Father’s Day

[FTMum2016]

My little girl sees her dad once a week and he’s never bought me a mother’s day present and vice versa however me and my partner have been together nearly a year and he is now living with us, since he lives with us he does an awful lot my my daughter and she has a great bond with him. I was planning on getting him a little something for Father’s Day, not going down the whole stepdad route because it’s far to early for that, I was just thinking some chocolates. What’s everyone’s opinion?

You’ve only been together a year, it’s too soon and it’s one of those things your daughter should decide.

She has a dad, he sees her every week. Your partner isn’t her dad. Thanks also think it’s disrespectful to her dad. And I don’t think you should expect a Mother’s Day present from him.

I’ve been in my SC’s lives 4 years, lived with dad for 2. I woukd never expect a Mother’s Day present. They have a mum and it’s not me.

Completely understand that you want to recognise that your partner is a great presence in your daughter's life, but I would suggest that Father's Day is not the time to do that. Particularly if you are not doing anything for her actual Dad (you mention he does nothing for you on mother's day, but you don't mention if you do anything for him on father's day). Ultimately, your partner is not your daughter's father, and it would be pretty disrespectful to get your partner something. Why not do something on another day to recognise the part that your partner plays in your daughter's life?

Fathers Day is a Hallmark Inc invention, you can celebrate the special man in your life any day of the year, and your child , when she is old enough can celebrate her daddy any way she likes.

You aren't your exes mum why should he send you anything?

When is Father's Day?

17 June

I agree that there is no need for you or your ex to get each other anything for mothers/fathers day. Getting DD to make him a card however would be nice.
As to your new partner. I think it's a lovely idea for you to acknowledge what he does for your daughter. But it has to be from you not her. I don't see that as any disrespect to her dad. It's not about her relationship with her dad it's about you saying thank you to your partner for helping you with your daughter.

I’m with scifiG on this.

Until you are ready to go down the stepdaddy route, then no I wouldn't personally, why not celebrate another day with your new partner where you share cards etc.
There's nothing wrong with acknowledging what new partner does for her, but it must be about your daughter, her right to celebrate father's Day (if that's what they do) with her dad, and when new partner becomes 'stepdad' celebrate that too.
I think as your daughter gets older she will want to give her dad something. You will have to help her, birthday /Christmas etc. She might feel sad if she hasn't got her dad something. It costs nothing to paint or draw a picture and wrap it up in a roll with a ribbon, she can do that all herself and it will teach her good values. We don't give gifts to receive them so I wouldn't expect anything back, but then maybe your new partner can help her draw a picture for you on your special days.

You could always get your new partner some chocolate from you on father's Day as an acknowledgement of what he does for your daughter, and share it with him while she's out with her dad? Or you take him out for a romantic meal just the two of you and tell him how much you appreciate him.

I'd say keep father's Day about her father from her perspective. And add I'm a stepdaddy day to celebrate when ready.

Or don't buy into any of it and just be thankful every day for the people in your daughter's life.

I agree with NorthernSpirit

If it ever comes from your daughter then that’s the time to do it.

I wouldn’t expect your ex to sort something for mother’s day. In future it might be nice for your DP to help your DD arrange something now he’s living with you. Does your ex have a DP who does this for your DD? If not it doesn’t sound like she’s ever acknowledge fathers day as you don’t arrange it so to start now doing it for your new partner will be very confusing to her and massively disrespectful to her dad.

I also agree that DP pitching in is him doing you a favour. She doesn’t owe him her thanks for helping you. If she wants to then it’s more appropriate on his birthday or something. Not on Father’s Day.

My children adore my partner but won’t be giving him anything for Father’s Day (unless they make him a card at school but that’s up to them) as he isn’t their dad. They can and will still love him as much without doing so.

My ex will be getting a (cheap arsed) card and a toblerone from £land. He makes even less effort with them for me so I don’t feel bad.