Social Services

[louisag1992]

Hi Everyone!

25 weeks pregnant with my first. It didn't cross my mind that this would happen but my midwife has made a referral due to my party days (drinking too much), which are well and truly over at nearly 26.
I also had some involvement with social services when I left home at 16, they left a few months after turning 18.

I just want an idea of what's in store, I'm not overly keen on Social Services sniffing around mine and babies life.

I believe if there is previous involvement then they check out if you need some support .

It is a process so go along . If those days are well over and you need no support they will likely just close the case

Your referral will probably be due to Ss previous involvement in your life. Adults who were in care as children are more likely to need support parenting as they don’t always have create role models or support around them.

I get your fears...but don't worry we almost all of us have done things in our past that aren't great. Thing is about how you are now and how you can put baby first. just be yourself and if you feel it helps, get a friend to be present when they visit x good luck

I have heard some absolute horror stories about social workers fabricating and twisting the truth, resulting in children being taken away. I'm probably just paranoid. I get a worry that they've judged me before they've even met me and will just try to poke holes in my life.

I want my pregnancy to be a pleasant experience not a stressful and upsetting one!

Ss are very stretched and don’t have the capacity to remove lots of children who would be better off in care. There a few bad social workers but in the whole they are doing it to suppprt parents to parent.

I suspect most horror stories are parents trying to cover up the real reason their children were removed

Sometimes they do, but you should be all right.

Some are ginger, not all though.

The social worker will be looking at the childs perspective, so if theres any risk to baby from things you are currently or very recently involved with, and that can include the baby's dad involvement or new partner if they are known to SS. It could be drug taking/drinking while pregnant. Or homelessness. Etc.

Are you settled now? Have you started to prepare for baby's arrival? House baby proofed? Do you have support? Can someone be there for you when they visit?

Social workers have to be truthful it's in the code of conduct, they can and have been struck off for lying.

That said, the worst thing you can do is lie... because if it went to court and you were proved to have lied about something, then the court will not consider you trustworthy going forward. So be honest. You've had a hard time in the past, so show them how you have turned your life around now, that takes a lot of strength and courage.

If you have been through care yourself they will come out to make sure you are ok, because you haven't had the same life chances and resources as a new mum who has not been through care system.

They might be able to offer you some support, although resources are so tight unless you are in a severe category it's unlikely imho.

Most social workers I know have chequered historys. They go into social work for a reason and its usually because they have experienced some form of disadvantage themselves. So try not to panic about being judged on your past and focus heavily on your strengths and the child-centred future which is all about your wonderful new baby arriving.
Ps I'm with ginger on the reason parents give horror stories about SW, you will never know the real horror that went on and reason the child is removed.

Thanks everyone, even just a little reassurance goes a long way.

I am single and the father has chosen not be involved, he's not a bad guy. Just young and not ready. He may well change his mind when she's here. Not homeless nor have I taken drugs (before or after I found out I was pregnant) or alcohol. Quite frankly I wasn't even bothered when everyone I know was off out getting drunk I didn't go - and I did like a party, but some thing's are more important. Even smoking, the day I found out - I gave my cigarettes away and I've not struggled one bit to quit! So much so I doubt I'll start again!

As for ready, not quite. It was an unexpected pregnancy so I was in a shared house when I found out and I still am. The reason I didn't move straight away was because I was hoping to save a but mo're but sadly I lost my job last week (blatantly because I'm pregnant) but Hey ho I actually think it might be a blessing as I'm now in the process of moving closer to my mum and close friends. I am going to try and have someone here, but once I move back down south if they want to do the same there then I will have someone but I'm pretty much on my own here and was only sticking around for my job. Having said that at first I was worried about how I was going to provide for the baby jobless but when I sat down calculated money and benefits, I'm not actually that much better off in work after paying childcare so that's when I realised it may be a blessing in disguise.

I have started to get ready, like ordered things that have been delivered to my nan's house as she has the room, like pram, car seat, baby bouncer, wipes and clothes etc. I do still have stuff to buy like crib and stuff but I'm waiting till I move and nappies well I have one pack - but you never know how big the little mite will be! :).

I am without a doubt resilient but loving and practical. I can't wait for babies arrival but we all know parenting is no easy ride!

You're right - most of the horror stories are probably from people who are trying to hide something.

And I wouldn't lie - that won't get me anywhere and I won't even try. I don't have anything to hide. Granted I was bit of a party animal but by no means an alcoholic or anything like that and yeah a bit selfish but I have never had anyone else to think about so I thought who cares! But now my outlook is totally different, it's not just me anymore and I think children just change you, for the better of course :)

"most of the horror stories are probably from people who are trying to hide something" and "I don't have anything to hide" --- why do people think this way!!! You are supposed to be considered innocent until proven guilty in this country, it is not about not having anything to hide but rather that you have a right to a private life and only in cases were specific concerns are raised should there be a need for any help. I would be VERY wary with social services, you don't have to lie but you don't have to be very forth coming either. A lot of what they do is voluntary (as in they can't force you to do stuff without court orders etc) but a lot of people do what SS say to get them out of their lives faster. I would sign up for antenatal classes, ensure registered with GP/Dentist. Keep house tidy at all times and start getting some of the baby basics in. You lost your job so maybe look into what benefits you might be entitled to. Obviously you are thinking of moving closer to family which is great for help and support. It is all about being seen to becoming prepared for baby. Get a load of baby books even if you just get them from library. I would look at your legal rights regarding SS and whatever you do, don't sign or agree to anything without fully understanding what it means. I am not trying to scare you but make clear that you have to be realistic and you have to understand you have a right to know what their specific concerns (in writing so no misunderstandings or in case SS try overstepping their legal remit) and that you can choose what not to engage in as it is VOLUNTARY on your part.

You sound well sorted to me, a fab mum to be....I was in my 30"s when I had my first and I was so NOT ready! Enjoy your pregnancy.

As a side note - my cousin was in care. Social Services turned up towards the end of her pregnancy (no reason, just because she was in care) just to check everything was okay, have not bothered her since and she now has a six month old.

I was referred to SS when I was 16 weeks pregnant because of an abusive ex. 4 agonising weeks later I phoned to find out when they'd visit & they didn't even have me down!

Found out I had been referred but SS said there wasn't a risk now ex wasn't involved and didn't want to be. If we got back together they said they'd investigate (I haven't heard from ex in 18 months) if need be.

My DS was planned yet it sounds like you've got your stuff together better than I did!

You are and will do exceptionally well. Congratulations on your pregnancy

Thank you everyone!

Saw the SW yesterday and she was super nice! It seemed to go really well.

She said the referral made it sound like an omg bad situation and upon meeting me it's definitely not. I asked to read to the referral and there was stuff in it that the midwife hasn't even bought up with me so I can tell her about it, she made me sound like a damaged alcohol abusing mum-to-be - I was furious (good at hiding it).

I didn't mind so much that the midwife felt she needed to make a referral, what annoyed me is she didn't bother to talk to me about hardly any of what was in the report.

But safe to say the social worker was lovely, down to earth and didn't seem to have any real concerns about my baby's welfare and so she shouldn't!

I'd ask the doctor practice if there is another midwife you can see due to the present misrepresenting you to SS.

Your life sounds pretty chaotic, that's perhaps why the MW made the referral.

@LifeBeginsAtGin - please can you tell me how you have made that assumption?

My life currently consists of watching Four in a Bed and the soaps. Before that just the same with a 9-5 job.

Also, I hate repeating myself but just you in case hadn't actually read what I had written - I'm not upset that she made the referral! It was the lack of communication from her!

I am glad meeting went well . Have you any idea why she thought this ? Is it medical records. I vaguely remember mw asking how much I drank? ( but was 10 years ago )

I was just honest, didn't honestly think she'd use it against me - saying that she does seem the whiter than white type. There are couple of incidents from my early adulthood (18-21 maybe) where I've ended up in a&e under the influence, one with a broken ankle and another where I was drinking on anitbiotics and all hell broke loose! Although now I'm a bit older the majority of my nights consist of pyjamas and tv/movies and if I do go out it's for food and couple of cocktails - can't deal with hangovers these days lol!

Still quite offended by the comment above - what on earth have I said to make my life sound chaotic now!?

Well done, glad it went ok. I've been through something similar b4 it's not nice. Especially when you go through it alone. Btw you don't sound chaotic at all..very odd comment to be made.
Focus now on your baby and life together ahead. I would also refuse that midwife again personally, they have no clue.

Stay strong, you are already a wonderful mum X 💪❤️👌😘