poster
tammybear · 26/08/2004 15:01

will try my best. xxx

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page