Experience of growing up with a single mum

[Glassofredandapackofcrisps]

Just that really. I'm a single mum y choice to a 2yo girl. Although I thought long and hard about my decision to do this I'm now wondering if she will suffer because of it.
So experiences and advice about how to do the very best job I can please!

Personally I haven't had the experience of growing up with a single mum. I have to say though I wouldn't know where I'd be without her. She really is my number one woman! I spent my life trying to be daddy's little princess and he always made me feel like I was never quite good enough. I rarely speak to or see him these days as he's just negative and I never feel all that great afterwards. Don't get me wrong both he and my mum worked hard and we never went without. He wasn't a crazed violent criminal/addict/alcoholic or anything but he was self-centred, only really cared about himself, manipulated situations to his advantage, emotionally unavailable and chose his second marriage over his children. Also, nothing was ever his fault, always someone else. All in all just not a very good influence on my life, my brother may say different but my dad's attitude towards females has always been a bit pants. If I'm honest I do think I would have done a lot better without him in my life.

So in answer to your question I don't think she will necessarily suffer for it as I'm sure you'll love enough for both parents and you will show her what a strong independent women she can become without a man in her life!

Other people may feel differently but I'm all for one positive parent over 2 when one could be a negative influence.

If you really think that she will suffer is there anyway you could get the father involved? Or doesn't he 'exist'.

PS I'm a soon to be single first time mum of one too and it's likely he will be nowhere to be seen - he might as well be pixie dust!

Thank you for your response! My dad wasn't great either, maybe that's how i ended up in my situation!
No way could her father be involved, I had ivf via anonymous sperm donor.
Guess you're right about the strong independent women bit, sometimes I have a bit of a wobble I just want to do the best I can for her and don't want her missing out in anyway!

My dm was single most of my childhood.
If she had been a decent dm that would have been enough.
She wasn't. But I bet you are!!
My dd didn't see her df from 1yo til 21 and she says in no way did she miss out or have regrets he was absent.
And she told him so!!
Apparently I was enough (boast! ).

Thank you April!

My mum was a single Mum for the majority of my childhood.
She was fucking incredible. Money was tight no doubt. She worked full time.
She taught me everything. And I’m incredibly proud to be her daughter.

I love this thread! I’m a single mum to 2 beautiful girls and worry that they don’t have their dad around as he died.. I do my best every day though

You can’t miss what you’ve never had. I’ve never missed my father cause I didn’t know what that was. My mum was fiercely independent, always encouraged me to be able to look after myself. She wasn’t a man-hater by any means, just encouraged us to go to school, get good jobs, be able to deal with things etc etc. She held her own, ran her own business in the end, retired early and generally set a pretty good example. She wasn’t perfect, maybe a bit too strict sometimes but that was because of her own upbringing. No parent is, we just try our best to do right by our own and that’s all you can do. Your little one will be absolutely fine. Just make sure you spend time with her as she grows and pay her enough attention. That was probably my only gripe, our mum worked two jobs early on so we hardly saw her. I understand now why but when your young it can be difficult to get your head around that.
My DS and I turned out well adjusted, pretty much...I don’t have any ‘daddy’ issues or hanker after older men except Hugh Jackman

My mum is a single Mum and she rocks.
I know my dad but he's not much use so he hasn't been a constant or reliable presence.
She has always been there for us and she is my absolute world. My mum gave me away at my wedding and I have never felt like I'm missing out.

I'm a single mum, and interested in this topic.

My main piece of advice would be to get as much life insurance as you can afford, and to have pre-agreed with friends/family who would be willing to act as guardians should anything happen to you. This should be listed in a letter of wishes, with guardians in order of preference.

Oh, and make sure you have a will drawn up too, obviously.

I'm not really a fount of wisdom generally, but a very dear friend of mine who was a single mum via IVF/donor recently passed away after a short and intense battle with cancer and it has left me very conscious of needing to do the above myself.

My mum wasn’t technically a single mum, but my dad works away (think away 4 months, home for 3 days, away 2 months then home for a week etc) so she raised me. As awful as it sounds I never missed my dad been at home as my mum was just amazing. She worked too, but always made sure she asked about my day, played with me and on weekends we would do fun things like set up a picnic in the living room/park depending on the weather, I am so close to my mum because it was me and her.

There was just me and mum- my father pissed off when I was a baby, I don't remember him ever living with us, I met him for the first time when I was 6.

We didn't have much money, looking back mum must have struggled, especially before she went back to work. Her health wasn't good either.

Yet I remember a happy childhood, full of love and laughter. I didn't miss out, my mum was great.

Motherofdragons yes I have a fab insurance policy but need the will

Sorry posted too soon.
I'm happy enough just me and my girl but I wonder does she need a sibling?
I have embryos in storage and I'm an only child so she doesn't have any cousins. It's so hard to know what to do for the best.

My mum was a single mum from when i was about 7 and she was amazing! Were super close now and i would never have changed a second

I have just had a second child and it has been an AMAZING experience. We are so happy and it feels like a family rather than just "DC1 and mum". I weighed things up carefully before making a decision but it has just been so much more life-enriching than I thought it would be.

Their dad is sporadically around but doesn't live with us or take any responsibility, so in many ways my decision was much more like that of somebody using donor sperm.

Oops, sorry - wrong thread

Just to add to my post at the top, both of my parents were in the military so my dad was away all the time and when he wasn't he was in the pub! Thankfully they didn't send my mum away when we were kids, even though they could have done so I guess she did actually do all the parenting. Up until their split when I was 13, brother was 11 (I'd just gone to boarding school so made no odds to me). We choose to live with dad (long story, another manipulation). I could see the split a mile off, still baffles me today why she stuck with him for 14 years! 😂

Are there no children in your family at all? Mine either till the little one arrives! If you want her to have someone to play with or whatever and you want a second child then absolutely go for it! It is hard yes, but no one's perfect and I'm sure you will make a fab mummy and will do right by her! Try not to worry too much, I'd bet my last penny she worships the ground you walk on!