Unwell children and contact

[eve34]

Just wondered what other people did if the children are either just off colour or actual sick. Do you not send them for their contact?

I wouldn't want to make other people sick but also feel that they are capable of parenting both well and sick children and feel it's unfair that I would be left to deal with all sickness

Also depends on how poorly I suppose and the child's wishes to remain at primary residence.

Just wondered what other people's experiences were.

I’m a SM. Children get sent to us (usually we aren’t told there’s a problem until the stomach bug hits and the children tell us they’ve had it a few days).

My OH wants to stick to the contact schedule - just because he’s the dad doesn’t mean he can’t patent and look after a sick child. Also gives mum and break to.

Purely down to how my dc is feeling. If he has a high temperature or has been sick repeatedly, then I phone my ex and tell him ds will be staying at home.
Ex is useless at dealing with anything messy anyway so it’s never been an issue. But if he wasn’t happy, I’d like to see him take me to court to complain that I kept a sick child in bed.

I guess I will be guided by ds. He is vomiting so he can't go like that. But just wondered what the format should be further down the line. It doesn't seem fair that I have to change my plans and deal with all the sickness. As they are very capable of parenting too. Not just the fun bits.

We do it on a case by case basis. But both parents are more than willing and capable of looking after the kids when they are sick.

My boys tend to want to stay at home with me if they're not well. I usually leave it up to them, unless they're vomiting or very poorly with a fever etc.

My DSC have never been too ill to come. Their dad is as capable of looking after them and they’re happy to cosy down in bed here if needed, nap, have a cuddle, eat tomato soup etc as needed. If they were really properly ill and couldn’t leave the house when they were at mum’s then of course he wouldn’t stamp his feet and insist. But that’s never happened to date. They’ve also never been too ill to go back to mum’s.

I’d let the child make the decision. As in if they’re still dead set on going, then they go. Always text to give a warning though incase their Dad wants to back out. Sick children are part of parenting so if it’s my ex’s day to have the children he should take them, unless they decide they’d rather be at home with me (which they have chosen to do before when feeling particularly crappy).

My dp is willing and able to look after his kids if they are poorly but they normally want to be at home, like most of us preferring to be in their own bed etc - their mum is happy for them to be at home too.

I'm a SM to 2 SC and have my own DS with DP. If the SC are just 'unwell' i.e feeling sick as opposed to being sick then they still come round and we just keep a closer eye on them. If they have an actual sickness i.e flu then we make them stay at home regardless of what they or their mother wants - we don't want to catch it and definitely don't want our much younger DS to catch it.
Most of the time though when they are ill like that they'd rather stay at home which is fine with us but their mother always tries to force them to come anyway which means we can't do anything with the weekend because either one or both of them are in bed sleeping it off all day.
I had to put my foot down the last time and say to her if they are so unwell that school won't allow them in then they can't come here - SC2 was sent home with flu on the day we have them for tea, said they both weren't allowed just in case SC1 had already caught it and we'll speak again regarding the weekend when it comes and see how they are. It's not that we don't want to look after them if they are sick, its more that DP is self employed to can't afford to take time off for sickness and my DS is so prone to catching anything and everything I'd like to avoid it when possible and at the time of them having flu my DS was already poorly with a cough and cold that hadn't shifted for nearly a month so I wasn't willing to have his immune system tested because he wasn't able to get his flu jab due to already being unwell.

Cd890. But if they lived with you for any reason you would have no choice but to deal with the illness.

I am not trying to be difficult but this is the conversation I have had this week. So I have to deal with all the sickness days and take the time off work and run the risk of being sick too. And ex will only have the children if they are well enough. I wouldn't dream of them going if they were so sick they couldn't leave the house. But he has the same responsibility to our children as I do.

It is another mine field of trying to co parent. It is early days for me so just feeling my way through.

I do appreciate everyone's input. X

CD890, I get that kids may well want to stay somewhere more familiar if ill, and invariably, though not always, that means with the resident parent. But saying that you can't do anything with your weekend if they're ill is a bit unfair as presumably neither can the mother? I've had these conversations with ex, and he seems to assume his contact time is only the fun museum days and he can refuse all the other rubbish which comes with parenting.

Dads can look after sick kids too! Being a great parent isn't just about the fun stuff. It's about the time spent helping with homework, the firm conversations when they step out of line, the washing, the cleaning, the holding them when they're upset - and, yes, the vomit. That's what being a parent IS. Unless the kids are totally bedridden and unable to move, or the other parent isn't set up to care for them, or they would be very upset about going, they should always still go. Because after the vomit has been cleaned up, comes the snuggling up under a blanket and watching a film together. And that's parenting too.

CD890 - I'm trying hard not to judge, but dictating that your partner's child cannot come and stay if they're ill because of the risk of someone else getting ill, or because it will restrict what you can do that weekend, strikes me as straying somewhat into Cinderella territory. It doesnt send a great message to his kids that they are not welcome in case you or your son gets ill.

Having not long been to court for an arrangements order my DP was told the only reason a child shouldn't be available to come to contact is if they cannot get out of bed.
Anything else & either parent is perfectly able to look the child. Also the fact that 1 parent shouldn't get all the fun time whilst the other has to deal with the 'shit'.