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Original poster

Father's Day (absent fathers)

36 replies

Butterflykissess · 06/06/2018 18:42

I've posted about this on Aibu a little while ago but thought I would post on here to see if anyone is in the same boat as I feel quite awkward about it. dcs school do cards for fathers day and as he is absent I wanted to ask them not to get my children to make them(not the while school) . Is anyone else doing the same?

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Original poster
Butterflykissess · 09/06/2018 15:58

truth be told i havent spoken to them at all about it. they last saw him last year. hes always been in and out. but he has dex

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Original poster
Butterflykissess · 09/06/2018 16:02

posted too soon! he has decided he doesnt want to be a dad anymore and the door is well and truly closed now (given him waytoo many chances) im just hoping they forget about him. so stuff like fathers day is a nasty reminder

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Starlight2345 · 09/06/2018 17:48

Your dc will never forget there dad isn’t around.
My Ds is 11 doesn’t want to see him now . At school , books , Tv are surrounded by two parent families .
My Ds has been through a lot of emotions to get to that stage.
My Ds was 3 when he stopped seeing his Dad , he was very aware at that stage .

In a way while you see them as a horrible reminder it can also be seen as a chance to discuss and help them heal

fuzzyfozzy · 09/06/2018 19:34

There's some lovely books on different family setups, might help with acceptance.
I wouldn't go with denial

Original poster
Butterflykissess · 09/06/2018 19:38

yeh i guess you are both right. its just he was very abusive to me so its still so raw.

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fuzzyfozzy · 09/06/2018 20:02

But he does exist but not in his life, he'll see other families and have questions. If you discuss it first it's on your terms

Starlight2345 · 09/06/2018 20:29

My Ex was abusive too.. I mean this in the kindest way..I think you need to get some help..

Your anger does show through on here. ( understand the anger) however you need to find a way to move through that and so you can move on.

While all children respond to things differently I do wonder if the children sense your anger. I call it the revolving door question that I think I have answered my DS;s questions.then he has another one as he grows.

Original poster
Butterflykissess · 09/06/2018 20:34

i get what your saying. i am angry. but unfortunately i cant get any help as i tried counselling in the past and it really isnt for me! (not about this situation) i never mention their dad or slag him off, they never mention him either.

OP posts:
BlueUggs · 09/06/2018 20:42

My son makes one for his grandad.

BlackBeltInChildWrangling · 09/06/2018 21:10

It might have been the counsellor rather than the counselling, if you see what I mean OP. Maybe try Women's Aid?

ohamIreally · 12/06/2018 07:12

If I had a choice my DD would be sending this:

Father's Day (absent fathers)
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