Single parent life

[SoonToBeMumOfOne]

How do all you single parents cope with life be it financially/emotionally or whatever with the father not around? And when I say not around I mean non existent. No maintenance, no contact, nothing? Of course I'm hoping that he is involved... but I want to be prepared for him being nowhere to be seen.

Just one day after a next really. You get used to it because you have to. Yes it's a grind sometimes. But I'm thankful for my job and having that escape tbh

Financially it is budgeting and hoping for the best

Can anyone say they are happy? I know it will be stressful, but I'm hoping that when it comes down to it, stress aside, I'm happy.

I get £7 a week from ex no contact no family support and Ds has sn’s . However I am happy life is not at all what I expected .

My expectations are different don’t get out often , but do have lots friends . Sometimes it is tough but I have such a special bond and enjoy my time with him.

What is your current position

Hi @Starlight, I'm glad to hear your happy! I have a baby on the way, 2 possible fathers. One would be involved the other won't, so you can imagine what I'm crossing my fingers for.

I do have a good family and friend support network, so I do feel quite lucky there and start a part time job soon, although I will obviously be taking some time very soon too! It's just all I seem to see/hear is that single parents are miserable and I'm just hoping life isn't like that. I'm a firm believer in making the best out of any situation and hope to just be happy with what I have and my little girl!

Do remember most people talk about the tough stuff . People don’t tend to post lifeis rosy and all going well . Like all parenting it has its ups and downs . I have found it has got easier too as my Ds has got older . Now 11 we watch films we both enjoy, we can chat but I have enjoyed all the stages for different reasons

Honestly! It's shit. But I have 4. Their dad is not involved at all. The it's shit. Sick of the judgement aswell. Sigh and the confusion with my kids (they think my dad is their dad despite me explaining over and over again that he isn't) not that it's their fault ofcourse.

@Butterfly are there really positives to tour life?

*your

I love my kids I do, I'm glad I had them so I don't regret it but wish I wasn't doing it alone. I resent that my ex can just walk away .

I’m happy! Its hard work, but many of my friends talk all the time about their partners not pulling their weight, argumemts over money, stress re. Each others families and sometimes I honestly think I have it better.

DS and I have a lovely relationship and there’s no stress or fighting in our house, I’m in charge of the money so while all the stress is mine I also dont have to deal with a partner wasting money on drinking with mates or other pointless crap

Good luck to you OP, whatever happens you will have your DC and that’s all that matters

Mine is 11, never had a dad. I don’t know any different, it’s not that hard. We’re very happy

That's what I like to hear, something positive! Something that doesn't leave me dreading the life that awaits me!

I have two children. One dad isn't involved and one is. I would be happy not to have to deal with either but I am thankful for the one that has a father that cares for her.

Selfishly I could do without the hassle. I'm at my happiest when I havnt heard from him in a while

@soontobe, I am happy being a lone parent (and lucky too). I don’t have family support close by so no baby sitters but we are doing ok. Ds is 9, happy, funny, amazing and I wouldn’t change anything.
The positives of single parenting are ds doesn’t see his df drunk, there is no-one to teach him to be a “chip off the old block”, no-one moaning when I want to help with homework instead of cook vast meals.
Being a single mum is hard if you are ill or feeling low but if you can stay fit & in a decent job, it’s not that difficult. Lots of good advice on here. And no nightmare MIL
Congratulations

I attend playgroups and try and meet more people otherwise i have so little adult contact (no family support) and this all keeps me going. As @kingsclerelass mentioned, my children dont see their dad drunk or being abusive or critical of me so that is a huge positive. My ex is around but seems too drunk to ever visit them these days. That said, when you feel low, it can be very hard emotionally, for example today i really felt like i was so alone but then i think to myself that every day is a new day and my kids are very happy.

Can anyone say they are happy? Yes, very. Been a LP for 10 years and genuinely love my life, being single suits me. Being a mum of one suits me. I have a job I love and enough money. I did have free childcare and supportive parents in the early years which was a godsend. Still do just don't need much in the way of childcare these days. Father never been involved, doesn't have PR but I do get maintenance, had to fight for it though.

I’m really happy! I made huge changes and moved back near my parents and family. I’ve actively made friends with the other single mums in my DC school and we do lots of play dates on Bank Hols and occasionally go for Sunday roast together etc. I found a local teenager who does cheap babysitting. I have friends over for dinner once DC asleep as that’s easier than going out. A new neighbour has just moved in who is a single mum so having her and her boys over for play and dinner. I cut down at work a bit so have time to catch up one day a week so that weekends don’t feel full of chores. My ex was a horrible man. I may very occasionally be lonely, and my house is sometimes messy but it is a calm, safe, loving space. I know I am lucky with my job and my family.

I'm happy, I have 3 primary age and it can be hard sometimes having to deal with everything by myself like managing difficult behaviour and the daily repetitiveness and relentlessness of it and you can feel lonely with not much child free time with friends but I'm a million times happier and my mind and life are so much easier and more peaceful than when we were together. The relationship was draining.

I love the single parent life. I was at uni for 4 years, with the grants and benefits I got with that I'd have to earn around 45k a year to get the same working. It kept me in a very comfortable lifestyle.

Then there's finding time for me. Friday nights I drop the kids at grannies and pick up my wine and chinese on the way home and just speak to nobody!

I keep an extremely active social life and 3/5 week nights we have something to do as I run a voluntary group and the social life that comes with that is great we do all kinds of activities(kids too) and it's free as i'm the manager of the group! last week we had a pizza and film night, went wall climbing and bowling.

After all that uni I got a good job (which still doesn't pay as good as student grants but it's enough). I admit with the kids being only 9&10 it's difficult as they can't walk to and from school or be in the house alone but with planning it works for us!

When I left him I had a 2&3 year old and not even a toothbrush to my name! (he wouldn't let us get our possessions) I lost my home, I lost my job and I didn't have many qualifications. Now I can go food shopping without having to calculate exactly how much i spend because i might not have the money. I have a brand new car, my house may be a council but i'm saving to buy it and it's very nicely decorated! I take my kids on holiday atleast 2 times a year. I work hard and sometimes well most days I leave the house at 7am and don't get home until 10 11pm but every day without fail i make sure I get atleast 30 minutes watching my TV or doing something for me and that's the main thing for me.
-always keep trying to better yourself
-make sure you have you time
Theres been times where I've been struggling mentally and physicall and i've just stopped the world, the house might be a mess I might have tonnes of work, Got a glass of wine out and passed the nail varnish and remover to my daughter and asked her to do my nails (she loves doing this i'm not a slave driver lol )

I don't claim maintenance and he has no contact it doesn't bother me those are my kids and are nothing to do with him!

@haylz124 that's what I like to hear! Does your childcare situation make your life a bit easier?

I'm happy. Two kids, single parent for 3 years. I don't get any support so it's down to careful budgeting. But it's ok. You get into the swing of things.

The finding childcare makes it hard all my family work full time 9-5 Theres an after school club they go to which are great! If it's not their day I can call them 30 mins before school finishes and they will collect them if I'm struggling.

On a weekend I take my kids to my parents on a friday I spend all saturday and sunday through the day with them if I don't have heaps of work but the evenings are mine unless they want to come home for a film with mum.

My sister can't have kids so she's like a second parent and helps when she can.

The volunteer group is great it's all female volunteers and it's more of a lifestyle thing. I'm always meeting new women to be friends with and they are all so nice!

I had nothing I lived on income support for 2 years when I left I went through bad times in all ways but you can do it! Once I started uni I felt like I had a purpose and I was doing good. I became really motivated. The more motivated and positive I got the better life got. Now I won't accept a man unless I know he will bring something good into my life. I'm happy and I don't want anyone disturbing that!

People say you should put your kids first always but i disagree with that you should put you first. The better you're doing the better parent you are! My daughter tells everyone about me she is so proud and both kids are so well behaved I am always complimented on how nice they are`

I'm glad there are happy single mums out there.

Although I wish my parents would take her every weekend lol!