Mediation

[octobersunshine]

I'm going to the first mediation session tomorrow to sort out arrangements for DS.

Ex is a bully and a narcissist and I've requested we are in separate rooms, Does anyone have any advice or tips about the process and how to broach it? I'm really worried about it.

I didn't know you could do it from separate rooms, will the mediator just go back and forth as a messenger?

One tip is to go in with a note of all the topics you want to sort out in writing and what you suggest for each thing i.e. maintenance, access, holidays, christmas. It will help keep you focussed on what needs done and give you something to keep you on track if things get emotional.

One thing to remember is the mediator can't take sides, so even if what your ex asks for is ridiculous or unreasonable it's up to you to stand up for yourself and your DS. It won't be an easy day but remember you are doing it for your DS and it will be worth it when it is all sorted.

Thank you for this.

Yes, it's called a shuttle, and the mediator moves between two rooms.

I know the mediator can't advise but can she make suggestions if she thinks ex is being completely unreasonable?

The mediator my DP had didn't get involved at all, unless things turned nasty. He didn't make any suggestions about access/maintenance etc, his role was just to get them back on track if things got heated or stop the discussion if personal things were brought up.

Don't know anyone else who has gone through mediation though so I'm talking from limited experience.

Thanks for these suggestions.

I feel that given a lot of my ex's behaviours, he's seeing mediation as a cost effective way of getting what he wants, rather than court. I don't think he'll offer any compromise.

What do I do in this event? Just walk away and let him take me to court? I'm petrified of the court option and wouldn't want to do that at all, but neither do I want to agree to something that I don't see as in DS interests simply to keep it from court.