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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Just need to vent

3 replies

MaryBear · 14/05/2018 21:31

I'm not even sure where to start really but I think I'll feel better after writing it all down.

Mum to 3dc (16,14 & 9) all good kids and we rub along nicely without many issues.

I work in a job I don't really like but it puts food on the table and is quite flexible for me to sort the kids. STBXH is not local anymore so I am doing everything alone, school runs, appointments, day trips (if we can afford), everything. He has NO input at all (completely his choice). He no longer works the ridiculous hours in his chosen career (which contributed to our breakup) as he didn't want to pay £600 PM CM, instead choosing to become a FT carer for a family member and moving 300 miles away. He is supposed to pay £7pw from his carers allowance for the kids. CMS have had to force this so we actually really get about £6.75 PW. Received a letter over the weekend to say they haven't got any payments from the benefits agency and are looking into it.

I am killing myself trying not only to provide a house and an acceptable living standard for the DC but also be a mum and a dad as well as a taxi service and everything that goes with being a parent and he can't even provide the pittance that the powers that be say he has to.

I ended up crying on the phone to the CMS today over £6.75 a week that we haven't received (apparently I shouldn't worry as it's being added to the arrears of £865 he owes, so he's not getting away with it!) I felt utter shame and despair at the whole situation.

How can an absent parent sleep at night knowing they provide absolutely nothing for the children they help bring into this world and have spent years living with. He provides nothing either financially, physically or emotionally and I am at my wits end with it all.

I know I'm not the only one in this position and it boils my blood that this is allowed to happen.

As it happens writing it down hasn't made me feel any better. It's just crap.

OP posts:
ohamIreally · 15/05/2018 05:59

I hear you. It's mind blowingly unfair OP. Imagine if it was women in their tens of thousands doing this. It would be a criminal offence for sure.

Bobby1233 · 15/05/2018 07:50

I realise I might be spinning my wheels here, but have you tried talking to him, explaining how dire the situation is and that his children need him?........ I know I know. But worth a shot.

MaryBear · 15/05/2018 15:24

I can't understand how it can be seen as ok in society for parents to do this.

I did think about asking him, partly because I'm fully aware that we're dealing with CMS and The Benefits agency and they quite frankly couldn't organize a night out in a brewery but I know it would give him such pleasure to think that things are hard.

I left because of his lack of care for us as well as emotional, mental and financial abuse.

I just keep reminding myself that one day the kids will be adults and I will be free of him, he on the other hand will always be a shit head Smile

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